Love, Lust and Lies: Spinning a web of lies
It's almost Halloween: that time
of year when people can dress up
and pretend to be someone or
something they're not. Although
this is the time of year when we
pick up costumes, wigs and other
adornments, it's not the only time
of year we play pretend;
Halloween is just the one occasion
where it is socially acceptable to
deceive others.
In a relationship, if we ever pretended to be something we weren't — excluding the occasional good cop/bad cop or doctor/nurse — it could jeopardize that relationship. No one wants to be lied to by the person they are dating, but the truth is, people do it all the time. For some, this could begin as early as the first encounter. "Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?" Obviously we know it's a line, but whatever happened to starting a conversation with the truth? Sometimes we feel more comfortable starting a conversation with a line because, unfortunately, we don't always think being ourselves is enough. Three main types of lies we may tell when starting to date someone are:
1. Lie to impress
Guys and girls sometimes don't feel comfortable enough with themselves to be honest with someone they start dating, so they want to impress them. A few ways they might do this is by telling a small lie about what they do for a living or about their age, depending if they think they are too old or too young. One guy I dated told me he was 25 when we first met, then on our first date he confessed and told me he was only 21(the same age as me at the time). He just thought I was older and he knew some girls don't like to date younger guys. It wasn't a lie intended to hurt me, he just liked me and thought I would like him more.
I think, on some level, we all lie to impress the opposite sex. Isn't the push-up bra deceiving the opposite sex into thinking we have bigger boobs than we really do? What about high heels and makeup? When girls wear heels, it appears that their legs are longer and leaner than they really are; makeup is just an illusion for some girls because when you take it off they look like a completely different person. I once heard someone say, "Girls fall in love with what they hear and boys fall in love with what they see. This is why girls wear make-up and boys lie." Although it may be difficult to swallow, this statement rings true in many cases.
2. Lie to show common interests
Sometimes we lie when we first meet someone because we like to show we have common interests. This could be something as easy as a guy asking a girl if she likes sports because he just finished telling her about his favourite hockey team. A girl may say she likes it even if she doesn't actually watch it because she wants to like what the guy person likes.
Girls need to be careful of this because we may be doing it to find a common interest, but we could end up spending three nights a week doing something we don't want to do. Trust me, I once told I guy I really liked playing video games (I do sometimes, for the record) and at least once a week we would play for an entire day. I shortly regretted that.
3. Lie to avoid confrontation
Sometimes guys and girls will lie to avoid confrontation. Have you ever asked your boyfriend if you looked fat in a dress or if he liked the dinner you cooked him? If we ever responded truthfully and we didn't like the answer, we would be a dead man walking, and who would want that? Girls do it, too. I'm sure a lot of us have dated what I like to call "creative guys" who think that they can do something but really aren't that great at it. If he shows you a song he wrote and asked you what you thought, would you honestly tell him you hated it or say that you loved it? You'd probably say you loved it, obviously — why break a man's heart when you don't have to?
We all like to think we are above lying, but we aren't — we have all lied about who we are and what we think. So just remember next time you find out a guy lied to you about being a doctor when he was really a nurse, you probably lied to him when you said you love football as you anxiously waited for third period to end with a goal so you could go home.
In a relationship, if we ever pretended to be something we weren't — excluding the occasional good cop/bad cop or doctor/nurse — it could jeopardize that relationship. No one wants to be lied to by the person they are dating, but the truth is, people do it all the time. For some, this could begin as early as the first encounter. "Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?" Obviously we know it's a line, but whatever happened to starting a conversation with the truth? Sometimes we feel more comfortable starting a conversation with a line because, unfortunately, we don't always think being ourselves is enough. Three main types of lies we may tell when starting to date someone are:
1. Lie to impress
Guys and girls sometimes don't feel comfortable enough with themselves to be honest with someone they start dating, so they want to impress them. A few ways they might do this is by telling a small lie about what they do for a living or about their age, depending if they think they are too old or too young. One guy I dated told me he was 25 when we first met, then on our first date he confessed and told me he was only 21(the same age as me at the time). He just thought I was older and he knew some girls don't like to date younger guys. It wasn't a lie intended to hurt me, he just liked me and thought I would like him more.
I think, on some level, we all lie to impress the opposite sex. Isn't the push-up bra deceiving the opposite sex into thinking we have bigger boobs than we really do? What about high heels and makeup? When girls wear heels, it appears that their legs are longer and leaner than they really are; makeup is just an illusion for some girls because when you take it off they look like a completely different person. I once heard someone say, "Girls fall in love with what they hear and boys fall in love with what they see. This is why girls wear make-up and boys lie." Although it may be difficult to swallow, this statement rings true in many cases.
2. Lie to show common interests
Sometimes we lie when we first meet someone because we like to show we have common interests. This could be something as easy as a guy asking a girl if she likes sports because he just finished telling her about his favourite hockey team. A girl may say she likes it even if she doesn't actually watch it because she wants to like what the guy person likes.
Girls need to be careful of this because we may be doing it to find a common interest, but we could end up spending three nights a week doing something we don't want to do. Trust me, I once told I guy I really liked playing video games (I do sometimes, for the record) and at least once a week we would play for an entire day. I shortly regretted that.
3. Lie to avoid confrontation
Sometimes guys and girls will lie to avoid confrontation. Have you ever asked your boyfriend if you looked fat in a dress or if he liked the dinner you cooked him? If we ever responded truthfully and we didn't like the answer, we would be a dead man walking, and who would want that? Girls do it, too. I'm sure a lot of us have dated what I like to call "creative guys" who think that they can do something but really aren't that great at it. If he shows you a song he wrote and asked you what you thought, would you honestly tell him you hated it or say that you loved it? You'd probably say you loved it, obviously — why break a man's heart when you don't have to?
We all like to think we are above lying, but we aren't — we have all lied about who we are and what we think. So just remember next time you find out a guy lied to you about being a doctor when he was really a nurse, you probably lied to him when you said you love football as you anxiously waited for third period to end with a goal so you could go home.
