Crazy man dubbed “Batman” plunges 18 stories, survives
London may have its very own Batman, according to eyewitness accounts of what originally appeared to be an attempted suicide last night.
A man, dressed only in thick black paint, lept from a highrise apartment in downtown London last night and remarkably walked away from the accident without a scratch.
The unknown man, now dubbed Batman by local officials, does not remember his real name or where he lives, only why he was on top of the apartment.
“I heard a woman screaming, and knew that she was in trouble,” Batman told reporters. “I thought it was the Joker because I heard laughing too, so I knew it was up to me to keep London safe.”
The unusual nature of the man, in addition to his miraculous survival, has prompted city police and psychiatrists to perform a series of psyche evaluations to try to uncover who the man is and how he could suvive the 18-storey fall.
“It is a miracle,” said Dr. Walter Gordon, a practicing psychiatrist at St. Joseph's hospital in London. “That man should have died. No one should be able to survive a fall like that.”
When asked how he did survive the plunge, Batman replied that it was due to the “top of the line, spaceage rubber” that his suit is made of.
“This stuff is bulletproof!” he claimed. In what appears to be an attempted demonstration, Batman then reached for an officer's gun. He was detained in moments and led in handcuffs to the Dundas Street Police Station.
The “suit” was simply a thick layer of lead-based paint. Preliminary examinations show the lead may be responsible for his identity confusion.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious.
A man, dressed only in thick black paint, lept from a highrise apartment in downtown London last night and remarkably walked away from the accident without a scratch.
The unknown man, now dubbed Batman by local officials, does not remember his real name or where he lives, only why he was on top of the apartment.
“I heard a woman screaming, and knew that she was in trouble,” Batman told reporters. “I thought it was the Joker because I heard laughing too, so I knew it was up to me to keep London safe.”
The unusual nature of the man, in addition to his miraculous survival, has prompted city police and psychiatrists to perform a series of psyche evaluations to try to uncover who the man is and how he could suvive the 18-storey fall.
“It is a miracle,” said Dr. Walter Gordon, a practicing psychiatrist at St. Joseph's hospital in London. “That man should have died. No one should be able to survive a fall like that.”
When asked how he did survive the plunge, Batman replied that it was due to the “top of the line, spaceage rubber” that his suit is made of.
“This stuff is bulletproof!” he claimed. In what appears to be an attempted demonstration, Batman then reached for an officer's gun. He was detained in moments and led in handcuffs to the Dundas Street Police Station.
The “suit” was simply a thick layer of lead-based paint. Preliminary examinations show the lead may be responsible for his identity confusion.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious.
