Sex: When it's not enough
Otherwise known as “nymphomania” for females and “satyriasis” for males, these names describe a person who is obsessed with sex, or has an abnormal sex drive. Their lives are so dominated with sex that their ability to function properly, have relationships, and go about their daily activities is seriously affected.
Since 2006, Deb McLachlin M.S.W., R.S.W. and soon-to-be licensed sex therapist, has had a particular interest in treating sexual issues and relationships. McLachlin claimed that sexual addictions, along with any addiction, relates to a degree of preoccupation that is intrusive on a thought level and on a behavioural level interferes with a person’s functioning.
“With an addiction, the dopamine pathway of the brain is the pleasure centre. So whether you’re using alcohol or heroin you build up an apprehension or craving that gets sort of enshrined into your brain functioning so you have to have it,” she said.
“With sex addiction they possibly say it’s the worse of the addiction because there is such an attraction component in the craving.”
“In the 1980’s and so they talked about serial monogamy and we laughed! Meaning that you would have one long term relationship, then another one and another one and another one,” said McLachlin. “We thought, ‘It’s never going to happen,’ but it has happened. We’re there.”
Causes
It only makes sense to be addicted to sex… right? It feels good and makes you feel good after (if done properly) just like drugs and alcohol make people feel good. However, this is rarely the cause to how people develop the addiction.
1. Abuse: “There might be anger. Abuse fast tracks to sex addiction and part of it is inappropriate boundaries. Say, if someone is having sex from the age of 13 or younger, they tend not to want to preserve themselves or hesitate about choice of partner. There can be a negative image of ‘I’m discarded’ [or] ‘I’m not valued,’ a sort of disconnect from the body. It’s an, ‘I don’t care,’ kind of view. You used my body so I’m going to use it,” McLachlin said.
2. Porn: “It’s insidious but it is in a lot of homes. They’re trying to present a Barbie to the world for female genitalia, instead of accepting the real diversity of women,” said McLachlin. “Porn use amongst teenage boys is increasing. They don’t have a normal smell the roses approach to sex and desire. So it has to always be another set of breast, another body… and it really sort of scorches their brain in that way and it gets skewed.”
3. Injury: Some sex addicts may be suffering from a brain injury, which stops them from distinguishing right from wrong. “Loss of the frontal lobe, which is inhibition, says ‘No you can’t do it.’ It’s normal to have violent thoughts… but it’s your frontal lobe that says no, you can’t drive into that apartment or you may be holding that knife, but no,” said McLachlin. “Why don’t we just push the limits and make it coercive and force this person have sex with me and so on you know that really isn’t acceptable.” Damage to this part of the brain can lead to instances of paraphilia.
Problems
Addictions lead to feelings of guilt, shame, despair, failure, rejection, humiliation and causes risky behaviour. Yet, when it comes to compulsive sexual behaviour other issues arise. Though the threat of danger is clear, they may take risks regardless of the potential outcomes – even if this means possible health problems.
1. STDs: When someone has sex with multiple people, it increases the chances of one of those sexual partners not wearing a condom.
“In spite of condoms being used, people can pick things up. An example is with herpes or other STI’s where there can be a silent carrier so a person doesn’t know he or she is infected. With herpes, apparently there are dry skin flakes in the area that transmit the virus and apparently good looking skin doesn’t assure you of it.” Said McLachlin.
Functioning: One problem for hypersexual females in particular that interferes with their functioning is what McLachlin called vaginismus.
“With sexual addiction very often are they’re out there doing risky stuff they get treated improperly or they get raped and then there functioning starts to change so the vagina doesn’t always cooperate,” she said. “Vaginismus in women is when the vagina clamps down and does not allow any entry. Even a finger is painful to put in and that sort of happens involuntarily. The woman could want to use a tampon or put her finger there and she doesn’t have much choice.”
A problem more for males that was previously mentioned was paraphilia, which can be described as the intense sexual arousal to abnormal objects, situations, or individuals. A paraphilia, like addictions, can revolve around something physical such as children, animals, underwear or around a behaviour such as inflicting pain or exposing oneself.
“Why don’t we just push the limits and make it coercive and force this person have sex with me and so on you know that really isn’t acceptable. And if they are into using drugs and alcohol with it, their thinking get blurred,” said McLachlin.
3. Privacy: “They don’t want their kids to know that they’re having sex with a lot of people so they often have to be very careful. One person went to a sex party here in London with their partner and on their way out they happened to see his co-worker coming in and that’s a difficulty. But others believe that that’s permissible and how they want to leave their lives,” McLachlin said.
Treatment
The Brain That Changes Itself by Canadian-born writer Norman Doidge reveals a revolutionary discovery of neuroplasticity that debunks theories of locationism in the human brain.
“What we taught people was that if you have a minor brain injury, to bad so sad, go home and compensate and now what they’re saying is that you reprogram it. Thoughts are synaptic transmissions and what they’re saying is that you can change psychiatric difficulties,” said McLachlin.
“I worked a brain injury in 1999 at Parkwood and the big [term] there was ‘compensatory strategies.’ It was erroneous that neurology taught us locationism with speech, language, movement,” said McLaclhlin as she pointed to different spots all over her head.
“All that locationism that we were taught in the 1990’s and all of these compensatory strategies was all garbage. What they’re saying now is that the brain changes. The Russian soldier who had half of his brain blown away in the 1910’s should not have been able to talk and eat,” she explained.
Another form of treatment that works wonders for people has been meditation. McLachlin demonstrated how she tells her clients to start by taking at a stone and examine every speck, colour and crack for a whole minute focusing on nothing else. Then doing so again for another minute with your eyes closed. This is meant to help focus on things other and rid your mind of the thought of sex (or any other thoughts).
“It is helping you to discipline your thoughts about other intrusive thinking. In fact, this type of exercise would also be good to help prepare yourself for exams,” said McLachlin.
There are multiple support groups for people with hypersexuality. Sex Addicts Anonymous works to share each other’s strengths and experiences to help others recover from their sexual dependencies.
If you or someone you may know is a sex addict or has other doubts about your sex life such as: lack of sexual desire, erectile difficulties, body image, arousal difficulties, sexual abuse, orgasm difficulties, sexual discomfort or pain, sexual identity and gender questions, McLachlin’s office is located at 472 Ridout St. N. and is always encouraging students to come to her with concerns. It is important to address your difficulties and achieve results to better your state of mind because chances are you’re not the only one.
Since 2006, Deb McLachlin M.S.W., R.S.W. and soon-to-be licensed sex therapist, has had a particular interest in treating sexual issues and relationships. McLachlin claimed that sexual addictions, along with any addiction, relates to a degree of preoccupation that is intrusive on a thought level and on a behavioural level interferes with a person’s functioning.
“With an addiction, the dopamine pathway of the brain is the pleasure centre. So whether you’re using alcohol or heroin you build up an apprehension or craving that gets sort of enshrined into your brain functioning so you have to have it,” she said.
“With sex addiction they possibly say it’s the worse of the addiction because there is such an attraction component in the craving.”
“In the 1980’s and so they talked about serial monogamy and we laughed! Meaning that you would have one long term relationship, then another one and another one and another one,” said McLachlin. “We thought, ‘It’s never going to happen,’ but it has happened. We’re there.”
Causes
It only makes sense to be addicted to sex… right? It feels good and makes you feel good after (if done properly) just like drugs and alcohol make people feel good. However, this is rarely the cause to how people develop the addiction.
1. Abuse: “There might be anger. Abuse fast tracks to sex addiction and part of it is inappropriate boundaries. Say, if someone is having sex from the age of 13 or younger, they tend not to want to preserve themselves or hesitate about choice of partner. There can be a negative image of ‘I’m discarded’ [or] ‘I’m not valued,’ a sort of disconnect from the body. It’s an, ‘I don’t care,’ kind of view. You used my body so I’m going to use it,” McLachlin said.
2. Porn: “It’s insidious but it is in a lot of homes. They’re trying to present a Barbie to the world for female genitalia, instead of accepting the real diversity of women,” said McLachlin. “Porn use amongst teenage boys is increasing. They don’t have a normal smell the roses approach to sex and desire. So it has to always be another set of breast, another body… and it really sort of scorches their brain in that way and it gets skewed.”
3. Injury: Some sex addicts may be suffering from a brain injury, which stops them from distinguishing right from wrong. “Loss of the frontal lobe, which is inhibition, says ‘No you can’t do it.’ It’s normal to have violent thoughts… but it’s your frontal lobe that says no, you can’t drive into that apartment or you may be holding that knife, but no,” said McLachlin. “Why don’t we just push the limits and make it coercive and force this person have sex with me and so on you know that really isn’t acceptable.” Damage to this part of the brain can lead to instances of paraphilia.
Problems
Addictions lead to feelings of guilt, shame, despair, failure, rejection, humiliation and causes risky behaviour. Yet, when it comes to compulsive sexual behaviour other issues arise. Though the threat of danger is clear, they may take risks regardless of the potential outcomes – even if this means possible health problems.
1. STDs: When someone has sex with multiple people, it increases the chances of one of those sexual partners not wearing a condom.
“In spite of condoms being used, people can pick things up. An example is with herpes or other STI’s where there can be a silent carrier so a person doesn’t know he or she is infected. With herpes, apparently there are dry skin flakes in the area that transmit the virus and apparently good looking skin doesn’t assure you of it.” Said McLachlin.
Functioning: One problem for hypersexual females in particular that interferes with their functioning is what McLachlin called vaginismus.
“With sexual addiction very often are they’re out there doing risky stuff they get treated improperly or they get raped and then there functioning starts to change so the vagina doesn’t always cooperate,” she said. “Vaginismus in women is when the vagina clamps down and does not allow any entry. Even a finger is painful to put in and that sort of happens involuntarily. The woman could want to use a tampon or put her finger there and she doesn’t have much choice.”
A problem more for males that was previously mentioned was paraphilia, which can be described as the intense sexual arousal to abnormal objects, situations, or individuals. A paraphilia, like addictions, can revolve around something physical such as children, animals, underwear or around a behaviour such as inflicting pain or exposing oneself.
“Why don’t we just push the limits and make it coercive and force this person have sex with me and so on you know that really isn’t acceptable. And if they are into using drugs and alcohol with it, their thinking get blurred,” said McLachlin.
3. Privacy: “They don’t want their kids to know that they’re having sex with a lot of people so they often have to be very careful. One person went to a sex party here in London with their partner and on their way out they happened to see his co-worker coming in and that’s a difficulty. But others believe that that’s permissible and how they want to leave their lives,” McLachlin said.
Treatment
The Brain That Changes Itself by Canadian-born writer Norman Doidge reveals a revolutionary discovery of neuroplasticity that debunks theories of locationism in the human brain.
“What we taught people was that if you have a minor brain injury, to bad so sad, go home and compensate and now what they’re saying is that you reprogram it. Thoughts are synaptic transmissions and what they’re saying is that you can change psychiatric difficulties,” said McLachlin.
“I worked a brain injury in 1999 at Parkwood and the big [term] there was ‘compensatory strategies.’ It was erroneous that neurology taught us locationism with speech, language, movement,” said McLaclhlin as she pointed to different spots all over her head.
“All that locationism that we were taught in the 1990’s and all of these compensatory strategies was all garbage. What they’re saying now is that the brain changes. The Russian soldier who had half of his brain blown away in the 1910’s should not have been able to talk and eat,” she explained.
Another form of treatment that works wonders for people has been meditation. McLachlin demonstrated how she tells her clients to start by taking at a stone and examine every speck, colour and crack for a whole minute focusing on nothing else. Then doing so again for another minute with your eyes closed. This is meant to help focus on things other and rid your mind of the thought of sex (or any other thoughts).
“It is helping you to discipline your thoughts about other intrusive thinking. In fact, this type of exercise would also be good to help prepare yourself for exams,” said McLachlin.
There are multiple support groups for people with hypersexuality. Sex Addicts Anonymous works to share each other’s strengths and experiences to help others recover from their sexual dependencies.
If you or someone you may know is a sex addict or has other doubts about your sex life such as: lack of sexual desire, erectile difficulties, body image, arousal difficulties, sexual abuse, orgasm difficulties, sexual discomfort or pain, sexual identity and gender questions, McLachlin’s office is located at 472 Ridout St. N. and is always encouraging students to come to her with concerns. It is important to address your difficulties and achieve results to better your state of mind because chances are you’re not the only one.
