You get an email accusing you of something wrong. Your roommate didn't do the dishes like she said she would. Someone cuts in front of you in a line up at the bank. You get stuck in traffic when time is tight. The cereal you bought for yourself mysteriously disappears from the shared kitchen cupboard.

Anger. A lot of things can bring it on. Little things. And big things like not being able to get a job in the field you really want.

You feel yourself getting hot or tense in the neck, face or hands. Your mind begins to race and you can't focus your thoughts. You hear your heart pounding and your breathing becomes irregular. Anger is painful.

You want to lash out at something or someone. Maybe you want to raise your voice and put someone in his or her place. Maybe you feel an urge to respond with verbal or physical abuse. Anger is a dangerous emotion because it can lead to violence and can lead to other destructive consequences.

In today's world, we have a lot of understanding of anger. We have some understanding of what causes it, what it feels like, and what it tempts us to do.

We also have some understanding of what we can do to diffuse it.

First, we can take some time to calm down. Going for a walk or run can help. Take a bath or shower or do something else that makes you feel good like getting a coffee. Do not, however, get high or drunk. If possible, remove yourself from the situation that is causing you to feel angry. If friends are arguing, for example, excuse yourself and return when (and if) things are better.

Second, try to talk to someone who is a good listener, someone who can hear what you have to say. It should be someone who will not offer very much “advice” about how to “solve” the thing that is making you angry.

Third, try to understand what is happening. Are there other stress points in your life that are making you feel angry when something relatively small happens? Are there other feelings connected with the anger that you are feeling, like shame, anxiety, fear, disappointment, embarrassment, guilt or insecurity?

Fourth, when the anger is triggered by someone saying or doing something, if possible, in a calm way, try to verbalize what is happening. Use “I” statements rather than blame the other person. In other words, try to not start off by saying something like, “You didn't do the dishes.” Instead try saying something like, “It makes me feel that I am not valued when you say you will do the dishes and then they don't get done.” Express about you need from the person, such as, “I need to have a kitchen space where we are cleaning up after ourselves.”

Fifth, try to understand if you need to take responsibility for your anger. Maybe what is coming out as anger is really frustration with yourself. Maybe you feel angry at a teacher for a low mark on an assignment, but really, you are discouraged with the difficulty of the course or with the fact that you realize it is not a course you should be in. It is better to blame others as little as possible for your feelings.

Finally, try to see that often that things that cause anger are not that important. They may seem important when they are happening. But in the long run, in view of the bigger picture, are they? And perhaps, the anger can be used even in some positive ways. It is always helpful to ask, “What can I learn from this?” or “What can I change about myself or about my circumstances that will help me avoid situations where I become angry?”
Editorial opinions or comments expressed in this online edition of Interrobang newspaper reflect the views of the writer and are not those of the Interrobang or the Fanshawe Student Union. The Interrobang is published weekly by the Fanshawe Student Union at 1001 Fanshawe College Blvd., P.O. Box 7005, London, Ontario, N5Y 5R6 and distributed through the Fanshawe College community. Letters to the editor are welcome. All letters are subject to editing and should be emailed. All letters must be accompanied by contact information. Letters can also be submitted online by clicking here.