Dear Lola,
I recently got a summer job making minimum wage at a coffee shop. It's kind of lame, but I have to support myself. My best friend got a job at her uncle's company making $20 an hour “under the table.” Not only will she be making double what I do this summer, she's also going to get more OSAP in the fall since it will look like she made nothing all summer! Aside from being jealous, I'm also disgusted by her behaviour and I'm considering reporting her to OSAP or the government or something. Am I being petty?
Signed,
Penny Pincher

Dear Pincher,
Let me start by saying that I am equally disappointed, disgusted, shocked, appalled, sickened, horrified and aghast by your friend's behaviour. That said, it doesn't surprise me to hear that someone is riding the Nepotism Express through their summer holidays. Sure, we can judge your girlfriend for not slumming it with you at the java joint; steaming milk and sweating for tips. But in truth, I think we both know that you would have taken the same job for the same pay if it had come your way. We're in a recession, for goodness sake! Or are we coming out of a recession now? It's so hard to keep it straight. Either way, everyone is broke and fighting for the same 10 jobs that are available this summer.

You should be happy for your friend, but I get that it's hard to slap a smile on your face when you're broke and cranky and you smell like latte (mmm, latte!) Perhaps it's time for you to dig a little deeper into the family tree and discover your own rich uncle willing to share his coattails for a few months.

I understand why you're upset, but there's no sense getting all IRS on your bestie. That, my dear, is petty. You can take solace in knowing that she will indeed receive a whopping chunk of cash from OSAP this fall in the form of a whopping loan that she'll be paying back for the next 15 years.

Good luck my friend!
Love Lola


Dear Lola,
My boyfriend recently told me about an ex-girlfriend of his who used to wax in the summer. Like, everything down there. He asked me if I was going to do that this summer because he really likes it. I'm totally not comfortable putting myself through that, but I don't want to disappoint him. What should I do?
Signed,
Big Hairy Mess

Dear Mess,
Wow. I have to tell you there's nothing more tantalizing than a man lying in bed next to you discussing his ex-girlfriend's VAG! Dear lord! It is highly inappropriate for him to be discussing the details of this poor girl's personal grooming with you. It's just plain crazy to think that he's actually making you consider “doppelganging” her drawers in order to entice your mate. Ew! Ew! Ew!

A woman's choice to go “bald-eagle” is so personal and so painful, it's a discussion better left between you and your esthetician. Personally, I've never quite understood the allure of excavating my girlie parts in order to resemble a 12-year-old. There's something slightly sick and strange about the idea.

Let's try to see this from his point of view; when I, a lady, is heading to the nether regions, we certainly appreciate a well man-scaped, clean, soft place to land don't we? I'm sure your man would equally welcome a bare, pink welcome mat. Personally, I think a neatly trimmed inverted triangle is adequate and womanly, but this certainly isn't about what I think; this is about you! There's nothing wrong with a little remodeling to keep the fires burning, but tearing down the hedges to compete with the ghost of pubic past is just nuts.

Bottom line, if you're not comfortable yanking the roots, just let your lover know you're more than willing to go ahead with it if he joins you! That will probably be the last you'll hear of it.

Good Luck!
Love Lola

Dear Lola,
My parents are going away for the whole month of July to our cottage up north and I'll be alone for the first time. Usually I go with them, but this year I have a job so I'll be home alone! I'm super excited about making dinner, staying up late and having some girlfriends over for fun. The problem is, my boyfriend seems to think he's staying here all month. I'm not comfortable with it, but I don't want to hurt his feelings. Help!
Signed,
All By Myself

Dear All By Myself,
Men can be funny creatures. They see pizza on the counter, they grab a piece, beer in the fridge, they crack one open, they see a game on TV, and they fall on the couch. For the most part, men are predictable, simple creatures as they often act on primal instincts rather than overanalyzing and planning. In your case, I think your boyfriend saw “empty house” and figured he'd hang out. Unless he's already starting hooking up his Xbox and making room on your nightstand for his alarm clock, I think you've still got time to take the reigns and make this work before you find yourself locked into a common-law union.

I'm sure you're open to spending a few nights “playing house” with your honey when your folks are away, right? But obviously you're also looking forward to some “girls only” nights and relaxing on your own. There's a way to do it all, sweetie! What you need to do is get a jump on things now by creating a calendar/schedule of your plans for July (remember the analyzing and planning thing guys are missing? We've got that in spades my friend!) Show your boyfriend all the special nights you've set aside for the two of you to make dinner and have a sleepover. Let him know you understand he'll want to hang out with his buddies on the other nights. Wait, you can be organized, have girls' nights and look like a totally nonjealous Super Girlfriend? That's right; you can do it! Just be sure that you have permission from the folks ahead of time or this whole thing will quickly dissolve into some terrible 80's movie.

Good luck!
Love Lola


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