Harper injures Toronto-area doctors with spare change
Conservative leader Stephen Harper inadvertently injured three doctors while trying to fix the healthcare problem while making a stop at a Toronto-area hospital during his New Years campaigning.
In an effort to explain how he was planning on fixing the healthcare system by throwing money at it, the spare change he tossed into the air landed on the crowd, injuring the physicians.
The doctors, who are all residents at Toronto General Hospital, were admitted with minor injuries obtained by the loonies and toonies that Harper was throwing at the hospital. The also received some substantial papercuts from the cash.
Instead of easing the wait time for patients, the act added to the long list of needy patients.
“Everyone says he just throws money at problems to make them go away,” Dr. Bruce James, one of the injured doctors said, “but until today, I didn't realize they meant it literally!”
Harper has since apologized for injuring the physicians, but did say that he expected some people to get hurt by his unconventional healthcare proposal. According to his publicist, he didn't expect those who got injured to be the doctors. Instead, he suspected that the people most put out would be patients.
“It was an unlikely turn of events,” the publicist said, “but I suppose that is right in step with everything else happening in this campaign.”
The doctors and the hospital have both declined to press criminal charges against the politician for the damage caused, since no one received long-term injuries.
Critics of Harper's healthcare solution, however, disagree that there are no long-term affects of the money-throwing incident.
“Maybe the doctor's didn't get seriously hurt,” said one opposing politician, “but someone will suffer.”
Since the money-tossing incident, critics and supporters alike have asked Harper not to use props in his campaign speeches anymore. Areas of major concern include any time he uses the word “crackdown” or tries to start up conversation about Paul Martin's company doing business in international waters.
“We've already seen the damage caused by Katrina and the tsunami,” James said, “and we certainly don't want to see what will happen if Harper harnesses the power of the international waters Martin is sailing his ships in.”
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
In an effort to explain how he was planning on fixing the healthcare system by throwing money at it, the spare change he tossed into the air landed on the crowd, injuring the physicians.
The doctors, who are all residents at Toronto General Hospital, were admitted with minor injuries obtained by the loonies and toonies that Harper was throwing at the hospital. The also received some substantial papercuts from the cash.
Instead of easing the wait time for patients, the act added to the long list of needy patients.
“Everyone says he just throws money at problems to make them go away,” Dr. Bruce James, one of the injured doctors said, “but until today, I didn't realize they meant it literally!”
Harper has since apologized for injuring the physicians, but did say that he expected some people to get hurt by his unconventional healthcare proposal. According to his publicist, he didn't expect those who got injured to be the doctors. Instead, he suspected that the people most put out would be patients.
“It was an unlikely turn of events,” the publicist said, “but I suppose that is right in step with everything else happening in this campaign.”
The doctors and the hospital have both declined to press criminal charges against the politician for the damage caused, since no one received long-term injuries.
Critics of Harper's healthcare solution, however, disagree that there are no long-term affects of the money-throwing incident.
“Maybe the doctor's didn't get seriously hurt,” said one opposing politician, “but someone will suffer.”
Since the money-tossing incident, critics and supporters alike have asked Harper not to use props in his campaign speeches anymore. Areas of major concern include any time he uses the word “crackdown” or tries to start up conversation about Paul Martin's company doing business in international waters.
“We've already seen the damage caused by Katrina and the tsunami,” James said, “and we certainly don't want to see what will happen if Harper harnesses the power of the international waters Martin is sailing his ships in.”
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
