Lazy elves caught pilfering Macy's
The mystery of how Santa Claus and his elves produce millions of presents for all the little boys and girls around the world has been solved.
Four little people, measuring between 2'9 and 3'10 and dressed as Christmas elves, were caught red-handed in Macy's Department Store in New York City stealing video games, bikes, Barbies and even children's books.
Macy's Children's Department Manager, Rod Limbrowski, was working late in his office when he heard Christmas carols and smelled a faint trace of what he later identified as peppermint schnapps.
“I just followed the high pitch singing and found them running around and filling their bags with toys,” Limbrowski recalled. “I thought I was having a dream, but when they saw me they panicked and scattered.”
Limbrowski alerted the night security guard, Al Buckshire, who found the thieves attempting to blend into a Christmas display. Buckshire instantly apprehended the criminals and called the police.
“I locked them in the changing rooms until the police got there,” Buckshire said. “They wouldn't stop singing. I think they were drunk.”
After police did a thorough search of the store they found four, half-empty, 26 oz bottles of Peppermint Schnapps, which police can only assume were property of the accused.
Fiona Marks, a spokeswoman for the New York City Police Department, said the two men and two women, whose names cannot be released, were dressed in green “elf-like” outfits and had pointy ears.
“When they were apprehended they were obviously intoxicated,” Marks said. “They said they wouldn't talk until their boss is notified.”
She said the thieves claim their boss is Santa Claus.
“They are currently in the city jail, but we strongly suspect they will be released to a mental institution within a few days,” she said.
This is the first time “elf-like” people have been caught stealing Christmas presents in the New York City area. Authorities will not know until after Christmas if these people, who claim to be Santa's helpers, were really stealing presents for children or for their own selfish reasoning.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious.
Four little people, measuring between 2'9 and 3'10 and dressed as Christmas elves, were caught red-handed in Macy's Department Store in New York City stealing video games, bikes, Barbies and even children's books.
Macy's Children's Department Manager, Rod Limbrowski, was working late in his office when he heard Christmas carols and smelled a faint trace of what he later identified as peppermint schnapps.
“I just followed the high pitch singing and found them running around and filling their bags with toys,” Limbrowski recalled. “I thought I was having a dream, but when they saw me they panicked and scattered.”
Limbrowski alerted the night security guard, Al Buckshire, who found the thieves attempting to blend into a Christmas display. Buckshire instantly apprehended the criminals and called the police.
“I locked them in the changing rooms until the police got there,” Buckshire said. “They wouldn't stop singing. I think they were drunk.”
After police did a thorough search of the store they found four, half-empty, 26 oz bottles of Peppermint Schnapps, which police can only assume were property of the accused.
Fiona Marks, a spokeswoman for the New York City Police Department, said the two men and two women, whose names cannot be released, were dressed in green “elf-like” outfits and had pointy ears.
“When they were apprehended they were obviously intoxicated,” Marks said. “They said they wouldn't talk until their boss is notified.”
She said the thieves claim their boss is Santa Claus.
“They are currently in the city jail, but we strongly suspect they will be released to a mental institution within a few days,” she said.
This is the first time “elf-like” people have been caught stealing Christmas presents in the New York City area. Authorities will not know until after Christmas if these people, who claim to be Santa's helpers, were really stealing presents for children or for their own selfish reasoning.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious.
