Due to a database error Pauly Shore, star of big screen blockbusters such as Encino Man and Jury Duty, has been named FSU President for the 2006/2007 school year.

In early October, a poll asking students who they would pay $10 to see perform at Fanshawe - Pauly (a.k.a. Pauley) Shore or Jamie Kennedy - was placed on the FSU website. At the same time, testing was going on for a possible online portion of the next FSU executive election.

“I got some variables got mixed up,” explained the FSU's Web Facilitator,” so the votes to elect Pauly to perform in Forwell Hall mistakenly went into the database holding results for the FSU election. Hey, mistakes happen.”

Shore came out on top with 239, or 44.18 per cent of the votes. Jamie Kennedy came in second with 179 votes, with ‘none of the above' placing third with 123 votes. Last year's presidential nominee and current Oasis employee James Montgomery placed a distant fourth with 16 write-in votes. Suspicions were aroused however, as all 16 ballots had the same return address and handwriting.

While at first glance Mr. Shore seems to be totally unqualified for the position, he is no stranger to responsibility. He virtually carried the weight of the entertainment world on his shoulders as Hollywood's top box office draw from the period of September 21, 1993 to September 27, 2003.

Making the best of the situation, the FSU is currently negotiating to bring Shore, or the “The Weasel” as he is sometimes known to Fanshawe students, to the college, where he can address his constituents. Students are expected to ask Shore pressing questions, such as his thoughts on tuition increases, what fundraising ideas he has, and whether he got to bone Tiffani-Amber Thiessen during the filming of Son in Law.

While Shore supporters are obviously ecstatic, backers of Jamie Kennedy and Montgomery are already looking for skeletons in Pauly's closet. Thus far, the most damning accusation is that he knowingly and willingly starred in the 1996 film Bio-dome. When asked to address his detractors, Shore simply responded by saying, “Chillll buhhhh-dddd-ies!” followed by some odd arm gestures.

This is not the first time a celebrity has mistakenly been elected to an FSU executive position. Back in 1999, ex-WWE superstar Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake was named VP Athletics. Beefcake was asked to resign from his position after only three weeks due to irreconcilable philosophical differences with other members of the FSU, and also because he was caught stealing mustard from the Out Back Shack.