Ask the Sex Doc: Men envy bedroom toys
Dear Sex Doc;
I'm interested in using sex toys, but I don't know how to suggest it to my boyfriend. I just know he's going to take it personally even though I always tell him our sex is great. How do I bring the topic up with him?
Buzz Word @ UBCO
Dear Buzz Word @ UBCO;
I always recommend that people don't talk about sexual concerns in the bedroom (especially after something goes wrong). Your boyfriend may assume that you need a toy because he isn't good enough for you.
Most guys think that sliding their dicks in and out is enough for their women. What most men don't know is that many women don't orgasm through penis-vagina sex.
You may want this toy to reach the big O or you may just want to turn your bedroom into a sexual playground. Either way, it's cool for you to want to use toys.
When bringing up the topic of sex toys, be light-hearted and playful. I know you already tell him the sex is great, but reassure him that he is a stud in the sack. When he's all gushy, tell him you feel a toy will make sex that much better.
When it comes to introducing sex toys into a relationship it is best to start with something light. Before bringing a monster dong or vibrator into the relationship, you may want to use massage oils, edible creams, feather ticklers or a sexual board game.
If you do want a dong or vibe, it is best to start with one that isn't shaped like a penis. There are many wonderful external vibrators on the market that don't even look like sex toys.
I don't think you'll have too many problems convincing your guy to bring a play toy into the bedroom. Most men enjoy spicing up their sex lives with toys. I'm sure he'll be ecstatic you want to explore them.
Dear Sex Doc;
I have almost completely given up on trying to meet new girls around school or even out around town. I haven't dated in about three years now and I always seem to go for the wrong girls. Everyone says that the right one will come along but I have been waiting three years for that and nothing has came my way. I just find it so hard to go up to a random girl that I find attractive and strike up a conversation. Please give me some tips on what I should do, thank you.
Losing My Patience @ SAIT
Dear Losing My Patience;
First of all, don't give up. If you lose faith in women you probably won't seem too attractive to any chick.
I don't think sitting on your ass waiting for the perfect girl to magically ‘come along' is the best idea. You need to get out there, show your face, and meet some women. Come on, you're in school buddy. There must be tons of girls you are interested in.
Most people fear approaching someone they are attracted to. You're no different there. It's perfectly normal to be scared shitless or fear rejection. But, if someone says no, it doesn't automatically mean they don't dig you.
That gal might already be in a healthy, happy and horny relationship. She could also be focused on other things in her life. She might want to excel in the classroom more than in the relationship department. Or, she might not be interested in boys because she likes girls.
Yes, it is kinda creepy to run up to someone in the hallway and strike up a conversation with them out-of-the-blue, but sooner or later you're going to have to talk to someone.
You might want to join some social groups at school, which are more conducive to meeting people. But, please make sure it's something you're interested in. If you randomly choose something you suck at or couldn't care less about, you're going to look like quite the dork.
Other places on campus that are easier to meet people at are cafeterias, libraries and study halls. If you spot a girl you like, sit by her. Strike up a conversation about how cafeteria food sucks.
One of the easiest ways to meet people is through friends. Have you tried tapping into your extended friend network? At least that way you can find out if she's got 50 cats living in her apartment.
Just because you say you always go for the ‘wrong' girls doesn't mean you f'ed up. You need to learn from your ‘mistakes' and move on. And Losing My Patience, have you considered what it is about you that is attracting the wrong girls?
Remember, most relationships don't work. You'll most likely have to try a few before you find one that works out. But, remember to have fun trying.
Dr. Brian Parker is a clinical sexologist and sex educator and the co-creator of two sexual intimacy board games “Embrace” and “Pillow Talk.” The games are available on his website, www.foreverpleasure.com which features original erotic art, high-end sensual products and adult sex education.
This column is made possible by the generous support of O'My Natural Lubricants. If you have a sexual question you want answered in the ‘Ask the Sex Doc' column please email drbrian@foreverpleasure.com and watch for his response in this paper.
I'm interested in using sex toys, but I don't know how to suggest it to my boyfriend. I just know he's going to take it personally even though I always tell him our sex is great. How do I bring the topic up with him?
Buzz Word @ UBCO
Dear Buzz Word @ UBCO;
I always recommend that people don't talk about sexual concerns in the bedroom (especially after something goes wrong). Your boyfriend may assume that you need a toy because he isn't good enough for you.
Most guys think that sliding their dicks in and out is enough for their women. What most men don't know is that many women don't orgasm through penis-vagina sex.
You may want this toy to reach the big O or you may just want to turn your bedroom into a sexual playground. Either way, it's cool for you to want to use toys.
When bringing up the topic of sex toys, be light-hearted and playful. I know you already tell him the sex is great, but reassure him that he is a stud in the sack. When he's all gushy, tell him you feel a toy will make sex that much better.
When it comes to introducing sex toys into a relationship it is best to start with something light. Before bringing a monster dong or vibrator into the relationship, you may want to use massage oils, edible creams, feather ticklers or a sexual board game.
If you do want a dong or vibe, it is best to start with one that isn't shaped like a penis. There are many wonderful external vibrators on the market that don't even look like sex toys.
I don't think you'll have too many problems convincing your guy to bring a play toy into the bedroom. Most men enjoy spicing up their sex lives with toys. I'm sure he'll be ecstatic you want to explore them.
Dear Sex Doc;
I have almost completely given up on trying to meet new girls around school or even out around town. I haven't dated in about three years now and I always seem to go for the wrong girls. Everyone says that the right one will come along but I have been waiting three years for that and nothing has came my way. I just find it so hard to go up to a random girl that I find attractive and strike up a conversation. Please give me some tips on what I should do, thank you.
Losing My Patience @ SAIT
Dear Losing My Patience;
First of all, don't give up. If you lose faith in women you probably won't seem too attractive to any chick.
I don't think sitting on your ass waiting for the perfect girl to magically ‘come along' is the best idea. You need to get out there, show your face, and meet some women. Come on, you're in school buddy. There must be tons of girls you are interested in.
Most people fear approaching someone they are attracted to. You're no different there. It's perfectly normal to be scared shitless or fear rejection. But, if someone says no, it doesn't automatically mean they don't dig you.
That gal might already be in a healthy, happy and horny relationship. She could also be focused on other things in her life. She might want to excel in the classroom more than in the relationship department. Or, she might not be interested in boys because she likes girls.
Yes, it is kinda creepy to run up to someone in the hallway and strike up a conversation with them out-of-the-blue, but sooner or later you're going to have to talk to someone.
You might want to join some social groups at school, which are more conducive to meeting people. But, please make sure it's something you're interested in. If you randomly choose something you suck at or couldn't care less about, you're going to look like quite the dork.
Other places on campus that are easier to meet people at are cafeterias, libraries and study halls. If you spot a girl you like, sit by her. Strike up a conversation about how cafeteria food sucks.
One of the easiest ways to meet people is through friends. Have you tried tapping into your extended friend network? At least that way you can find out if she's got 50 cats living in her apartment.
Just because you say you always go for the ‘wrong' girls doesn't mean you f'ed up. You need to learn from your ‘mistakes' and move on. And Losing My Patience, have you considered what it is about you that is attracting the wrong girls?
Remember, most relationships don't work. You'll most likely have to try a few before you find one that works out. But, remember to have fun trying.
Dr. Brian Parker is a clinical sexologist and sex educator and the co-creator of two sexual intimacy board games “Embrace” and “Pillow Talk.” The games are available on his website, www.foreverpleasure.com which features original erotic art, high-end sensual products and adult sex education.
This column is made possible by the generous support of O'My Natural Lubricants. If you have a sexual question you want answered in the ‘Ask the Sex Doc' column please email drbrian@foreverpleasure.com and watch for his response in this paper.
