It's time to butt-out or be a butt, according to our local Health Unit as they launch an aggressive campaign to curb smoking.

The Butt-Out campaign was launched amid great fanfare in the lobby of the Health Unit. Matilda Butt is the organizations latest spokesperson/mascot. When the curtain was drawn, Butt, with lit cigarette introduced herself to news media the best way she could, in a haze of smelly smoke.

“I'm here to get the message out that smoking is for fools,” said Butt to a stunned audience. “Young impressionable people need to know that this is something that they shouldn't try, and if they do they'll look like a rear end.”

The Health Unit's campaign coincides with the release of a major study across 52 countries that has shown that using any form of tobacco increases the risk of heart attack by up to three times. The study examined the risk of heart attack from using various forms of tobacco (both smoked and smokeless) as well as exposure to secondhand smoke. The study found that people who smoked tobacco in any form including sheesha (waterpipe) and bidis (small hand-rolled cigarettes) had a three-fold increased risk of a heart attack compared to non-smokers.  People who chewed tobacco had twice the risk compared to non-smokers.

In a message directed to those that love to chew tobacco, Butt gave a demonstration of how vile a habit the chew really is. First by inserting some into her orifice and then spitting it out into a spittoon. While the image made for good television, the gushing brown juice smelled vile
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Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Prouldy distorting the truth since 2005