Belichick spygate scandal takes bizzare turn
Football, lies and a fascination with all things videotape; New England Patriots football coach Bill Belichick can't seem to shake a litany of accusations.
After being caught videotaping an opposing teams signals at the start of the 2007 season, on the eve of the Super Bowl another allegation that the team video taped a final walk through practice on the eve of their first Super Bowl win over the St. Louis Rams, even more controversy is swirling around the beleaguered head coach.
This time, players around the NFL are starting to suggest that they had an uneasy feeling that they were being video taped while showering after games in the visitors locker room at Foxboro, a claim that Belichick's ex-wife Debby is substantiating.
“Bill has always had a fascination with filming things. I think it's really an obsession that started when he was rejected by UCLA School of Theater, Film and Television,” said Debby. “Instead he had to go to Wesleyan University. He always wanted to be a film director. It's been his secret ambition.”
Asked what that had to do with the recent allegations of filming opposing players in the shower, Debby referred to the situation as “same old Bill.”
“He used to want to film me in the shower, and us making love, and he filmed the birth of our children. But there was always difficulty especially when he was dragging a 8mm film camera around,” said Debby. “As technology evolved so did he. He hid little cameras everywhere, and then he'd splice things together to come up with ‘feature films'. I routinely saw him editing post game footage Sunday nights at home. Let me put it to you this way, I think I know Peyton Manning every which way possible even though I haven't met him. He's got this cute little mole at the base of his, ahh maybe I've said too much.”
With the renewed accusations U.S. Senator Arlen Specter has turned up the heat on the NFL to get to the bottom of these claims. Specter has picked up additional support from Senator Larry Craig, famous for his own bathroom gate incident in a Minnesota airport.
“I think we need to see any and all tapes involved in this matter,” said Craig. “I will personally pour over all the footage myself, frame by single frame if necessary.”
New England linebacker Junior Seau admits that Belichick routinely videotaped the defensive players on the field and in the locker room.
“I thought it was strange when I first arrived here, but Bill has a special bond with his defensive players,” said Seau. “Bill cares for his players in every way possible. I never understood what the Patriot way was until I came here. Now I know what it's all about.”
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell will be setting up a meeting with the Senators to help clear up the situation next week.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
After being caught videotaping an opposing teams signals at the start of the 2007 season, on the eve of the Super Bowl another allegation that the team video taped a final walk through practice on the eve of their first Super Bowl win over the St. Louis Rams, even more controversy is swirling around the beleaguered head coach.
This time, players around the NFL are starting to suggest that they had an uneasy feeling that they were being video taped while showering after games in the visitors locker room at Foxboro, a claim that Belichick's ex-wife Debby is substantiating.
“Bill has always had a fascination with filming things. I think it's really an obsession that started when he was rejected by UCLA School of Theater, Film and Television,” said Debby. “Instead he had to go to Wesleyan University. He always wanted to be a film director. It's been his secret ambition.”
Asked what that had to do with the recent allegations of filming opposing players in the shower, Debby referred to the situation as “same old Bill.”
“He used to want to film me in the shower, and us making love, and he filmed the birth of our children. But there was always difficulty especially when he was dragging a 8mm film camera around,” said Debby. “As technology evolved so did he. He hid little cameras everywhere, and then he'd splice things together to come up with ‘feature films'. I routinely saw him editing post game footage Sunday nights at home. Let me put it to you this way, I think I know Peyton Manning every which way possible even though I haven't met him. He's got this cute little mole at the base of his, ahh maybe I've said too much.”
With the renewed accusations U.S. Senator Arlen Specter has turned up the heat on the NFL to get to the bottom of these claims. Specter has picked up additional support from Senator Larry Craig, famous for his own bathroom gate incident in a Minnesota airport.
“I think we need to see any and all tapes involved in this matter,” said Craig. “I will personally pour over all the footage myself, frame by single frame if necessary.”
New England linebacker Junior Seau admits that Belichick routinely videotaped the defensive players on the field and in the locker room.
“I thought it was strange when I first arrived here, but Bill has a special bond with his defensive players,” said Seau. “Bill cares for his players in every way possible. I never understood what the Patriot way was until I came here. Now I know what it's all about.”
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell will be setting up a meeting with the Senators to help clear up the situation next week.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
