Marker and paint ban leads to week of local art riots

The city of London has been converted into a giant canvas for young graffiti artists, despite a hard-fought war on the streets.

Conflict between the city's youth and local police erupted last week after City Council passed a bill banning the sale of permanent markers and spray-paint to those under the age of 18. Angered by the restrictions, London teens took to the streets with markers, crayons, and oil- and lead-based paints. Some even used Exacto knives to etch their message into softer surfaces such as benches and trees in several parks.

The branding continued for eight nights; police were forced to stay one step behind the vandals until last Wednesday, when they ran out of liquid soap and cleaning rags. With no defense against the children, the graffiti spread, irremovable, throughout the city.

“It is a real shock to everyone in law enforcement and city government,” said Sgt. Bill Reiser, a London police officer, “to think that our young citizens could harbour so much malicious intent.”

Many parents and business owners in London echoed the officer's opinion. Until now, there had been only minor incidents of graffiti and were usually taken care of with the city's supply of Lysol, and although unsightly, it was not a large-scale problem until the marker ban.

While in police custody, one of the 29 arrested youths who cannot be identified under the Young Offenders Act, said that the increase in graffiti was directly related to the ban.

“We would have been cool with just tagging buildings in alleyways downtown out of boredom, but when Council announced that we can't buy spray-paint until we're 18 we had something to fight.”

Cathy Marshall, a mother of three, voted in a few online and radio polls, and was steadfast in her belief that the ban would really put a stop to the blemishes appearing on city streets. She, like most of the council members that approved the ban, didn't expect the kids to retaliate in such an aggressive manner.

But the graffiti kids don't agree that their actions have been aggressive and malicious. To the contrary, a staggering 98 per cent of the graffiti artists in the London area are well-educated, political activists who are trying to get a message across.

While the ethical and moral argument continues, one ramification of the graffiti riot is clear; Crayola has announced a citywide stop-sale on all Crayola products including the 120-crayon MegaBox.

They have also refused to ship their newest products, “Girlfitti”, which is a line of sparkle-infused crayons, paper and markers. The decision was a result of not only the irresponsibility with the current products, but also because the name “Girlfitti” was meant to sound like graffiti, and Crayola doesn't want to be associated with the city's artistic expression epidemic.

The loss of Crayola products is expected to hurt arts & crafts sales throughout the city, especially during the Christmas season.

Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious.