Candidate behaves as a shoo in
It's that time of year again. The Fanshawe Student Union will soon be holding an election to determine next year's FSU president, and next year's five vice presidents.
Several students have already dropped off nomination forms and are eagerly awaiting the start of the campaigning process. One of these students is particularly excited - some would say a little too excited.
Sources say that one of the candidates immediately became drunk with power upon handing in his nomination form.
The candidate is said to have already placed orders for thousands of business cards with his new title on them. He has also begun to place family photos on a desk which he potentially may occupy come this May.
“I'm here to make a difference,” smugly proclaimed the candidate. “The people have spoken, by not forming a human barrier in front of the FSU office to prevent me from handing in the necessary papers. I will not let my people down.”
While some have expressed their admiration for the candidate, using phrases such as “he's a real go-getter”, others have been rubbed the wrong way by his antics.
The candidate has been seen skipping ahead of other students in line at Tim Horton's and the Oasis, telling angry students that “I am a big shot around these parts, don't worry, I'll have your best interests in mind - I'll have your back next year.” That did not go over well with his fellow students.
He has also been heard telling employees around the college that he will soon be their superior, so they better be nice to him if they want a few extra pennies added to their pay cheque next year.
“If I don't tell these people who I am, how would they ever know that they are supposed to look up to me?” asked the candidate. “I read in a book that people like to be put in their place by their superiors, like I am soon to be. They need to know that I am the boss, the president, and well, ruler. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm running very short on time, as my potential job keeps me very busy.”
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
Several students have already dropped off nomination forms and are eagerly awaiting the start of the campaigning process. One of these students is particularly excited - some would say a little too excited.
Sources say that one of the candidates immediately became drunk with power upon handing in his nomination form.
The candidate is said to have already placed orders for thousands of business cards with his new title on them. He has also begun to place family photos on a desk which he potentially may occupy come this May.
“I'm here to make a difference,” smugly proclaimed the candidate. “The people have spoken, by not forming a human barrier in front of the FSU office to prevent me from handing in the necessary papers. I will not let my people down.”
While some have expressed their admiration for the candidate, using phrases such as “he's a real go-getter”, others have been rubbed the wrong way by his antics.
The candidate has been seen skipping ahead of other students in line at Tim Horton's and the Oasis, telling angry students that “I am a big shot around these parts, don't worry, I'll have your best interests in mind - I'll have your back next year.” That did not go over well with his fellow students.
He has also been heard telling employees around the college that he will soon be their superior, so they better be nice to him if they want a few extra pennies added to their pay cheque next year.
“If I don't tell these people who I am, how would they ever know that they are supposed to look up to me?” asked the candidate. “I read in a book that people like to be put in their place by their superiors, like I am soon to be. They need to know that I am the boss, the president, and well, ruler. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm running very short on time, as my potential job keeps me very busy.”
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
