Vagrant receives famous souls from Devil in donation hat
The Devil has returned to Earth and apparently has deep pockets, according to a locally known homeless man.
Late Thursday night the vagrant known throughout the city as Feather Hat Guy placed a frantic phone call to police, raving that while he was pan-handling on the corner of Dundas and Richmond Streets in downtown London, the Devil walked up to him and placed $10 and a small slip of paper in his upturned hat.
Before walking away, the Devil allegedly whispered to Feather Hat, “This has always brought me luck.”
Feather Hat claimed he was too afraid to follow the Devil; all he could do was stand staring disbelief. Approximately five minutes after the Devil left the vagrant, he examined the small piece of paper. On it was a list of names under the title, “Souls that Belong to Me.”
“I'm not too sure what this means, but I think I should find these people and figure out if I own their souls or not,” Feather Hat told reporters early this morning outside the Dundas Street police station.
The Devil has not been seen since the incident; leading investigators to believe that he either returned to the fiery pits of Hell, or was never seen in the first place. Feather Hat has made several false reports in the past, so his story is not entirely credible.
But if the homeless man is telling the truth, he may have been given a valuable piece of paper - the names on the list are mostly prominent individuals, and would likely pay top dollar to get their souls back.
A few of the names include homemaking tycoon and business giant Martha Stewart, NHL newcomer and phenom Sidney Crosby, international superstar Hilary Duff and US President George W. Bush.
“I know I could get alot of money for these here souls,” Feather Hat said, “but I just don't think I can sell something that was given to me as a gift.
“After all, the Devil was nice enough to give them to me on top of the already generous $10, so I really think that if he comes around again I should still have the souls.”
London police have not confiscated the list of souls as evidence yet, but will be forming a Special Task team to investigate the claim.
In North America it is a class one felony to buy, sell or trade souls. If the task force finds evidence that the souls of the famous individuals were indeed traded for some sort of talent or skill, all participants could face serious jail time.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious.
Late Thursday night the vagrant known throughout the city as Feather Hat Guy placed a frantic phone call to police, raving that while he was pan-handling on the corner of Dundas and Richmond Streets in downtown London, the Devil walked up to him and placed $10 and a small slip of paper in his upturned hat.
Before walking away, the Devil allegedly whispered to Feather Hat, “This has always brought me luck.”
Feather Hat claimed he was too afraid to follow the Devil; all he could do was stand staring disbelief. Approximately five minutes after the Devil left the vagrant, he examined the small piece of paper. On it was a list of names under the title, “Souls that Belong to Me.”
“I'm not too sure what this means, but I think I should find these people and figure out if I own their souls or not,” Feather Hat told reporters early this morning outside the Dundas Street police station.
The Devil has not been seen since the incident; leading investigators to believe that he either returned to the fiery pits of Hell, or was never seen in the first place. Feather Hat has made several false reports in the past, so his story is not entirely credible.
But if the homeless man is telling the truth, he may have been given a valuable piece of paper - the names on the list are mostly prominent individuals, and would likely pay top dollar to get their souls back.
A few of the names include homemaking tycoon and business giant Martha Stewart, NHL newcomer and phenom Sidney Crosby, international superstar Hilary Duff and US President George W. Bush.
“I know I could get alot of money for these here souls,” Feather Hat said, “but I just don't think I can sell something that was given to me as a gift.
“After all, the Devil was nice enough to give them to me on top of the already generous $10, so I really think that if he comes around again I should still have the souls.”
London police have not confiscated the list of souls as evidence yet, but will be forming a Special Task team to investigate the claim.
In North America it is a class one felony to buy, sell or trade souls. If the task force finds evidence that the souls of the famous individuals were indeed traded for some sort of talent or skill, all participants could face serious jail time.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious.
