Chat With Nat - Should I stay or should I go?
Dear Nat,
I recently got out of a five-year relationship with (who I thought was) the girl of my dreams. For whatever reason, things didn't work out as planned and we ended up breaking up and going our separate ways. Since then, I've been lucky enough to find — what I think is — love again. You would think this would be great, but here's the dilemma: I still think about my ex on a regular basis. Since meeting this new girl, my ex has slowly begun to message me and come back into my life and now I'm really torn between the two. What do I do? Stay with the girl that's giving me a new and exciting second shot at love or go back to the girl that I envisioned myself one day marrying?
Torn Between Two
Dear Torn Between Two,
It's funny how time apart from an old flame can really put things back into perspective, isn't it? However, as comforting as it may feel to have your ex come back into your life, you've got to handle your new love interest with care.
Before making any decisions, make a list for yourself (whether it's a tangible one or not) of all the reasons you and your ex didn't work out in the first place. By doing this, you'll be able to reevaluate the situation between you two and possibly realize that things weren't actually as blissful as they now seem.
Now, go back to that list and make a second one of your new love interest. (It's only fair that you give both an equal chance beside the other.) How does each list look? If one seems drastically better than the other, then you've got your answer. If both seem fairly even, then you've still got a dilemma.
If the latter is the case, the best answer is to just give it time. Be patient with yourself and both of them before jumping back into anything serious. It's healthy for anyone, at some point in their life, to experience the “whoah”s and woes of being single. It'll also make you appreciate a great relationship once you decide to get back into one.
All in all, don't put a deadline on yourself to decide between the two if you're unsure about either person at this time. Maybe your new love interest is just a flash in the pan, or maybe your ex is simply looking for companionship and isn't actually looking to start things up again. These are things you don't know yet, but will slowly come to the surface with time. Hasty decisions will often produce hasty results and consequently turn out to be even more challenging sort out later. So give it time, be casually friendly (but not flirty) with both, and see where it all takes you.
If you've got a query for Quinlan, shoot her an email at chatwithnat.fsu@gmail.com. All published questions will be entered into monthly random draws to win a $10 FSU coupon for Oasis and Out Back Shack.
I recently got out of a five-year relationship with (who I thought was) the girl of my dreams. For whatever reason, things didn't work out as planned and we ended up breaking up and going our separate ways. Since then, I've been lucky enough to find — what I think is — love again. You would think this would be great, but here's the dilemma: I still think about my ex on a regular basis. Since meeting this new girl, my ex has slowly begun to message me and come back into my life and now I'm really torn between the two. What do I do? Stay with the girl that's giving me a new and exciting second shot at love or go back to the girl that I envisioned myself one day marrying?
Torn Between Two
Dear Torn Between Two,
It's funny how time apart from an old flame can really put things back into perspective, isn't it? However, as comforting as it may feel to have your ex come back into your life, you've got to handle your new love interest with care.
Before making any decisions, make a list for yourself (whether it's a tangible one or not) of all the reasons you and your ex didn't work out in the first place. By doing this, you'll be able to reevaluate the situation between you two and possibly realize that things weren't actually as blissful as they now seem.
Now, go back to that list and make a second one of your new love interest. (It's only fair that you give both an equal chance beside the other.) How does each list look? If one seems drastically better than the other, then you've got your answer. If both seem fairly even, then you've still got a dilemma.
If the latter is the case, the best answer is to just give it time. Be patient with yourself and both of them before jumping back into anything serious. It's healthy for anyone, at some point in their life, to experience the “whoah”s and woes of being single. It'll also make you appreciate a great relationship once you decide to get back into one.
All in all, don't put a deadline on yourself to decide between the two if you're unsure about either person at this time. Maybe your new love interest is just a flash in the pan, or maybe your ex is simply looking for companionship and isn't actually looking to start things up again. These are things you don't know yet, but will slowly come to the surface with time. Hasty decisions will often produce hasty results and consequently turn out to be even more challenging sort out later. So give it time, be casually friendly (but not flirty) with both, and see where it all takes you.
If you've got a query for Quinlan, shoot her an email at chatwithnat.fsu@gmail.com. All published questions will be entered into monthly random draws to win a $10 FSU coupon for Oasis and Out Back Shack.
