CREDIT: JEN DOEDE
Going to the bar tends to be a way for people to let off some steam and have a good time, but in reality, this trend is overrated

You've got to be barking mad to go to the bar: It's time to admit they're overrated

I've never understood people that go to a bar. Don't get me wrong I'm not coming from a position of condescension here, I just genuinely don't understand the bar experience. I see going to the bar kind of like getting the flu shot. I don't want to wait in line for it, it's a real pain in the butt… er, arm, and I'm probably going to get sick anyway.

Alcohol already costs and arm and a leg so why would I want to go somewhere that's going to charge me five dollars for a shot of the cheapest rum they own? At the LCBO I can get a nice bottle of vodka for $40 or $50, but just because I want to dance later you're going to charge me $100.00 to get a bottle at your club? That's insane, that's highway robbery, that's extortion!

Speaking of extortion, don't even get me started on cover prices. I just stood in the freezing cold for 20 minutes and you're still going to charge me just for the chance to step into the warmth of your dingy bar? So what happens when I finally get in there then? Free shots? A bootleg screening of Stephen King's It? Complimentary coat check maybe? Nope, nothing whatsoever. Just the privilege of having a DJ try to deafen me the moment I step inside. Cover is a little bit like the bar holding people hostage, isn't it? Going to a few different bars in one night can cost up to $40 in cover charges alone, so what do most broke college kids do? They have to pick one bar and hope to God that it's not a complete dive.

Speaking of dives, where do you get off charging cover in the first place? You don't have any toilet paper in the stalls, the soap dispensers ran out of soap last year and the floor is more mold and beer than it is floor. If I can walk into your bar and smell grime hanging in the air, what the hell are you doing charging me cover?

When I ask my friends why they go out to bars instead of getting together at home and getting hammered at home for $20 or less, a lot of them reply, “Oh it's just a great way to meet people.” Excuse me? Have you ever been to a bar? Unless your definition of meeting people is screaming “What did you say?” Into the ears of strangers all night, then you're not really meeting anyone. Most people don't even want to talk unless you're buying them booze in the first place. Hell, the only time I can even hear well enough to have a conversation is in the bathroom, which is the one place I don't want to be having a conversation. I don't care that you just had seven Jägerbombs I'm trying to go pee and you're standing uncomfortable close to my urinal.

What is it about the bar that turns guys into complete weirdos anyway? Guys at the bar drool more than boxer dogs, and they somehow have worse manners too! So what if you bought her that drink, she doesn't owe you squat. Last week when Brad bought you McDonald's did you have to suck his dick for it? Hell no. So what's the difference now?

The bar will forever be a foreign enigma to me. A place that turns reasonably intelligent people into animalistic cesspools with no self-respect, or control. I'll take a basement game of beer pong and a bottle of Captain Morgan over Jack's or Ceeps any day of the week
Editorial opinions or comments expressed in this online edition of Interrobang newspaper reflect the views of the writer and are not those of the Interrobang or the Fanshawe Student Union. The Interrobang is published weekly by the Fanshawe Student Union at 1001 Fanshawe College Blvd., P.O. Box 7005, London, Ontario, N5Y 5R6 and distributed through the Fanshawe College community. Letters to the editor are welcome. All letters are subject to editing and should be emailed. All letters must be accompanied by contact information. Letters can also be submitted online by clicking here.