Online dating: The 5 types pf people you meet online
The five types of women you meet on dating sites
Tina Two-Face
-The first picture on her profile really catches your eye and is very attractive
-The other pictures on her profile are completely different
- Looks like after she took the first picture, she was hit by a bus
-If you were the only two people in the room, you wouldn’t know who she was
Paula Photographer
-The most professional picture you’ll ever see – Cindy Crawford is jealous
-Paid a photographer to catch her doing model poses, usually outside with a tree or some shrubs in the background
-Instagram filters all over, you don’t know if this girl’s skin is diseased or just sepia-toned
-More make-up used than a Toddlers and Tiaras pageant
Top-Secret Sarah
-Profile includes sayings such as, “I don’t know what to say here” and “I’m just here to check this thing out”
-They are so interesting with their favorite hobbies, which include eating, hanging with friends, movies, music and breathing air
-She’s like the Men In Black – her identity requires government clearance to information
-You need to message her to find out more… like she’s that interesting
Too-Good-to-be-True Tammy
-Goddess-like, one of the most beautiful women you have ever seen
-Every picture more beautiful than the next and she’s somehow way more attractive in person, making her the exact opposite of Tina Two-Face
-Too perfect – you start to think this must be a fake profile
-Think she must be crazy to be single or has some weird qualities, like hating puppies or Nutella
Picky Patricia
-Knows what she wants and won’t settle
-Has had a few bad experiences on these sites and sets the rules
-Will throw out the lines, “If you’re looking for a quick hookup than don’t message me,” while wearing a stripper outfit and chugging a Smirnoff Ice in her picture
-List of people she won’t date is longer than a Black Friday line at Walmart: No Vegans, No Vegetarians, No Dog lovers, No Cat lovers, No Blue Eyes, No Blinkers, No Cheese Lovers, No John Tesh Lovers
The five types of men you meet on dating sites
Jacked Jack
-The guy with the nice body who wants to show it off
-Only posts photos of his body; his face is mysteriously absent
-Overconfident and sends lots of winks ;)
-Ladies, if he looks too good to be true, he probably is
Absent Albert
-Very vague description that likely includes some self-deprecating humour
-He wants to look, but he doesn’t want to touch
-Stay away from these trollers
Poetic Paul
-A profile that goes on for days
-He introduces himself to you with the message: “I’ll be the most intense lover you ever had”
-Very poetic, bordering on creepy
-Innocent-looking enough until they start sending you text messages, and you didn’t give them your number
Douchey Dave
-Starts his pick-up line with an insult
-Stresses he’s doing you a favour
-Thinks this will work on girls... sadly, it does
-WARNING: Watch out for the v-neck
“Normal” Norman
-Seem pretty average
-A picture posing with his chocolate lab, Bandit
-Enjoys country music, BBQing and dirt biking
-Out in the boonies waiting for your pictures to load on his dial-up Internet
Tina Two-Face
-The first picture on her profile really catches your eye and is very attractive
-The other pictures on her profile are completely different
- Looks like after she took the first picture, she was hit by a bus
-If you were the only two people in the room, you wouldn’t know who she was
Paula Photographer
-The most professional picture you’ll ever see – Cindy Crawford is jealous
-Paid a photographer to catch her doing model poses, usually outside with a tree or some shrubs in the background
-Instagram filters all over, you don’t know if this girl’s skin is diseased or just sepia-toned
-More make-up used than a Toddlers and Tiaras pageant
Top-Secret Sarah
-Profile includes sayings such as, “I don’t know what to say here” and “I’m just here to check this thing out”
-They are so interesting with their favorite hobbies, which include eating, hanging with friends, movies, music and breathing air
-She’s like the Men In Black – her identity requires government clearance to information
-You need to message her to find out more… like she’s that interesting
Too-Good-to-be-True Tammy
-Goddess-like, one of the most beautiful women you have ever seen
-Every picture more beautiful than the next and she’s somehow way more attractive in person, making her the exact opposite of Tina Two-Face
-Too perfect – you start to think this must be a fake profile
-Think she must be crazy to be single or has some weird qualities, like hating puppies or Nutella
Picky Patricia
-Knows what she wants and won’t settle
-Has had a few bad experiences on these sites and sets the rules
-Will throw out the lines, “If you’re looking for a quick hookup than don’t message me,” while wearing a stripper outfit and chugging a Smirnoff Ice in her picture
-List of people she won’t date is longer than a Black Friday line at Walmart: No Vegans, No Vegetarians, No Dog lovers, No Cat lovers, No Blue Eyes, No Blinkers, No Cheese Lovers, No John Tesh Lovers
The five types of men you meet on dating sites
Jacked Jack
-The guy with the nice body who wants to show it off
-Only posts photos of his body; his face is mysteriously absent
-Overconfident and sends lots of winks ;)
-Ladies, if he looks too good to be true, he probably is
Absent Albert
-Very vague description that likely includes some self-deprecating humour
-He wants to look, but he doesn’t want to touch
-Stay away from these trollers
Poetic Paul
-A profile that goes on for days
-He introduces himself to you with the message: “I’ll be the most intense lover you ever had”
-Very poetic, bordering on creepy
-Innocent-looking enough until they start sending you text messages, and you didn’t give them your number
Douchey Dave
-Starts his pick-up line with an insult
-Stresses he’s doing you a favour
-Thinks this will work on girls... sadly, it does
-WARNING: Watch out for the v-neck
“Normal” Norman
-Seem pretty average
-A picture posing with his chocolate lab, Bandit
-Enjoys country music, BBQing and dirt biking
-Out in the boonies waiting for your pictures to load on his dial-up Internet