SummerSlam: If you went to the bathroom, you missed it
Just like my other music, movie or gaming blurbs, feel free to write into the paper with your own takes on the WWE and their shows. Is there a better way to kick off the year than with a SummerSlam review? I would think not, but after last night's action, I'm guessing that tonight's RAW will be a better show.
Chris Benoit vs. Orlando Jordan for the US Championship — If you blinked, you missed the match. I have no idea what Jordan did to piss off the writers or if they were just looking for a quick fix for the lackluster push Benoit has had over the past year, but I guess the five second match was the answer to any problems. Winner: Benoit
Matt Hardy vs. Edge — This is one of the matches that made me part with my money. I wanted to see how the real life feud would be taken care of in the ring. The punches and kicks were stiff and Hardy got the crap beat out of him. In about five minutes, the match was stopped by the referee, stating that Hardy couldn't continue. Are you kidding me? Did they just bury this match and Hardy? Did they just slap the fans who were drooling over this match? Well, I think they did. I immediately called Rogers Cable and told them that I wanted my money back for the PPV. They were polite and listened to my rant about spending money for absolute crap. The nice lady told me that they were being flooded with calls about the match and the PPV up to that point. Hmm, someone from Rogers better pass this info to WWE Canada. So a crappy match allowed me to get my money back. With that satisfaction I could stomach the next match.
Eugene vs. Kurt Angle — We didn't need this match at the second biggest PPV of the year! This Smackdown-type match had its back and forth moments with the crowd booing Eugene. I guess the US fans followed us good old rabid Canadian fans and marked out for Angle. Hopefully the Angle/Cena feud that should be starting soon will make us forget about this little angle. Winner: Kurt Angle
The Undertaker vs. Randy Orton - I was curious to see how this match would play out and if I talked with our good old editor, John Said, he probably would have predicted that Bob Orton would be around to help his son win. And that's what happened. I guess that because this isn't Wrestlemania, Undertaker would lay down, but after a single RKO? Please…that's not usually enough to take out the Undertaker's character. I guess the dead man is going to be taking a break. Winner: Orton.
Chris Jericho vs. John Cena for the WWE Championship — This is another match that despite the hype everyone knew the outcome. Jericho is leaving the WWE for a while to tour with his band, Fozzy. The WWE is already promoting Cena vs. Angle for the title at the next PPV, so it was hard to get into the match. Jericho and Cena both worked well together and had some good points in the match, but the excitement surrounding what would happen in the end just wasn't there. Winner: Cena
JBL vs. Batista for the World Championship — Is it just me or did JBL go out to the ring with a “it sucks that I'm going to lose this” look on his face? I knew Batista was going to walk away with the victory just by reading JBL at the beginning. It was actually satisfying to see JBL get his ass kicked because I'm really sick of him. Let's hope the Batista/Orton feud makes Smackdown exciting again. Winner: Batista
HBK vs. Hulk Hogan — Anyone who knows me can tell you that I'm not a fan of either of these two. Yes, HBK will always have a good match no matter who he works with, but his character and antics just bug me. I had no idea who they were going to let win this match and I applaud Michaels for carrying Hogan throughout and then letting him get the pin. With two refs getting knocked out, it was the perfect time for someone to interfere. You could even hear the crowd yelling for Bret Hart. I was actually hoping someone special like Lesnar or Hart would surprise everyone and help screw HBK, but alas, that just didn't happen and Hogan got a clear and boring win. HBK was interesting to watch over the last three weeks because a heel HBK is better than a good HBK, but the WWE let him redeem himself by shaking Hogan's hand at the end of the match. BOOO!!!
If you want to talk smack about Hulk Hogan or have any other wrestling comments, you can email them to Peter at email@example.com