Love Lola: Puppy love in the sheets with big boobs

Dear Lola,
My boyfriend and I recently broke up. We were together for almost two years and we were living together. Separating our belongings and finding new apartments was a pain, but we worked it out. The only problem now is our dog. Last summer we bought a puppy together and now we can't agree on who gets to keep our sweet little pug. I just assumed that I would take her, but he's really fighting for her and he thinks that we need to come up with a visitation arrangement where we ‘share' the dog! This feels ridiculous, what do you think?
Dog Gone Lover

Dear Dog,
They call it Puppy Love for a reason sweetie. That sickeningly sweet stage in a relationship where everything is gooey and soft and you think you'll just die if you have to spend 24 hours without holding your beloved. In this case of course, the love is for an actual puppy that neither you nor your ex is willing to part with.

If this puppy were a person, custody of the children would normally go to the mother. It may seem sexist, but generally, courts will side with the female. Of course, your squashed-faced little pug is not exactly a pre-schooler so this a tad more complicated.

I'll start with this: who is the dog licensed too? Perhaps, you licensed her together, but in the case that she legally belongs to only one of you, unfortunately that person wins. Hopefully, that part was obvious, but still worth noting.

The concept of visitation seems a bit bizarre; even in the best scenarios with amicable break ups when children are swapped between parents, it's very complicated and often requires a court document to detail each party's legal and financial responsibilities. Are you really willing to do all that to not part with your pooch?

Maybe I'm just not warm and fuzzy enough for this much conflict, but I like to cut an ex loose once we've called it quits. I don't need him showing up on my doorstep with a pooper-scooper and a bag of kibble every other weekend. I say, put your names in a hat and leave it up to chance.
Good Luck!

Dear Lola,
I'm generally pretty confident about the way that I look; I know that I have a pretty face and a slim body. People tell me that I'm attractive, but I just don't feel sexy. I'm self-conscious about the size of my breasts. I am barely an A-cup and I'm considering getting a boob job. I took out a loan for school, but it's more than I need for books and tuition. I want to make this change so I can feel better about myself. What do you think?
Small Wonder

Dear Wonder,
You know, there was a time when overweight ladies were viewed as the sexiest most beautiful women. Large hips, heaving bosoms and rounded bellies were the hottest things around. As with leg warmers and stir-up pants, our perception of the ‘ideal beauty' changes over time going in and out of fashion year after year.

Only about 10 yeas ago, slim girls with flat chests and “boy” figures ruled the runways. Just five years ago everyone was trying to get their hands on a Latino J. Lo bottom. The media's portrayal of the perfect figure changes and shifts every year so that we are constantly re-evaluating ourselves against an ever-changing model of perfection.

Everyone wants to change something about his/her appearance. For most people though, that one thing changes over time. Maybe it was your nose, but now it's your butt. Maybe you used to hate your hair, but now you're focused on your legs. The fact is, most people are never completely satisfied with their exterior. That's why we workout, we buy makeup and we wear Spanx; it's a part of the performance and presentation that we're all a part of.

The comforting part though, is that for the most part we're all doing it. We're all looking at ourselves in the window reflection and double-checking our face in the rearview mirror. We're all doing our best to look our best and there's nothing really wrong with that.

When you talk about allowing a surgeon to cut into your body and insert artificial breasts and alter the shape of your figure for the rest of your life you're making a commitment that is way beyond trying short bangs or getting a tattoo. Cosmetic surgery is complicated, expensive and potentially dangerous. Though it's a personal decision, I caution you against choosing this as a route to instant happiness or self-confidence. Your breasts will not change how you feel about yourself. In a superficial context, larger breasts will make certain people appreciate your body more than they do now, but that's the limitation of the power they'll possess.

Please weigh your options carefully and for Pete's sake please do not use your student loans for this. Save the money the old fashion way and you'll know you really want to take this step.
Good Luck!

Dear Lola,
My boyfriend's mom bought us a hideous bedroom set for Christmas that includes a comforter, sheets, pillows and even curtains! I can't imagine parting with my cozy duvet in exchange for this new bed-in-a-bag, but my boyfriend insists that it would be rude not to use it! It seriously changes our entire room to use this stuff; there's a valance and a bed skirt too! I told him I thought it was an ‘inappropriate' gift, since it re-decorates our whole room and he hit the roof! Should I just go along with this to keep the peace or am I starting a nasty pattern that could haunt me for 20 years? Help!
Bedroom Blues

Dear Blues,
Christmas is a time of heart-felt traditions; stockings by the fire, gingerbread houses by the tree and lying to your in-laws to keep your husband happy. Fa-la-la-la-la...

For the record, I agree that the gift in itself is a tad “inappropriate” in the sense that the bedroom is a very personal space and the choice of bedding should be left up the you and your boyfriend.

That said, this sweet woman is probably used to buying gifts like this for her son over the years without incident since men rarely care whether they're sleeping on 500 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets or an old sleeping bag. Your preference for quality, style and comfort might be new to her.

Subtly might be the best course of action here. I appreciate that you're looking ahead to the ghost of Christmas future and hesitating to begin a lifelong tradition of hiding Grandma's gift under the stairs and bringing them out when she visits.

If you have a spare bedroom, I suggest you set up the bedding in there and make up an excuse about a polyester allergy to cover your bum. Otherwise, I think you need to tackle this head-on and lie through your teeth. Make your boyfriend responsible for telling his mom that you love the set, but since you already have a duvet you're tucking the new stuff away until you get your first house together. This should at least buy you some time and hopefully you can distract her down the road with a couple of grandkids.
Good Luck!

Love Lola

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