Liberal leader Paul Martin, along with Conservative Stephen Harper, NDP Jack Layton, and Bloc Quebecois frontman Gilles Duceppe have kicked off what is shaping up to be the most expensive, most intrusive federal election campaign the country has ever seen.

No one expected the latest move by Martin and the Liberals, who are launching a bold campaign to get to voters through their children.

Historically holiday television has been slathered with commercials for kids toys, therefore influencing kids to ask their parents for the hottest new video game or talking toy. But this year the ads will have a much more political feel; Martin for Prime Minister

The Liberals have spent close to half of their campaign dollars (which is actually doubled, since the election will be taking place in two different years) on action figures, video games and stuffed animals featuring the likeness and personality traits of Martin.

Tickle Me Paul, aimed at children under 6, will feature a plush figure of Paul Martin, grinning like a school boy, modeled after footage of him at the Liberal convention where he first met Bono. If you squeeze his stomach, he giggles and says, “I like it when your parents vote Liberal!”

Another toy that is expected to be popular, this time with teenagers, is Gomery Inquiry: the Board Game. Modelled after the popular CSI game, which is modeled after the classic game Clue, features players such as former prime minister, Jean Cretien, Justice John Gomery, and former public works minister Alfonso Gagliano, who try to piece together clues and solve the problem.

“What we hope is that kids will see these games advertised on TV and beg their parents to buy them,” said Bill Portent, CEO of Imaging Creation, the Toronto-based marketing firm hired by the Liberals to build the campaign.

“Once the games are under the holiday tree in voter's homes, the games do the work for us. After a parent hears the phrase, ‘Vote Martin' 20 or 30 or a hundred times, they're not going to be voting for that bastard Harper on January 23!”

But Layton and Harper don't plan on sitting back while Martin's campaingn wins the loyalties of the Canadian youth. Instead, they have met Martin's games with some of their own.

Harper's Conservatives will be releasing a new version of the popular Playstation game, Grand Theft Auto. However, his version will be called Grand Theft Taxes: the Inquiry.

The toys will be available in every department toy store from now until Christmas.

Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious.