Haywood Jablowme, a tech working in the IT department at Fanshawe College told a user that to help correct a computer problem, he'd have to see her cookies.

“She brought me homemade cookies the next day,” said Jablowme. “I was initially a bit confused but then just had to laugh.”

That kind of misunderstanding isn't unusual for college IT professionals dealing with users who aren't necessarily the most tech-savvy. Discussions with more than a dozen Fanshawe IT people turned up stories that ranged from the naive to the bizarre.

“You have to have a good sense of humour to work at this,” said Ida Swallows. “My favourite request is from people wanting me to ‘restart the Internet [because] it seems frozen'. “I'm going to quit the day I stop laughing at some of the things people think we should and can do.”

Lance Spears, revealed he got a call at his home one Friday night from one of the college's senior administrators who was frantic because she couldn't reach her online banking sites from her office while she was putting in a late night.

“She apologized for inconveniencing me, but told me she had already called 4242 (the college's internal emergency phone number) and was told to call me. She goes on to tell me she is sure that the Internet is ‘under attack' as she's going all apocalyptic and ranting about a post 9-11 world,” said Spears.

Spears says he logged on to check things out himself and found the Internet to be responding as normal.

“I was able to e-mail her because she told me Outlook wasn't affected and reported this. Then I asked if she had changed any of her software programs lately. She reported that she had installed a new version of her browser, upgraded her iTunes and LimeWire,” said Spears. “I asked her to see if she had enabled cookies and sent her a short and simple explanation of how to do that. Her reply, and coincidentally, the last time I ever heard from her, was ‘Oh ... thanks. Never mind about the attack.'”

While troubles with the Internet and e-mail account for a large number of requests to IT staff, the systems remain a mystery to many users.

John Valdez said he once got a request from a user looking for another coffee holder for his computer because he was doubling up on his daily treks to the campus Timmy's to increase his chances of winning a prize in the Roll Up The Rim contest.

Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.