Ms. Guidance: Airing your dirty laundry; how to deal with liars

Dear Ms. Guidance,
I live in an old house converted into six apartments. My neighbours are nice enough, however we all share one laundry room and every time I go to do my laundry the same neighbour is also doing theirs — I can tell by the detergent container and hamper. Anyway, this wouldn't bother me except that they always do one of two things. Either they take my laundry out of the dryer and leave it soaking wet on top of the machine, either because their laundry didn't dry properly and they want to re-dry it, or because they want to put their clothes out of the washer in before I am finished using the machine. It drives me insane! I never actually see them so I cannot talk to them about it. What should I do?
~All Washed-Up With Nowhere To Go

In November of last year there was a little known war fought in a damp and dark basement laundry room. It has historically been referred to as the “Great William Street Laundry Battle.” The tactics of the enemy included forced relocation of cold and damp articles of clothing from the dryer to the dirty floor, usurpation of unfinished paid dryer time and perhaps worst of all, the emptying of lint traps onto other people's clothing. It was ugly. The aftermath was a brash of horribly wrinkled clothing, unfriendly glances and grave tension throughout the building. Stray socks and used fabric-softener sheets strewn like no one even cared. I am a veteran of the GWSLB; in fact I was general for the allies. I helped draft the 2005 Treaty of the Shared Laundry Facility Patrons and vowed to never let it happen again. I advocate the communication policy, wherein, first time offenders are issued a notice containing contact information for the patron whose laundry suffered at the hands of laundry room impoliteness, second time results in door knocking, from there, the landlord should be contacted. If peace can still not be obtained on the washer/dryer front, it is the responsibility of the concerned patron to start frequenting a Laundromat where there are more strictly enforced policies and consequences in place with the hope that the world will never again see tragedy such as that faced in the GWSLB.

Dear Ms. Guidance,
I have a friend who I like a lot, but she lies constantly. She will lie about anything and everything, from embellishing the truth a little to telling really big lies like claiming that she is related to famous people she is clearly not related to. She will tell me that she was at the library all night studying when I know for a fact that she was out with a mutual friend. And I don't care what she's doing, so she has no reason to lie. Sometimes I think she believes the things she lies about, and she gets very defensive if you try to confront her about the truth. I am worried that she is a pathological liar — what should I do?
~Tired of the Lies

I will start by making the obvious disclaimer that I am not an accredited psychoanalyst, but I have done some research on this topic that I hope will prove helpful. The actions you have described certainly make it seem as if your friend is, in fact, a pathological liar. The general consensus regarding pathological liars is that they will exhibit most if not all of the following qualities. 1) The liar will lie for no particular personal gain; 2) the liar will both embellish truth and construct complete fabrications; 3) the liar will, at least at the moment of lying, believe that the lie is true; 4) the liar will become overly defensive of self when approached on the subject; and 5) the liar will lie more often than they tell the truth.

It is estimated that as much as three per cent of the population can be classified as pathological liars, most of these men, and studies are now showing that it may have something to do with the amount of gray matter in the frontal lobe. None of this information is particularly useful to your situation, but I thought it would be interesting to note.

What is important, however, is the fact that pathological lying is not, in and of itself, a recognized pathology, but rather a symptom of several acknowledged personality disorders including Narcissism and Bipolar Disorder. It may also be simply a case of a person who has low self-esteem lying their way into a false sense of personal value. In any case, pathological lying could never be construed as something helpful or healthy to the psyche or interpersonal relationships. Your friend will probably not take kindly to you dropping hints that she is in some way unstable and should get help, especially considering how defensive she is about her lying in the first place. Leaving mental-health pamphlets around her house or planning an intervention are not tactics I would employ. If you are truly concerned, the best course of action would be trying to contact your friend's family members to address the problem with her as they will be better equipped and in a better position of authority. Failing this, you should tell your friend that you do not wish to spend time with someone who lies to you constantly and until she stops lying or seeks help for her problem you can no longer be her friend. This may seem harsh but likewise with any addiction (and this truly is an addiction to lying), your friend has to be willing to get help before anyone can help her and you cutting the friendship strings may urge her towards the healing process.

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