Ms. Guidance: Boyfriend a secret Internet homosexual?
Dear Ms. Guidance,
I have recently discovered that my boyfriend of three years has posted his picture and a profile on a free and public dating website. Under relationship status he checked single, in sexual orientation he listed bi-curious and in who he was looking for he checked gay men. When I confronted him with my findings and asked what the deal with this was he said that he did it because he was curious and researching to see if other guys would find him attractive. I am devastated. Is this a normal? I love him and I don't want our relationship to end, but how am I supposed to take this?
~Curiously Confused
To quote Lewis Carol, the circumstances surrounding your question appear to get “curiouser and curiouser(!).” My first advice is to approach the whole matter with the utmost of caution as it would seem to me that your boyfriend is, in fact, dealing with feelings of homosexuality. Experiencing homosexual feelings is a very different for everyone due to different upbringings and differing community attitudes. Your boyfriend's actions seem to imply a struggle with his own sexual identity, as he is acting secretively and coming up with horribly transparent lies when questioned about it. If your boyfriend is curious about his own sexuality he should not be discouraged, though his current method of dealing with his curiosity is abhorrent. It was quite unwise of him to publish things that could destroy your relationship. The most troubling aspect to me was stating his relationship status as single. Whether he is gay or not, it is just plain mean to pretend that your girlfriend of three years doesn't exist. I think this requires more concentration than you seem to have given it. It is in no way abnormal to be curious about your own sexuality; however, claiming to be unattached when this is obviously not the case is not conducive of a healthy and satisfied relationship. Trailing you along as a cover for his homosexuality or fallback plan in case he isn't gay, while he is sleeping with other people, even those of the same gender, is disgraceful. Despite opinions to the contrary as of late, infidelity with a same-sex partner is still infidelity and unless the grounds for the relationship are understood to be otherwise, it is dishonest and disgraceful. It must be made clear to him, by you, that what he has done has hurt you and you want real answers as to why he was soliciting himself on the internet. If you love your boyfriend, you need to stand beside him as a supportive and understanding friend if he is facing some sort of sexual orientation dilemma, but this does not mean you should stay with him on a sexually intimate level, as this will only stand to hurt the both of you.
Dear Ms.Guidance,
I am homesick and lonely and I want a pet. Some people have suggested a chinchilla, or gerbil or fish. I am thinking more along the lines of a cat, but everyone keeps telling me that they are too much responsibility. What kind of pet do you think is appropriate for a student?
~Feline Fancier
Definitely not a chinchilla. They are soulless, vile, monstrous beasts that should be left alone to live with their equally monstrous chinchilla peers in the desert caves of South America. They have evil eyes, bitter temperaments, they will chew your entire life to shreds and they hate people. I admit, they are soft and deserve love because they are animals and all animals deserve love, however, chinchillas make terrible pets and like all exotic animals, they should not be imported to other countries to live unhappily in cages. Do not be disillusioned by a chinchilla's adorable-factor. Sure, it is fun to watch them dust bathe, but then all of your furniture gets covered in a thin layer of synthetic volcanic ash. I am the first to say that chinchillas are the softest, cutest creatures alive, but eventually seemingly cute habits will start to shake the very foundations of your soul. You will soon be continually stepping on the raisins your chinchilla didn't deem fit to eat. Chinchillas, as most rodents, are dumb and expensive; eventually you will feel sorry for them being in their cage all day and buy them $40 exercise balls which they cannot use because they are idiotic and unappreciative. Also, there food and other care products are just as expensive as that of a cat.
Prey animals do not make good pets.
Get a cat and name him Cha-Chi.
Without more questions from you Ms.Guidance will have to start publishing unsolicited advice! Need to be Ms. Guided? Email any and all questions to ms.guidance@gmail.com.
I have recently discovered that my boyfriend of three years has posted his picture and a profile on a free and public dating website. Under relationship status he checked single, in sexual orientation he listed bi-curious and in who he was looking for he checked gay men. When I confronted him with my findings and asked what the deal with this was he said that he did it because he was curious and researching to see if other guys would find him attractive. I am devastated. Is this a normal? I love him and I don't want our relationship to end, but how am I supposed to take this?
~Curiously Confused
To quote Lewis Carol, the circumstances surrounding your question appear to get “curiouser and curiouser(!).” My first advice is to approach the whole matter with the utmost of caution as it would seem to me that your boyfriend is, in fact, dealing with feelings of homosexuality. Experiencing homosexual feelings is a very different for everyone due to different upbringings and differing community attitudes. Your boyfriend's actions seem to imply a struggle with his own sexual identity, as he is acting secretively and coming up with horribly transparent lies when questioned about it. If your boyfriend is curious about his own sexuality he should not be discouraged, though his current method of dealing with his curiosity is abhorrent. It was quite unwise of him to publish things that could destroy your relationship. The most troubling aspect to me was stating his relationship status as single. Whether he is gay or not, it is just plain mean to pretend that your girlfriend of three years doesn't exist. I think this requires more concentration than you seem to have given it. It is in no way abnormal to be curious about your own sexuality; however, claiming to be unattached when this is obviously not the case is not conducive of a healthy and satisfied relationship. Trailing you along as a cover for his homosexuality or fallback plan in case he isn't gay, while he is sleeping with other people, even those of the same gender, is disgraceful. Despite opinions to the contrary as of late, infidelity with a same-sex partner is still infidelity and unless the grounds for the relationship are understood to be otherwise, it is dishonest and disgraceful. It must be made clear to him, by you, that what he has done has hurt you and you want real answers as to why he was soliciting himself on the internet. If you love your boyfriend, you need to stand beside him as a supportive and understanding friend if he is facing some sort of sexual orientation dilemma, but this does not mean you should stay with him on a sexually intimate level, as this will only stand to hurt the both of you.
Dear Ms.Guidance,
I am homesick and lonely and I want a pet. Some people have suggested a chinchilla, or gerbil or fish. I am thinking more along the lines of a cat, but everyone keeps telling me that they are too much responsibility. What kind of pet do you think is appropriate for a student?
~Feline Fancier
Definitely not a chinchilla. They are soulless, vile, monstrous beasts that should be left alone to live with their equally monstrous chinchilla peers in the desert caves of South America. They have evil eyes, bitter temperaments, they will chew your entire life to shreds and they hate people. I admit, they are soft and deserve love because they are animals and all animals deserve love, however, chinchillas make terrible pets and like all exotic animals, they should not be imported to other countries to live unhappily in cages. Do not be disillusioned by a chinchilla's adorable-factor. Sure, it is fun to watch them dust bathe, but then all of your furniture gets covered in a thin layer of synthetic volcanic ash. I am the first to say that chinchillas are the softest, cutest creatures alive, but eventually seemingly cute habits will start to shake the very foundations of your soul. You will soon be continually stepping on the raisins your chinchilla didn't deem fit to eat. Chinchillas, as most rodents, are dumb and expensive; eventually you will feel sorry for them being in their cage all day and buy them $40 exercise balls which they cannot use because they are idiotic and unappreciative. Also, there food and other care products are just as expensive as that of a cat.
Prey animals do not make good pets.
Get a cat and name him Cha-Chi.
Without more questions from you Ms.Guidance will have to start publishing unsolicited advice! Need to be Ms. Guided? Email any and all questions to ms.guidance@gmail.com.
