I recently came home to an unsolicited, local, presumably free publication in my mailbox amongst the typical slue of bills and pizza flyers. The magazine was called Real Women London; a self proclaimed “Magazine for Contemporary Women.” Being a contemporary woman from London, I assumed that I would find all kinds of topical, empowering and interesting information throughout.

To start, the cover photograph was of a woman, sipping red wine, wearing fashionable career clothing, longingly looking out a large bay window with the caption “Lonely In London” boldly placed beside her. The other two cover features were promising information regarding psychic abilities and a wedding.

I began to worry that the lack of wide-leg tweed pants, window seats and clairvoyant tendencies in my life precluded me from being a real woman. These concerns were later dispelled though when the editor explained in her letter that the cover woman was in fact “representative of any woman” in London.

Whew! I continued to read with a new confidence that even if I weren't yet real or contemporary enough for tailored trousers and reflective wine drinking, this magazine would surely guide me away from unwomanly abstraction and towards modern authenticity.

First, I decided to skim the monthly's advertisements to see what kinds of products and services I, being a real and contemporary woman, should be interested in. Among other things there were two full-page glossy ads for weight-loss, five ads for cosmetic surgery and treatment clinics, countless promotions of elite restaurants, one dating and one handyman service as well as a quarter-panel advertising a wig and mastectomy shop with a disconcertingly buxom, mane-haired young woman dripping sex and telling me I could be privately fitted with some of “Oprah's favourite bra's (sic).”

Having learned that I should lose weight, receive botox treatments, eat at fancy restaurants, find a man to date and hire a man to do my home repairs, I decided to venture forth and find out what else I should be doing in order to be a genuine woman.

The first article was an explanation of how single people are not lepers and do not need to be pitied at family functions; though we should not bring up their love life either as this could be a delicate subject. Here I was assuming that I need not talk about the relationship status of my family members because it was none of my business. Thank goodness that was cleared up!

Next, a handy guide on how to deal with children's questions about sex warned that parents are the most important sexual health mentors in a child's life. At first, I was concerned that although it did give some great tips on why parents should talk to their children, it did not lay any guidelines regarding a definition of a sexually healthy lifestyle. Luckily, a later article provided some excellent information about the dangers of a woman not having sex often enough. Not to mention all the great facts real women can obtain for their children concerning self-esteem and body image by contacting any one of the neat weight-loss or cosmetic surgery clinics so conveniently advertised throughout the magazine.

There was also an intriguing story about a young woman who went on an amazing journey with her father to Argentina by motorcycle. It was a riveting tale about father/daughter relationships and how one young woman narrowly missed learning anything about her complicated bike, beyond its colour. With the recent resurgence of motorcycles into popular culture, it's a good thing this article was published before too many women lost their real contemporariness by becoming too knowledgeable about the inner-workings of an engine.

Other articles written by the magazines all-white staff of contributors included an informative lesson on why some wines made with grapes of the same name can turn out to be tasting of fresh-cut grass, asparagus and gooseberry while others taste of leaves, mango and guava.

There was a review of a restaurant situated just off of the famed Richmond Row, as well as a layout of clothes, which are sure to make any feel woman “real,” that can all be bought on this same high-fashion, high-priced stretch of downtown London.

From lessons about decadent chocolates and proper posture to the central article on how to snag a man using the Internet so as not to be lonely Real Women London has truly provided me with a new perspective on how to be a woman.

Hopefully with continued readership I can avoid becoming one of those completely unreal single mothers with an income below $30,000 a year that make up one tenth of all the women in London. I cannot wait to have a daughter so that I can instill in her all the contemporary philosophies this magazine taught me regarding self-esteem and sexual identity. With any luck, her drive for realness will help her become one of the 70 per cent of real nine-year-old girls who are currently dieting, the half of all genuine Canadian women who have experienced sexual harassment and the quickly growing number of modern young-women being infected with HIV.

If you too aspire to know how wine knowledge, weddings, wealth and weight-loss can really make you a woman; check out the magazine on-line at www.realwomenlondon.com.
Editorial opinions or comments expressed in this online edition of Interrobang newspaper reflect the views of the writer and are not those of the Interrobang or the Fanshawe Student Union. The Interrobang is published weekly by the Fanshawe Student Union at 1001 Fanshawe College Blvd., P.O. Box 7005, London, Ontario, N5Y 5R6 and distributed through the Fanshawe College community. Letters to the editor are welcome. All letters are subject to editing and should be emailed. All letters must be accompanied by contact information. Letters can also be submitted online by clicking here.