Campus food fight gets creative
The addition of a new cafeteria in B-building has created a feud in the food services sector at FUNshawe that threatens to remove every last dollar from the bank accounts of students.
“It's totally awesome,” declared first year student Sue Flay. “I can get my breakfast from the Oasis, my brunch from this new cafeteria, lunch from Olive Oyle's and dinner from the Out Back Shack. Plus my three coffees a day from Timmy's - it's like we have our own food court! If only all those classes didn't get in the way.”
Not everyone is thrilled with the arrival of the new competitor. A few of the existing food operations have resorted to somewhat controversial means to retain their market share. One prominent player has started a “Report our competition to the health board, receive a free chicken burger, when buying another item of equal or greater value” promotion. Others have planned promotions such as “Wacky Wednesdays” and “Hawaiian Shirt Day”.
However the most controversial new campaign is the one started by the little known “G-Spot Grill,” located in the G-building. “We'll celebrate the end of each week with “Full Frontal Friday” here at the G-Spot Grill”, proudly proclaimed manager Phil Magroyne.
“Sure, you can eat anywhere else at the school — but are they going to serve you butt-assed naked?” asked Magroyne. “We've got it all — bananas, melons, tacos, salmon, sausages, chicken breasts and thighs — if you can make a double entendre out of it, we'll serve it!”
Students aren't the only ones excited by the prospect of growth in the food sector here at FUNshawe. Sam Manilla, a teacher in the General Arts program is also pleased to see the new cafeteria open.
“Clearly there is a lot of disposable money floating around FUNshawe” said Manilla. “They have enough money to go through with all this construction, and with all the money they are going to be bringing in, we'll never need to strike again, they'll be able to meet every de….”(Manilla then trailed off after being distracted as he approached the G-Spot greeter).
In preparation for these developments FUNshawe will modify all of their literature for first year students. As well as listing expected costs for courses and books, a $1300 allowance for wraps will also be added.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
“It's totally awesome,” declared first year student Sue Flay. “I can get my breakfast from the Oasis, my brunch from this new cafeteria, lunch from Olive Oyle's and dinner from the Out Back Shack. Plus my three coffees a day from Timmy's - it's like we have our own food court! If only all those classes didn't get in the way.”
Not everyone is thrilled with the arrival of the new competitor. A few of the existing food operations have resorted to somewhat controversial means to retain their market share. One prominent player has started a “Report our competition to the health board, receive a free chicken burger, when buying another item of equal or greater value” promotion. Others have planned promotions such as “Wacky Wednesdays” and “Hawaiian Shirt Day”.
However the most controversial new campaign is the one started by the little known “G-Spot Grill,” located in the G-building. “We'll celebrate the end of each week with “Full Frontal Friday” here at the G-Spot Grill”, proudly proclaimed manager Phil Magroyne.
“Sure, you can eat anywhere else at the school — but are they going to serve you butt-assed naked?” asked Magroyne. “We've got it all — bananas, melons, tacos, salmon, sausages, chicken breasts and thighs — if you can make a double entendre out of it, we'll serve it!”
Students aren't the only ones excited by the prospect of growth in the food sector here at FUNshawe. Sam Manilla, a teacher in the General Arts program is also pleased to see the new cafeteria open.
“Clearly there is a lot of disposable money floating around FUNshawe” said Manilla. “They have enough money to go through with all this construction, and with all the money they are going to be bringing in, we'll never need to strike again, they'll be able to meet every de….”(Manilla then trailed off after being distracted as he approached the G-Spot greeter).
In preparation for these developments FUNshawe will modify all of their literature for first year students. As well as listing expected costs for courses and books, a $1300 allowance for wraps will also be added.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
