It's your first day at Fanshawe. After your first class you can already feel yourself moving closer to your dream career. You walk out of class feeling ready to conquer the world. But as soon as you step into the hallway it hits you. You have to poop. You blindly walk into the first bathroom you see, the signage above the door looking like a beacon from the heavens for your straining bowels. But as soon as you step inside you realize you've made a huge mistake.

There's toilet paper all over the floor, water on the weird pink countertop and a mysterious smell. There's a turd in the first two stalls you attempt to use. The light above you in the only clean(ish) stall you see is flickering. You use the toilet as quickly as you can and wash your hands, only to discover that there are no paper towels. You use the air dryer for a few seconds before wiping your wet hands on your jeans. You pick up your backpack and get the hell out of there as fast as you can.

Fanshawe is a huge campus, and some buildings are decades older than others; it just makes sense that some are going to let you down. So in order to help you from pooping in a one-star bathroom when you could put your butt on the five-star toilet you deserve, follow this helpful guideline and poop in peace.

The rating system

All bathrooms were rated by the same two intrepid investigators: one male and one female. A collaborative effort was made for the family/accessible/gender neutral washrooms, of which there are many across campus.

Each bathroom was rated based on four criteria: cleanliness, design, traffic and the presence of paper towels over air dryers. The fifth and elusive final star was awarded to a bathroom that had something that was exceptionally unique that made the judges think, “Yes, I would poop here.”

The best

Here's a rundown of some of the bathrooms that scored four or more stars. Consider yourself blessed if you have a class near any one of these because they are as good as you'll get on campus.

M2023/M2027/M2029



Hidden away on the second floor of M building, these washrooms are slightly less busy than the main floor or third floor washrooms, according to an M building expert. The décor may be a little dark for some, but the gray and blue colours are beautiful. The accessible washroom would have earned a rare five-star rating, but the dirty toilet seat lost this one a whole point. If you have class in M building, it's worth it to make the trip upstairs for a washroom that's less busy.

B1035/B1036



Even more out of the way than the M building washrooms, this set is hidden away from most students, making it one of the washrooms with the lowest traffic on campus (perfect for those of us who are poop shy). The design won't blow your mind, but it's quiet and clean, making it a great place to do your business in peace.

K1006/K1007



Considering how K building isn't attached to the main campus it's easy to forget it even exists. But to the few who walk through the halls of K, they have lovely washroom options. These two washrooms in particular earned high marks for the unique red design, cleanliness and low traffic, with paper towels easily earning it four stars. Though there was nothing that you could describe as amazing to earn that elusive fifth star, K building boasts some solid washrooms.

SC2006/SC2008/SC2010



Though there was a debate over whether or not the Student Centre bathrooms deserved a point-five rating as opposed to a full one point for design, there was little argument over awarding full points for the rest of the criteria. The traffic in the washroom is far less than in the first floor bathroom (thanks Oasis) and the paper towel dispensers are automatic. Also, the double doors will mask any noises that come from your body.

A1032/A1036



Considering how A building is one of the oldest on campus, both judges were surprised at how nice the washrooms on the main floor were. Cleanliness and design points were awarded and on top of that this washroom is huge. It's in a fairly high traffic area so it didn't earn a full point for, but this bathroom is still pretty amazing.

Bonus: if you have lunch in Saffron's, definitely use their washroom. It's worthy of a five-star rating.

The worst

Most washrooms on campus averaged between a two-point-five to three-star rating. So when you are in a pinch, most washrooms on campus are just fine. These are the stories of the ones you should only use if you have no other option.

B1043/B1043



There's really no reason for this washroom to be as bad as it is; there's a perfectly good one just around the corner and down the hall in the same building. To be fair, this section of B building was likely built in 1967 as it is one of the original three buildings (A, B and C), but it's just a crappy washroom experience. The design is strange, it wasn't very clean and it's in a high traffic area. There are also no paper towels. Come on.

H2010/H2012



These ones are weird. The main floor washrooms almost made it into the top washrooms on campus, but lost marks due to poor lighting and high traffic (the executive offices are just down the hall, so it makes sense that they would have the nicest washrooms; you have president Peter Devlin to thank for that). One would assume that the washrooms in the same building would be mirror images of these, but you would be wrong. The counter top in the ladies room is a weird salmon- pink colour that looks like it's from the ‘60s, the sink and mirror area is small and there are only a few stalls. Fanshawe, you can do better than that.

G2006



The women's bathroom, G2005, earned an average three-star rating. But the men's room on the other hand is a disaster. The sole urinal in the room is extremely close to the sink, so if you plan on washing your hands you better hope that no one is using the urinal at the same time. The paper towel dispenser is at an awkwardly high height, placed above the air dryer even though there was available space on the walls elsewhere. It's tiny, the lighting is weird and there is only one actual stall. The paint is chipping on the stall as well. If you choose to actually use this washroom and someone else walks in, you may be in for an awkward situation. Avoid, avoid, avoid.

SUB1006/1008



The men's room in Forwell hall earned a pitiful onestar rating, losing points due to broken floor tiles and the urinals being directly behind the mirrors. The women's room, on the other hand, earned zero stars. There are no paper towels, it wasn't particularly clean, it wa sn't going to earn any points for design and it is in a high traffic area. There are also weird blocks of paint on the wall that doesn't match the rest of the room. And the worst part? Ladies, the tampon disposal box is BEHIND the toilet. Not beside it like everywhere else in the world. BEHIND it. Avoid this washroom.

D1007/D1008



Enter at your own risk.