CREDIT: BARFOOZ
It's Coming

HAMILTON (CUP) — Dear Cold Season,

I sit in my 8:30 a.m. lecture, still fighting to keep my eyelids open despite the mountain of caffeine pumping into my brain. Nothing punctures the soft hum of my professor's voice as it drifts across - oh wait, what was that I heard? And then again. And again. It pops up around the room in an almost random order; a mundane sound, but one that truly heralds a great change.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, the winter cough is slowly but surely squirming into, and out of, our throats.

But wait - doesn't the sight of leaves falling peacefully and the bright crisp mornings prophesize a time of frolicking through snow, vacations and gifts? Not necessarily. What about the frosted cheeks and toes? The chattering teeth playing percussion to the slip-slop of slush growing in the entrances of buildings... I can almost hear it now.

But what about snow - that's fun, right? The white fluff is a trigger for nostalgia, bringing back many fond childhood memories of sledding, snowmen and the familiar sphere of semi-solid water exploding on my sister's touque. It also brings slippery surfaces when it freezes, so beware, all you drivers - you better have been paying attention during drivers' ed.

But even then, long delays and detours await the bus-rider as everyone collectively tries to navigate the ice-covered highways and streets. No more outdoor football or soccer on rich, rolling rugs of green grass while the sun radiates warmly - good luck trying to run through five feet of snow.

Get ready to strap on your collection of heavy parkas, gloves, scarves, hats and boots. Also, have fun putting all that on and taking all that off after walking five minutes to class.

If you live in a house, make sure your shovel is up and ready to go to battle with the waist-high white blankets that carpet your driveway overnight. While you're slowly transforming to a human popsicle in negative 20°C - actually negative 40°C with wind chill - you can think of the warm, smooth beaches with clear blue waves lapping the shore in Hawaii. Perhaps that'll warm you up.

Whether or not you are a fan of the sun setting at 4 p.m., bitterly cold weather or a labyrinth of snow and ice (arriving soon at a sidewalk near you) there's no doubt that the cold season is approaching.

Trading out Kleenex for toilet paper, dedicating one mitten as "the snot-mitten," wondering if your local pharmacy sells gallonjugs of VapoRub... There is nothing quite so picture-perfect.

We'll make it.

As with our coughs, we'll hack it.

Yours, but only for a little,
The Sickly
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