Talk about it: effective communication for safe sex

Talk about it: effective communication for safe sex CREDIT: FSU PUBLICATIONS AND COMMUNICATIONS DEPARTMENT

Communication between men and women is a phenomenon not everyone seems to understand. Some people claim that it’s something that happens naturally and there is no need to learn about how to do it the right way. Others are convinced that it’s not possible to build strong relationships without knowing how and what to say. They are both right in a way, but there’s always something to add.

First, we shouldn’t force the beginning of relationships, both sexual and romantic. It will come naturally, when you and your partner will be ready to experience not only positive moments, but difficult ones as well. Those difficulties appear when you have a different point of view on a particular aspect of your common relationship, especially when it comes to sex. One of the partners may be not ready to start their sexual life, and that’s OK.

“Personally, I had to go through a lot of romantic failures, until I came to understanding what and when I want,” said Anna Kulikova, a feminist psychologist writer for the online journal, Tvoya Tarelka. “It may seem like not a problem to sacrifice your life rules, but for your partner it means that you don’t value your independence and that you are ready to give up everything just to continue communication. With time, those relationships will clearly become abusive, because people feel their power over your every action as soon as you show first weakness.”

Navigator. Londons student lifestyles magazine.

Having a difference of opinion doesn’t mean you have to betray your principles. It just means we all have diverse personalities, and we have other understandings of the same things. In this case, you shouldn’t rush to change your partner either.

Another aspect is learning how to communicate and understand the needs of our partner without taking everything personally. There’s a big difference between saying no, because we don’t want to have any kind of relationship with a particular person, and saying no, because we don’t feel ready to take the relationship a step further.

“Everyone perceives relationships in their own way, and for some, trust means having regular sex and a physical connection, when for others it’s just good conversation after a long and tiring day,” Kulikova said. “Durable relationships are only built on mutual understanding of one’s needs. And even if one person wants to have sex, and the other is not ready, just spending time together can resolve this. If it is real love, your person will always wait until both of you are comfortable.”

Another issue that can lead to unwanted problems is whether to use a condom or not. This is one topic that should always be decided and agreed upon by both parties. For women, unwanted pregnancies can be a lifechanging event, and lying about wearing a condom can lead to long-lasting trauma.

“In most cases, women, especially young ones, get under the influence of men, trying to please them,” Kulikova said. “That is one of the ways to manipulate partners in order to get what you need for satisfaction, and it cannot be called love. Moreover, it is an unneeded and potentially dangerous decision, and before doing it they should think if they are ready to grow a child, maybe even alone, considering their own age.”

Both partners are equally responsible for their relationships. It is important to understand that every mutual communication provokes a subconscious dependence and can hurt one’s feelings. Before getting into a relationship, you should try to understand your own desires and to set boundaries in order to avoid deception.