Fretting about her future for the past two months and trying frantically to get a job within the college before her term as FSU president expired, Christine Thomson may have found her calling, albeit a little less regal than she has been used to.

Assured by senior college administrators that they would do everything humanly possible to circumvent the college's current hiring freeze and union rules in staff hirings, Thomson will move from the FSU's corner office with the big window to the college's administration offices in H-Building. Thomson's new title will be the assistant to the executive assistant. One of her main duties will be to make sure college president Howard Rundle's private bathroom be cleaned spotless hourly.

“One of the reasons this executive position was created for Ms. Thomson was because of her thoroughness,” said an employee in Rundle's office. “(Rundle) is always prattling on about how chipper, prepared and committed (Thomson) is that he just had to find something for her to do. Though I'm not sure if she knows what she's getting into.”

According to sources in the executive offices Rundle is a healthy eater who delights in eating high fibre foods such as fruits, vegetables, bran bars and a variety of nuts. The staff fridge is also stocked with a healthy quantity of prune juice, and Rundle has been known to consume upwards of a litre of the drink in a day.

“Somedays we're not even sure if (Rundle's) desk chair or his personal throne is seeing more butt time,” said the employee in Rundle's office. “One thing for sure, the person who had to scrub the toilet before won't miss that job. Somedays you could here them choking and wheezing from the intense smell. I sure hope Ms. Thomson has a strong stomach, especially the times she'll have to deal with splatter around the rim and even under the toilet seat.”

For her part Thomson is excited about the opportunity to begin a career at the college.

“I'm going to make damn sure that that toilet is spic and span,” said Thomson.

Asked if she was disappointed that slick talking administrators who may have promised the moon in a potential job at the college hadn't come through in the clutch.

“Of course I'm disappointed, I mean wouldn't you be,” said Thomson. “You go from sitting at a board table with these same people and now I'm cleaning their toilet, but I'm going to seize this toilet brush of an opportunity and by god I'm going to make it shine, and eventually I'll move up another rung in the ladder.”

Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.