Wife feeds man 11 lbs. of insects throughout marriage
A Saskatchewan man is leaving his new bride after discovering that she has been feeding him bugs disguised as fried snacks, the Saskatchewan Sun reports.
According to Bill James, the 34-year old husband of Sally, 31, he discovered the creatures after biting down on half an earthworm while eating what he thought was deep-fried calamari.
Sally was arrested Tuesday evening, shortly after her husband called police. He said that if she had been putting worms in his food, he couldn't be sure she hasn't mixed in other, more dangerous additives, and wanted to make sure she was punished.
The police charged her with one count of mischief and one count of unintentional assault. There are no specific charges for sneaking non-fatal extras into food.
When asked why she did it, Sally claimed that she had read on the internet that earthworms and other small insects contained very high levels of protein and vitamins.
“I was doing it to help Bill,” she said. “He never eats properly. Everything is deep-fried and totally void of nutrition.
“So I thought I'd sneak some in.”
Bill was distraught that his wife would intentionally trick him in such a way.
“If she wanted me to eat healthier, she could have just said so.”
While in police custody, Sally confessed to adding vitamin-rich additives to Bill's food two or three times a week since their wedding day, nearly four years ago.
She claims that in the time they've been together, Bill has likely ingested 3 lbs. of earthworms, another 2 lbs. of small spiders and ants, and a whopping 6 lbs. of grasshoppers.
“I guess the spiders and worms were a little out of line, but I think he sorta knew about the grasshoppers, and liked them,” she said.
“I didn't even really try to hide those; I just dipped them in chocolate. He would ask me to make them three or four times a month, and I would gladly comply.”
After hearing the large quantity of bugs he had eaten, Bill was sick to his stomach. And upon hearing his soon-to-be ex-wife fed him chocolate-covered grasshoppers, he nearly passe d out.
“I swear, I always thought she was saying Clodhoppers, not grasshoppers. I can't believe I ate them all!”
Bill will now be put on a diet rich in protein and vitamins, but not from insects.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious.
According to Bill James, the 34-year old husband of Sally, 31, he discovered the creatures after biting down on half an earthworm while eating what he thought was deep-fried calamari.
Sally was arrested Tuesday evening, shortly after her husband called police. He said that if she had been putting worms in his food, he couldn't be sure she hasn't mixed in other, more dangerous additives, and wanted to make sure she was punished.
The police charged her with one count of mischief and one count of unintentional assault. There are no specific charges for sneaking non-fatal extras into food.
When asked why she did it, Sally claimed that she had read on the internet that earthworms and other small insects contained very high levels of protein and vitamins.
“I was doing it to help Bill,” she said. “He never eats properly. Everything is deep-fried and totally void of nutrition.
“So I thought I'd sneak some in.”
Bill was distraught that his wife would intentionally trick him in such a way.
“If she wanted me to eat healthier, she could have just said so.”
While in police custody, Sally confessed to adding vitamin-rich additives to Bill's food two or three times a week since their wedding day, nearly four years ago.
She claims that in the time they've been together, Bill has likely ingested 3 lbs. of earthworms, another 2 lbs. of small spiders and ants, and a whopping 6 lbs. of grasshoppers.
“I guess the spiders and worms were a little out of line, but I think he sorta knew about the grasshoppers, and liked them,” she said.
“I didn't even really try to hide those; I just dipped them in chocolate. He would ask me to make them three or four times a month, and I would gladly comply.”
After hearing the large quantity of bugs he had eaten, Bill was sick to his stomach. And upon hearing his soon-to-be ex-wife fed him chocolate-covered grasshoppers, he nearly passe d out.
“I swear, I always thought she was saying Clodhoppers, not grasshoppers. I can't believe I ate them all!”
Bill will now be put on a diet rich in protein and vitamins, but not from insects.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious.
