The Long View: The thankfulness project

There's a best-selling book called The Happiness Project, which I confess I haven't read, though the title of this article is a takeoff on it. I'm feeling unhappy and ungrateful, out-of-sorts with various aspects of my life. I did literally get out of the wrong side of bed today; I opened my eyes already grumpy and cross.

I know why I'm discontented and it ain't pretty. I would like more of the nice things in life: more money, a bigger, fully-renovated house, new furniture, a housecleaner. I cast an inconsolable eye over my messy kitchen, the unfinished drywall, the living room with newspapers on the floor, the beat-up furniture and dusty curtains.

It's laughable how demoralized I feel because I'm writing this on Thanksgiving, and in a few hours I will be at a wonderful feast with my extended family (who are great) and my kids (who are wonderful) and have to at least pretend not to be glum.

I drag around the house making the scalloped potatoes, my contribution to the meal, and try to raise my spirits above basement level. We go to the gathering at my sister- in-law's beautiful house in the countryside and, predictably, I do have a good time and feel like a more reasonable human being at the end of the day.

To cap off the night I stay up late and Google the books The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less by Barry Schwartz to get some tips on feeling happier.

Rubin spent a year improving upon areas of her life in monthly chunks. For example, she cleans up her clutter in January, and in February resolves to improve her marriage by not nagging her husband.

Schwarz makes a good case that having an abundance of choice in our lives can paralyze us into becoming regretful "maximizers": people who over-research, overcompare and agonize over making the best possible choices in their lives. Not surprisingly they are unhappier than "satisficers," who allocate their time proportionately to the importance of the decision to be made, and then feel their choices are "good enough."

What both books stress, and it bears repeating, is to be true to yourself; we have the means to find happiness — and much to be grateful for — in our own particular lives and circumstances. True, lasting happiness is cultivating the attitude of being appreciative of what you've got instead of beating yourself up for what you haven't.

As I think about the love and laughter with my family today in the lovely sunshine, I know it's true I haven't been smelling the roses, just resenting the thorns. I feel a little better, the way I always do when I come up with a plan. Tomorrow I'll concentrate on one doable way to make my home feel lovelier and I'll sign out these books from the library for inspiration.

Though I may not be able to quit nagging my husband about the drywall.

Mah is president of the Fanshawe Adult Social Club. Email ascfanshawe@hotmail.com.