To wait or not to wait, that is the question
There's no denying that as young adults, sex is something that most of us think about. When guys get together for a Saturday night out on Richmond Row, it's pretty easy to tell when they're looking for "someone" and "something." For girls, maybe it's not so easy. But everybody fantasizes about sex at some point during a hectic school week. Actually, according to a study by Terri Fisher, professor of Psychology at Ohio State University at Mansfield, students between the ages of 18 and 25 on average think about sex about 34 times a week for men, and about 19 times a week for women. (You can read more about this study at tinyurl.com/thinkaboutsex-study2011.)
But there are those who still choose to keep their V-card in their back pocket and wait for the right place and the right time for that special someone.
Dr. Jack Ferrari is a psychologist in London who specializes in couples, family and relationship therapy. He said that usually someone's decision to save him/herself for marriage is because of religious beliefs, but for some, personal reasons are enough. "It's the same with becoming a vegetarian or a vegan," he said. "People will just come to a position personally without an external moral code or scripture that says, 'This is right for me, this seems to be the way I want to do it.'" You remember the saying "too much of a good thing is a bad thing"? Like excessive eating and drinking, Ferrari said that looking to have too much sex at a young age can spoil its novelty, and "just because things are made available, it doesn't mean we should indulge at a whim. We should recognize how to do it responsibly."
Sarah Voorberg, 21, has made the choice to save her virginity until marriage. She is a devout Christian and credits the decision to her religion, but also to personal reasons. "While my religion and upbringing have certainly influenced what I value and believe, I've made the decision to remain abstinent until marriage for myself," she said. "I believe it is the right decision for me and I in no way regret it."
For many young adults today, sexual activity is an easy way to fulfill the urge, but Voorberg cherishes her celibacy. "Sex is about more than just fooling around or having fun with someone physically," she said. "It's about giving something to the other person and becoming connected in a very intimate, personal way. For myself, I would rather hold on to my virginity and give it to someone who I know has committed themselves to me rather than just to someone who will forget about me tomorrow. In short, I would rather realize on my wedding day that I could've had sex sooner than regret losing my virginity." While Voorberg admitted that staying abstinent can be tough at times, she added, "There are many other things you can do to be physically intimate with your partner, so I've never felt that that was lacking in my relationship."
Collette (last name withheld to protect privacy), 20, on the other hand, didn't keep her intentions to remain a virgin before marriage. Her decision to remain abstinent was because of religious reasons, but when she met her boyfriend at the end of high school, her mindset changed. "I think part of the reason I didn't end up following that path is because I didn't choose it for myself," she said. "I wasn't thinking about the reasons why I wanted that, so I came to a point where I was like, 'Do I actually want this or am I just following what I've been told?'"
Collette said she believes that many people who choose to save their virginity until marriage "don't necessarily choose for themselves," but rather follow tradition. She is, however, opposed to the idea of arbitrarily hooking up with someone without any emotional attachment. "You need to be in a relationship where you feel completely confident that it is you and that other person giving to each other equally. I don't think that casual sex is the best thing for people."
But there are those who still choose to keep their V-card in their back pocket and wait for the right place and the right time for that special someone.
Dr. Jack Ferrari is a psychologist in London who specializes in couples, family and relationship therapy. He said that usually someone's decision to save him/herself for marriage is because of religious beliefs, but for some, personal reasons are enough. "It's the same with becoming a vegetarian or a vegan," he said. "People will just come to a position personally without an external moral code or scripture that says, 'This is right for me, this seems to be the way I want to do it.'" You remember the saying "too much of a good thing is a bad thing"? Like excessive eating and drinking, Ferrari said that looking to have too much sex at a young age can spoil its novelty, and "just because things are made available, it doesn't mean we should indulge at a whim. We should recognize how to do it responsibly."
Sarah Voorberg, 21, has made the choice to save her virginity until marriage. She is a devout Christian and credits the decision to her religion, but also to personal reasons. "While my religion and upbringing have certainly influenced what I value and believe, I've made the decision to remain abstinent until marriage for myself," she said. "I believe it is the right decision for me and I in no way regret it."
For many young adults today, sexual activity is an easy way to fulfill the urge, but Voorberg cherishes her celibacy. "Sex is about more than just fooling around or having fun with someone physically," she said. "It's about giving something to the other person and becoming connected in a very intimate, personal way. For myself, I would rather hold on to my virginity and give it to someone who I know has committed themselves to me rather than just to someone who will forget about me tomorrow. In short, I would rather realize on my wedding day that I could've had sex sooner than regret losing my virginity." While Voorberg admitted that staying abstinent can be tough at times, she added, "There are many other things you can do to be physically intimate with your partner, so I've never felt that that was lacking in my relationship."
Collette (last name withheld to protect privacy), 20, on the other hand, didn't keep her intentions to remain a virgin before marriage. Her decision to remain abstinent was because of religious reasons, but when she met her boyfriend at the end of high school, her mindset changed. "I think part of the reason I didn't end up following that path is because I didn't choose it for myself," she said. "I wasn't thinking about the reasons why I wanted that, so I came to a point where I was like, 'Do I actually want this or am I just following what I've been told?'"
Collette said she believes that many people who choose to save their virginity until marriage "don't necessarily choose for themselves," but rather follow tradition. She is, however, opposed to the idea of arbitrarily hooking up with someone without any emotional attachment. "You need to be in a relationship where you feel completely confident that it is you and that other person giving to each other equally. I don't think that casual sex is the best thing for people."
