Online dating: The 5 types pf people you meet online

The five types of women you meet on dating sites

Tina Two-Face

-The first picture on her profile really catches your eye and is very attractive

-The other pictures on her profile are completely different

- Looks like after she took the first picture, she was hit by a bus

-If you were the only two people in the room, you wouldn’t know who she was

Paula Photographer

-The most professional picture you’ll ever see – Cindy Crawford is jealous

-Paid a photographer to catch her doing model poses, usually outside with a tree or some shrubs in the background

-Instagram filters all over, you don’t know if this girl’s skin is diseased or just sepia-toned

-More make-up used than a Toddlers and Tiaras pageant

Top-Secret Sarah

-Profile includes sayings such as,I don’t know what to say here” and “I’m just here to check this thing out”

-They are so interesting with their favorite hobbies, which include eating, hanging with friends, movies, music and breathing air

-She’s like the Men In Black – her identity requires government clearance to information

-You need to message her to find out more… like she’s that interesting

Too-Good-to-be-True Tammy

-Goddess-like, one of the most beautiful women you have ever seen

-Every picture more beautiful than the next and she’s somehow way more attractive in person, making her the exact opposite of Tina Two-Face

-Too perfect – you start to think this must be a fake profile

-Think she must be crazy to be single or has some weird qualities, like hating puppies or Nutella

Picky Patricia

-Knows what she wants and won’t settle

-Has had a few bad experiences on these sites and sets the rules

-Will throw out the lines, “If you’re looking for a quick hookup than don’t message me,” while wearing a stripper outfit and chugging a Smirnoff Ice in her picture

-List of people she won’t date is longer than a Black Friday line at Walmart: No Vegans, No Vegetarians, No Dog lovers, No Cat lovers, No Blue Eyes, No Blinkers, No Cheese Lovers, No John Tesh Lovers

The five types of men you meet on dating sites

Jacked Jack

-The guy with the nice body who wants to show it off

-Only posts photos of his body; his face is mysteriously absent

-Overconfident and sends lots of winks ;)

-Ladies, if he looks too good to be true, he probably is

Absent Albert

-Very vague description that likely includes some self-deprecating humour

-He wants to look, but he doesn’t want to touch

-Stay away from these trollers

Poetic Paul

-A profile that goes on for days

-He introduces himself to you with the message: “I’ll be the most intense lover you ever had”

-Very poetic, bordering on creepy

-Innocent-looking enough until they start sending you text messages, and you didn’t give them your number

Douchey Dave

-Starts his pick-up line with an insult

-Stresses he’s doing you a favour

-Thinks this will work on girls... sadly, it does

-WARNING: Watch out for the v-neck

 “Normal” Norman

-Seem pretty average

-A picture posing with his chocolate lab, Bandit

-Enjoys country music, BBQing and dirt biking

-Out in the boonies waiting for your pictures to load on his dial-up Internet