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It's not just pillow talk

It's not just pillow talk

Ajiitha Anand | Interrobang | Lifestyles | September 12th, 2016




The best sex comes from an honest conversation. As easy as that sounds, it’s harder than you think, especially when you’re in the moment. You would think telling your partner how you like to be touched is the best way to achieve amazing sex but many people have trouble with simply saying “I don’t like this” or “I like when you do this”. Communication and trust takes time to develop so it’s okay to be afraid, that’s normal. Luckily there’s a fix to lack of communication in the bedroom.

There are many ways to communicate if you are having trouble communicating vocally such as moving your body: take the lead and show them how it’s done. Body language is a popular way to show your partner what turns you on and what does not. If you are afraid of offending your partner by telling them, then show them. Using your hands is always an option, guiding them and leading can also be attractive. For example, if your partner is performing oral, you can move closer or away or gently hold their head to escort them.

Moaning is another vocal way to communicate without words. If you like what they’re doing, moaning will let them know if what they’re doing is pleasurable. Being honest is important but it’s also a good reminder to be polite as well. If you don’t enjoy the way your partner is touching you, avoid words like “ew” or anything that would make someone feel bad. However, if you feel like you are not comfortable, do not be afraid to say stop. Communication in the bedroom is not only about asking your partner to pleasure you, it’s about being able to say no as well.

Remind your partner of the good things too. Don’t talk about what they’re doing wrong if that’s all you’re going to tell them. It’s a nice reminder to let them know you’re having a good time.

More often than not, relationships break apart through lack of communication. According to a Western student in his third year, who wishes to remain anonymous, he lost his three-year long relationship to infidelity. The young man is in love with his girlfriend whom he had cheated on several times because he was too afraid to communicate.

“I regret not telling my girlfriend how I felt. She wasn’t always comforting emotionally, and she expected so much from me…sexually, I felt like I wasn’t enough for her. Even though we were together for three whole years, for some reason, my insecurities got ahold of me and I just couldn’t tell her,” he said.

He went on to say that because he was unable to communicate his feelings to his girlfriend, it helped when others comforted him. However, the comfort from others went too far and it reached a point when he started having sexual relations with other women. His confidence rose when he was sleeping with women who he was able to communicate with. He began to feel like he was enough. Eventually he confessed to his girlfriend out of guilt and it broke up three years of trust. He says after some time, she agreed to stay with him as they continue to work on their relationship and slowly build trust again.

Everyone is human and communication is not always easy. Everyone works with different comfort zones. However, to avoid hurting anyone, including yourself, it’s important to tell your partner your thought process. It’s crucial to work with your partner and not against them regardless if it’s intentional or not.

The importance of communication is beyond the bedroom. Remember the key to a healthy relationship with anyone is honesty and communication. People aren’t mind readers.

Read your mind to them, it makes life a lot simpler.
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