Funny t-shirt campaign targets sexually active youth
Local health officials have unleashed a brash new poster campaign in the hopes of reducing teen and early adult pregnancies.
“We think that this campaign will grab people's attention and sends out a very compelling message,” said London-Middlesex United Health Systems director Garret Pollen. “I believe a campaign such as this has been long overdue and we think the public is ready to embrace it.
The LMUHS campaign titled: All Daddy Wanted Was A Blowjob features an infant sporting the poignant message on a t-shirt while conveying a subtle suggestion about young males.
“According to studies men more so than women in the 15-24 age bracket tend to pursue sexual gratification with a real zest, though women have become increasingly aggressive in the area of sexual gratification in the past 10 years,” said Pollen. “But strikingly, our data regarding males suggests that they don't care how they climax, only that they do climax and ejaculate. Surveys reveal they don't care if they ejaculate via intercourse or orally, though manual masturbation wasn't a hit due to chaffing and friction.”
The consequences of intercourse can last a life time.
“It's really, really hard having to deal with a baby. I've got to get up with him during the night, then get up early for school,” said Fonda Matriarch, a 20 year-old mother with a five month old baby. “In the evening, I've got to do my homework, feed him, give him a bath, get him to sleep and get myself ready for the next day.
“All I had to do to acquire this swank lifestyle was engage in intercourse that barely lasted a minute and a half. I thought intercourse would mean so much more to him. If only I had known that giving him a blowjob would've turned the trick I would've been down on my knees instead of having them pinned down by my ears. I only hope that this LMUHS campaign gets the awareness out so no one else makes the same mistake I made.”
For Willy Syncope life since his tryst with the mother of his child has been an awakening.
“Changing diapers, and feeding her, and taking baths, and playing with her. It's not like you can just say, ‘Ok, I'm tired of being a father,' and just give up. That child's still here. You can say it's not going to happen to you and keep on doing what you're doing, but the reality is this could be you. I wish I had told her to just give me a blowjob. Instead I took whatever she was willing to give. Men have to speak out about what they really want.”
Pollen hopes to have the LMUHS campaign in all area high schools by year end. He also hopes to be invited on to the local college and university campuses at the start of next year to talk to incoming students about making better decisions when it comes to safe sex and how the LMUHS campaign can work for them.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious.
“We think that this campaign will grab people's attention and sends out a very compelling message,” said London-Middlesex United Health Systems director Garret Pollen. “I believe a campaign such as this has been long overdue and we think the public is ready to embrace it.
The LMUHS campaign titled: All Daddy Wanted Was A Blowjob features an infant sporting the poignant message on a t-shirt while conveying a subtle suggestion about young males.
“According to studies men more so than women in the 15-24 age bracket tend to pursue sexual gratification with a real zest, though women have become increasingly aggressive in the area of sexual gratification in the past 10 years,” said Pollen. “But strikingly, our data regarding males suggests that they don't care how they climax, only that they do climax and ejaculate. Surveys reveal they don't care if they ejaculate via intercourse or orally, though manual masturbation wasn't a hit due to chaffing and friction.”
The consequences of intercourse can last a life time.
“It's really, really hard having to deal with a baby. I've got to get up with him during the night, then get up early for school,” said Fonda Matriarch, a 20 year-old mother with a five month old baby. “In the evening, I've got to do my homework, feed him, give him a bath, get him to sleep and get myself ready for the next day.
“All I had to do to acquire this swank lifestyle was engage in intercourse that barely lasted a minute and a half. I thought intercourse would mean so much more to him. If only I had known that giving him a blowjob would've turned the trick I would've been down on my knees instead of having them pinned down by my ears. I only hope that this LMUHS campaign gets the awareness out so no one else makes the same mistake I made.”
For Willy Syncope life since his tryst with the mother of his child has been an awakening.
“Changing diapers, and feeding her, and taking baths, and playing with her. It's not like you can just say, ‘Ok, I'm tired of being a father,' and just give up. That child's still here. You can say it's not going to happen to you and keep on doing what you're doing, but the reality is this could be you. I wish I had told her to just give me a blowjob. Instead I took whatever she was willing to give. Men have to speak out about what they really want.”
Pollen hopes to have the LMUHS campaign in all area high schools by year end. He also hopes to be invited on to the local college and university campuses at the start of next year to talk to incoming students about making better decisions when it comes to safe sex and how the LMUHS campaign can work for them.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious.
