What, Me Worry?: Do I know you?
Don't I know you? Yeah I've seen you in the halls, in your mind your arms are so big that you can't put them down at your sides, so they hover a few inches from your body. It's strenuous keeping them like that, and sometimes you must want to let them relax, but there are guys to impress, and girls to pick up. Why are you talking so loud? Shit, I'm right here in front of you on the bus man. You're going to punch that guy in the face if he looks at you again? Why?
Hey girl, I think I know you too. Why am I talking to this ogre? Oh, nothing, I thought I knew him. Where you going? To the studio to do some painting eh? Gonna be a star? Let me see what you're working on. Oh yeah, I've seen this picture the first time it was painted, by Magritte in the 50s. Oh sorry, I didn't realize it was an “original.” Why do you smell so bloody much like patchouli oil, it's kind of offensive to my nose. Oh, cause you don't wear brand name perfumes. But you wear Converse High Tops? Oh, I wouldn't understand, I see. So you bought the Cons because you just always loved those shoes? It didn't have anything to do with the fact that all your favourite Indie Pop singers wear them? A coincidence? Oh, I see. So what about that new David Lynch movie? Um hum, I see, yes, wow, and I just thought it was a film about a couple in love, I didn't realize it was actually about the frustration of being an existentialist in white middle class Christian America. Are you stoned? Is this your friend here with the Mohawk?
Hey, how's it goin' man? Didn't I see you at that Rancid show last week? Yeah, I'm sure that was you. You were talking in a British accent and saying things like, “not bloody likely,” and “bollocks.” I'm surprised that you still like Rancid since they skimmed the edge of the mainstream all those years back. Oh I see, you were into them way before they became popular (wouldn't that have made you about eight-years-old at the time?) and you were just there to see the opening band, who if I remember correctly were really awful. Ha ha, you're probably just into them because they're so underground no one has ever heard of them eh? No? Wow, that's a nice Sid Vicious sneer you're giving me, did you practice that all morning? I really like your hair dye, what is that, Electric Blue? Yeah I used to be a punk rocker too, and I used to dye my hair just like you. Hell, we must have read the same instruction manual. Manic Panic was my thing. Of course dying your hair gets expensive, so I got my friends together and we all chipped in a little bit. We were like an ensemble of nonconformists sharing the same colour dye. You know, some might say that punks don't bathe. I say nonsense! It's perfectly feasible to maintain stellar hygiene while keeping your punk rock look happenin'. The trick is baby oil. After you bathe, smear the oil all over your punker jacket. Rub some dirt on the jacket, too. Voila. Instant “ I don't bathe and this is how I look because I am a ruffian who plays in the dirt” look. See ya dude, here's my ride.
Hey, thanks for picking me up friend, when did you get the Civic? Really? How much did it cost… Holy Crap Man! Is it completely necessary to peel out of the driveway like that? You almost hit that old lady back there. Oh I see, there was another Civic back there, and you felt the need to let your penis envy control your driving? How can you even see the road with your seat back that far? Hell, you can barely touch the wheel from back there. Sorry, I didn't hear your answer, it's very difficult to hear what you're saying over the bass coming from your sub, and the racket coming from your muffler; I think there's something wrong with it. It's supposed to be like that? Oh um, sounds cool I guess.
Who's that guy in the mirror? I think I know him. He's that asshole who does the writing right? The guy who is such a misanthropist he even hates himself. He's a cynical asshole who sees people for who they really are at their most vulnerable moments, or at least he thinks he does. He doesn't have too many friends because he slowly dropped them over the years because of his distrust of humanity, and his ability to see the worst in people. He thinks he is above all those clichés but he doesn't realize that he's a walking cliché himself. Or maybe he's not, maybe he's too complicated for that. Every time you look at him you see something different, he's like a shape shifter. He's like a wet bar of soap, you just can't get a grip on him. Or maybe he's just kidding around, and his heart isn't as heavy as all that, but he likes to see the looks on our faces? Yeah, I think I know him all right, too well.
Editorial opinions or comments expressed in this online edition of Interrobang newspaper reflect the views of the writer and are not those of the Interrobang or the Fanshawe Student Union. The Interrobang is published weekly by the Fanshawe Student Union at 1001 Fanshawe College Blvd., P.O. Box 7005, London, Ontario, N5Y 5R6 and distributed through the Fanshawe College community. Letters to the editor are welcome. All letters are subject to editing and should be emailed. All letters must be accompanied by contact information. Letters can also be submitted online by clicking here.
Hey girl, I think I know you too. Why am I talking to this ogre? Oh, nothing, I thought I knew him. Where you going? To the studio to do some painting eh? Gonna be a star? Let me see what you're working on. Oh yeah, I've seen this picture the first time it was painted, by Magritte in the 50s. Oh sorry, I didn't realize it was an “original.” Why do you smell so bloody much like patchouli oil, it's kind of offensive to my nose. Oh, cause you don't wear brand name perfumes. But you wear Converse High Tops? Oh, I wouldn't understand, I see. So you bought the Cons because you just always loved those shoes? It didn't have anything to do with the fact that all your favourite Indie Pop singers wear them? A coincidence? Oh, I see. So what about that new David Lynch movie? Um hum, I see, yes, wow, and I just thought it was a film about a couple in love, I didn't realize it was actually about the frustration of being an existentialist in white middle class Christian America. Are you stoned? Is this your friend here with the Mohawk?
Hey, how's it goin' man? Didn't I see you at that Rancid show last week? Yeah, I'm sure that was you. You were talking in a British accent and saying things like, “not bloody likely,” and “bollocks.” I'm surprised that you still like Rancid since they skimmed the edge of the mainstream all those years back. Oh I see, you were into them way before they became popular (wouldn't that have made you about eight-years-old at the time?) and you were just there to see the opening band, who if I remember correctly were really awful. Ha ha, you're probably just into them because they're so underground no one has ever heard of them eh? No? Wow, that's a nice Sid Vicious sneer you're giving me, did you practice that all morning? I really like your hair dye, what is that, Electric Blue? Yeah I used to be a punk rocker too, and I used to dye my hair just like you. Hell, we must have read the same instruction manual. Manic Panic was my thing. Of course dying your hair gets expensive, so I got my friends together and we all chipped in a little bit. We were like an ensemble of nonconformists sharing the same colour dye. You know, some might say that punks don't bathe. I say nonsense! It's perfectly feasible to maintain stellar hygiene while keeping your punk rock look happenin'. The trick is baby oil. After you bathe, smear the oil all over your punker jacket. Rub some dirt on the jacket, too. Voila. Instant “ I don't bathe and this is how I look because I am a ruffian who plays in the dirt” look. See ya dude, here's my ride.
Hey, thanks for picking me up friend, when did you get the Civic? Really? How much did it cost… Holy Crap Man! Is it completely necessary to peel out of the driveway like that? You almost hit that old lady back there. Oh I see, there was another Civic back there, and you felt the need to let your penis envy control your driving? How can you even see the road with your seat back that far? Hell, you can barely touch the wheel from back there. Sorry, I didn't hear your answer, it's very difficult to hear what you're saying over the bass coming from your sub, and the racket coming from your muffler; I think there's something wrong with it. It's supposed to be like that? Oh um, sounds cool I guess.
Who's that guy in the mirror? I think I know him. He's that asshole who does the writing right? The guy who is such a misanthropist he even hates himself. He's a cynical asshole who sees people for who they really are at their most vulnerable moments, or at least he thinks he does. He doesn't have too many friends because he slowly dropped them over the years because of his distrust of humanity, and his ability to see the worst in people. He thinks he is above all those clichés but he doesn't realize that he's a walking cliché himself. Or maybe he's not, maybe he's too complicated for that. Every time you look at him you see something different, he's like a shape shifter. He's like a wet bar of soap, you just can't get a grip on him. Or maybe he's just kidding around, and his heart isn't as heavy as all that, but he likes to see the looks on our faces? Yeah, I think I know him all right, too well.
Editorial opinions or comments expressed in this online edition of Interrobang newspaper reflect the views of the writer and are not those of the Interrobang or the Fanshawe Student Union. The Interrobang is published weekly by the Fanshawe Student Union at 1001 Fanshawe College Blvd., P.O. Box 7005, London, Ontario, N5Y 5R6 and distributed through the Fanshawe College community. Letters to the editor are welcome. All letters are subject to editing and should be emailed. All letters must be accompanied by contact information. Letters can also be submitted online by clicking here.
