New game to reward the lazy
A trend has developed in the videogame industry that has resulted in the development of games that encourage players to exercise their bodies and minds.
Games such as “Big Brain Academy” utilize puzzles to help you expand your vocabulary and problem solving skills. While the “Dance Dance Revolution” series, and the Nintendo Wii system reward players for getting off of their sofa and actually exerting energy.
Brad Comatose, head of Sluggish Software Inc. would like to put an end to this trend.
“Rewarding players for moving — that's ridiculous!” declared Comatose. “The whole point of videogames is that you don't have to do anything. You can just live vicariously through the characters on your screen. You can jump over strategically placed land gaps and avoid swinging blades all while sitting on your duff.”
In response to this trend, Sluggish Software will soon be releasing “Sloth,” a game that will actually reward players for not moving.
“Sloth” will come packaged with nodes, which the user must attach to his or her body. These nodes allow the software to track a variety of things, such as movement, blood pressure and heart rate.
“This is a very sophisticated game,” said Comatose. “If you decide too get up and stretch — boom, 2500 points lost. Thinking of cracking open a window to get some fresh air? Don't even try it, unless you want to lose 5000 big ones!”
Comatose is very concerned about this active gaming trend, and hopes “Sloth” will be able to make a change for the positive.
“Do you know that the Nintendo Wii actually interrupts games to recommend you turn off the system and get some fresh air?” asked Comatose rhetorically. “If I wanted to be outside, I wouldn't have bought a videogame system, a sofa, or a house for that matter!”
Comatose is also worried about the safety of gamers. “All this activity can't be good for gamers. In the 1980s we had ailments like Nintendo thumb. Now we may have Guitar Hero dislocated shoulder.”
“Sloth” will be released this January for the Xbox 360. Sluggish Software planned on developing it for other game systems as well, but according to Comatose, “We got kind of tired and lazy, you know how it is.”
As an added bonus, the game will come bundled with two Snickers bars, and a coupon for a free Baconator from Wendy's.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
Games such as “Big Brain Academy” utilize puzzles to help you expand your vocabulary and problem solving skills. While the “Dance Dance Revolution” series, and the Nintendo Wii system reward players for getting off of their sofa and actually exerting energy.
Brad Comatose, head of Sluggish Software Inc. would like to put an end to this trend.
“Rewarding players for moving — that's ridiculous!” declared Comatose. “The whole point of videogames is that you don't have to do anything. You can just live vicariously through the characters on your screen. You can jump over strategically placed land gaps and avoid swinging blades all while sitting on your duff.”
In response to this trend, Sluggish Software will soon be releasing “Sloth,” a game that will actually reward players for not moving.
“Sloth” will come packaged with nodes, which the user must attach to his or her body. These nodes allow the software to track a variety of things, such as movement, blood pressure and heart rate.
“This is a very sophisticated game,” said Comatose. “If you decide too get up and stretch — boom, 2500 points lost. Thinking of cracking open a window to get some fresh air? Don't even try it, unless you want to lose 5000 big ones!”
Comatose is very concerned about this active gaming trend, and hopes “Sloth” will be able to make a change for the positive.
“Do you know that the Nintendo Wii actually interrupts games to recommend you turn off the system and get some fresh air?” asked Comatose rhetorically. “If I wanted to be outside, I wouldn't have bought a videogame system, a sofa, or a house for that matter!”
Comatose is also worried about the safety of gamers. “All this activity can't be good for gamers. In the 1980s we had ailments like Nintendo thumb. Now we may have Guitar Hero dislocated shoulder.”
“Sloth” will be released this January for the Xbox 360. Sluggish Software planned on developing it for other game systems as well, but according to Comatose, “We got kind of tired and lazy, you know how it is.”
As an added bonus, the game will come bundled with two Snickers bars, and a coupon for a free Baconator from Wendy's.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
