Upcoming remakes to avoid



After a summer movie season that saw countless sequels dominate the box office, it was only a matter of time before studios went overboard. Mind you, when Christopher Nolan first came out with his intentions of rebooting the Batman franchise with 2005's Batman Begins, nobody could have anticipated the well-deserved success they've achieved. It is important to remember, however, that for every Dark Knight that comes to light there are several ugly stepsisters on the way; or in the case of The Mummy's dwindling stock, several cycloptic and morbidly obese stepsisters.

When thought out, it makes perfect sense why studios would push for sequels or remakes of familiar characters — money. When a man in a costume fights crime and sells millions of tickets worldwide, studios take notice. When an old archaeologist with a knack for getting in and out of sticky situations has a close encounter, studios take notice. It is a business after all, and if your script doesn't sell seats then in their eyes you're in the wrong line of work.

But what kind of message is Hollywood sending to up-and-coming writers and directors? Are we moving towards the end of artistic credibility in the film medium? We now find ourselves at a crossroad, and it is up to us to influence the quality of the movies that studios choose to green light for production by supporting (downloading doesn't count) the creativity that has helped movies remain relevant today.

Don't believe me? Take a look at these ten remakes scheduled to begin production in the near future and try to convince me why we need them.

Battle Royale (2008)
You need to see the original before Hollywood bastardizes another Japanese classic a-la The Ring series.

The Birds (2009)
Dear Hollywood: Do not touch Alfred Hitchcock. Look how many fans Gus Van Sant had after his shot-for-shot Psycho remake.

Escape From New York (2009)
In the role that defined Kurt Russell's “Bad-assery”, it's ridiculous to think of anyone topping John Carpenter's work of art in any facet.

The Evil Dead (2009)
Without Bruce Campbell playing the cult-ified Ash, it would appear that Sam Raimi's demise is now complete. I'll stick to my worn-down Army of Darkness VHS thank you very much. Hail to the King, baby.

Seven Samurai (2009)
How could anyone think of touching Akira Kursowa's legendary masterpiece? What's next, having Shia LaBeouf recast as Michael Corleone in a Godfather remake?

The Thing (2009)
Poor Kurt Russell. Maybe he owes someone money? John Carpenter's classic had some of the coolest special effects in movie history, not too mention a great cast that magnified the atmosphere.

Adventures In Babysitting (2010)
Do yourself a favour and catch Elisabeth Shue in her heavenly 80's glory with the original flick. Also, haven't video games and TV replaced babysitters these days? Not sure if a 45” Plasma is as much of a turn-on for today's adolescents…well, on second thought…

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (2010)
Bill S. Preston, Esquire & Ted Theodore Logan have been RE-CAST in this waste-of-film remake. This is almost as absurd as having a Dumb and Dumber sequel without Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels.

The Warriors (2010)
It's impossible for a film like this to exist in any other era - you dig? Nobody wants this la-loser to come out and play.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show (2010)
The always fresh and never-dated people at MTV are in control of this influential glam-fest. Expect quick cuts, lame beats, and every known douche bag on earth to be cast!