Chat With Nat: Long distance, wrong distance?
Dear Nat,
I'm in a long distance relationship and, well, it's hard... like, really hard! I love my boyfriend, but with how far apart we are and how little we see each other, most times I don't even feel like I'm in a relationship. Don't get me wrong, I'm faithful and would never cheat on him, but I'm afraid I can't do this for much longer. I feel like I'm somewhat missing out on my youth being in this relationship and it's making me worry about the future. Am I being selfish? Should I call it quits or hang in there? I really need some advice.
Distant Love
Dear Distant Love,
Have you ever heard the phrase: “Distance makes the heart grow fonder?” Well, sometimes that phrase doesn't relate to all situations. After a while and with too much distance, things can go stale, and that's understandable. On top of that, if you're not seeing each other on a regular basis, it's easy for the foundation of your relationship to crumble since there's no regular maintenance keeping it together — that's also perfectly natural.
Out of respect for yourself and your partner, it'd be best to bring this concern to his attention. Chances are, he's feeling the same way and is as just as nervous about bringing it up. But I'm here to assure you that there's nothing to be afraid of since the outcome can only result in two ways: 1) Either he hears you out and you both talk about next steps; or 2) He becomes hostile, guarded and defensive, in which case he needs to reevaluate his sense of maturity. Relationships aren't perfect, and these flat moments are (believe it or not) very healthy. A strong relationship is built on solid communication, and openly discussing these issues is always the better route to take versus keeping everything bottled up. Shake that up too much and you'll burst.
What I'm trying to get you to avoid is developing a sense of dry tolerance and total resentment toward the other, where you both lose any chance of being civil if things do go south. Being on good terms now means you have a better chance of staying on good terms later. Whether you decide to take a break or officially break up, at least you'll have that friendly foundation to maturely move forward or take a second crack at it. Whatever the final decision, trust your instincts, they'll point you in the right direction.
If you've got a query for Quinlan, shoot her an email at chatwithnat.fsu@gmail.com. All published questions will be entered into monthly random draws to win a $10 FSU coupon for Oasis and Out Back Shack.
I'm in a long distance relationship and, well, it's hard... like, really hard! I love my boyfriend, but with how far apart we are and how little we see each other, most times I don't even feel like I'm in a relationship. Don't get me wrong, I'm faithful and would never cheat on him, but I'm afraid I can't do this for much longer. I feel like I'm somewhat missing out on my youth being in this relationship and it's making me worry about the future. Am I being selfish? Should I call it quits or hang in there? I really need some advice.
Distant Love
Dear Distant Love,
Have you ever heard the phrase: “Distance makes the heart grow fonder?” Well, sometimes that phrase doesn't relate to all situations. After a while and with too much distance, things can go stale, and that's understandable. On top of that, if you're not seeing each other on a regular basis, it's easy for the foundation of your relationship to crumble since there's no regular maintenance keeping it together — that's also perfectly natural.
Out of respect for yourself and your partner, it'd be best to bring this concern to his attention. Chances are, he's feeling the same way and is as just as nervous about bringing it up. But I'm here to assure you that there's nothing to be afraid of since the outcome can only result in two ways: 1) Either he hears you out and you both talk about next steps; or 2) He becomes hostile, guarded and defensive, in which case he needs to reevaluate his sense of maturity. Relationships aren't perfect, and these flat moments are (believe it or not) very healthy. A strong relationship is built on solid communication, and openly discussing these issues is always the better route to take versus keeping everything bottled up. Shake that up too much and you'll burst.
What I'm trying to get you to avoid is developing a sense of dry tolerance and total resentment toward the other, where you both lose any chance of being civil if things do go south. Being on good terms now means you have a better chance of staying on good terms later. Whether you decide to take a break or officially break up, at least you'll have that friendly foundation to maturely move forward or take a second crack at it. Whatever the final decision, trust your instincts, they'll point you in the right direction.
If you've got a query for Quinlan, shoot her an email at chatwithnat.fsu@gmail.com. All published questions will be entered into monthly random draws to win a $10 FSU coupon for Oasis and Out Back Shack.
