McCartney: “I should have pushed her when I had the chance.”
Nearly eight months after attempting to bring awareness to the world about the Canadian seal hunt, Sir Paul McCartney is showing remorse for not having the gumption to have thrown wife Heather Mills-McCartney into the freezing waters.
In a Distorter exclusive, McCartney revealed that his marriage was on icy footing way back in March when the pair stepped onto the ice floes in seal skinned lined thermal footwear to protest the hunt. The couple made a public show of affection goo gooing over the seal pups, but Sir Paul revealed he had other thoughts on his mind.
“I thought I should have pushed her when I had the chance,” said Sir Paul. “If I knew then what I know, I certainly would have done it. But I was afraid I couldn't pull it off in making it look like an accident. And I thought damn wooden leg, it would probably help her float.”
Sir Paul readily admits things began to spiral out of control when it was discovered the wife was a high priced call girl to a number of middle eastern sheik's.
“Here I am, a pasty white English man haunted by the image of olive skinned men having their way with her for a price,” said Sir Paul. “To boot, she never wanted to do anything kinky with me and that peeves me off.”
In divorce papers Heather claims that Sir Paul choked her, threw her on a coffee table, pushed her into a bath, poured wine on her, stabbed her in the arm with a broken wine glass and told her “they are my breasts” when she was about to breast feed their baby.
“I can't deny all the claims,” Sir Paul said. “But the coffee table and wine spilling on her was just a wild night of sex, I was just helping her into the bath the other time. I did stab her, but that was in the fake leg and not in the arm, and the breast are mine. I paid for them.”
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005
In a Distorter exclusive, McCartney revealed that his marriage was on icy footing way back in March when the pair stepped onto the ice floes in seal skinned lined thermal footwear to protest the hunt. The couple made a public show of affection goo gooing over the seal pups, but Sir Paul revealed he had other thoughts on his mind.
“I thought I should have pushed her when I had the chance,” said Sir Paul. “If I knew then what I know, I certainly would have done it. But I was afraid I couldn't pull it off in making it look like an accident. And I thought damn wooden leg, it would probably help her float.”
Sir Paul readily admits things began to spiral out of control when it was discovered the wife was a high priced call girl to a number of middle eastern sheik's.
“Here I am, a pasty white English man haunted by the image of olive skinned men having their way with her for a price,” said Sir Paul. “To boot, she never wanted to do anything kinky with me and that peeves me off.”
In divorce papers Heather claims that Sir Paul choked her, threw her on a coffee table, pushed her into a bath, poured wine on her, stabbed her in the arm with a broken wine glass and told her “they are my breasts” when she was about to breast feed their baby.
“I can't deny all the claims,” Sir Paul said. “But the coffee table and wine spilling on her was just a wild night of sex, I was just helping her into the bath the other time. I did stab her, but that was in the fake leg and not in the arm, and the breast are mine. I paid for them.”
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005
