“I feel pretty stupid,” said Bruce Wickens, 23, of Spruce Meadows, Ontario. His wife was arrested on fraud charges, and police had to break it to him that his wife of 3-1/2 years was a man, Benny Campbell.

The two were married after Campbell told Wickens “she” was pregnant with twins by Jensen — she later told him the twins were stillborn.

“(She) was the first person I ever was with and I was led to beleive I was (her) first,” revealed Wickens. “I didn't know anything different, but that explain why everything seemed to fit real tightly and we had to use extra lube. It also explains the brown stuff on the end of my willie wasn't what I thought it was.”

The pastor of Wickens' church confirms that Wickens is “just a little country bumpkin from Spruce Meadows.”

Wickens has filed for an annulment of the marriage based on irreconcilable differences and has left Spruce Meadows, but he told a newspaper that when the case is over, he plans to return to the area, “crawl in a hole for a few years and not let anyone within rifle range.”

Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.