Getting dumped: The winner's approach to losing
Everyone has been there: “it just isn't good right now,” “I feel like you're invading my space,” “I'm just really confused,” and the good old, “it's not you, it's me.”
Yeah, we've all been dumped, and it sucks. Maybe it was distance, maybe it was stress, maybe it was one fight too many, it could just be that the initial attraction or chemistry has faded. Or it could be that everything was going great one day and then two days later you get a call saying it's over, with no reason why. So you try to ask why, but you're ignored and that just makes you more worried and . . . perhaps I should stop.
Regardless, the breakup blues don't have to last any longer than you're willing to let them and just a few shifts in routine can actually bring about a really nice change.
First of all, I know how tempting it is to listen to sad-bastard rock, angry hip-hop and songs by rich, suicidal skinny guys with dyed hair, but that's probably not such a great idea.
The first thing you should be doing is consulting your friends, most people have at least one person that they can tell anything too - I know it sounds corny, but it's true - these are the people you want closest to you right now. These are the people who are most likely to understand and least likely to judge you for it. The fact that they're on your side doesn't hurt either.
Next item: don't try hiding from society, regardless of how much you want to. Believe it or not, shutting out the world won't make you feel less alone. Get yourself to go out to a party, a bar, or any sort of social event. Honestly, you probably won't have much fun at first, but as soon as you think to yourself, “it's better than being at home” you ought to cheer up (because it's true).
Of course, you are going feel sad and you'll want to be sad. There's no reason to deny that or pretend it isn't there. However, there's a time and place for everything. Setting up that time and place might help, if you find yourself thinking about your former flame at 10:30 in the morning in the middle of class, tell yourself to wait until 7:30 that night before you and your friends get together to hang out. We're creatures of habit, and getting yourself into the habit of thinking about him or her for a short time in a comfortable place might take the edge off.
Alright now that your close friends understand where you're coming from, you're getting out more, and you're not letting the break-up bother you when it isn't supposed to, the trick now is meeting new people.
Yeah, it's got to happen eventually. You don't need to start jumping into beat-up station-wagons with creepy men you met on Myspace, but you need to let it be known that you're out there and ready for new people.
What's important is that you don't let being dumped keep you down. It's easy to look back and think about what went wrong and what should have happened differently, but chances are that all you'll be able to do is speculate, and that'll just lead you deeper down the whirlpool of confusion. Maybe you were just a little too needy, maybe you are a tad on the controlling side, and maybe you should try to listen more. Or maybe when you were told, “it's not you, it's me” it wasn't a joke. These are the best years of our lives, but they can also be the most stressful and some people just can't deal with a relationship, no matter how special. Try learning something from it without holding a grudge, go back to those close friends that you told in the first place, maybe they'll be able to offer some insight over what went wrong.
Now, the dangerous part: the relapse. You want your ex back, it happens, and there are the rare times when your not-quite-significant other has a sudden change of heart and comes back. This a situation where there isn't really a simple answer. You have to consider why they're coming back, is it love or emotional dependence? Why did they break up with you in the first place? Is it going to happen again? Can you still trust this person? Are they going to call you back in two hours and have another 180-attitude switch after getting your hopes up? I'm not bitter, I swear. People change and everyone deserves a second chance, but if you're going to get hurt again it isn't worth it. This one changes with every different situation, though. There's not really a formula here, you just need to keep your wits about you.
Eventually you have to let your own natural defense mechanisms kick in, musicians will write a song, athletes will train harder, academics will study more, if you're funny you'll joke about it, if you're religious your faith will see you through. There are a million ways to deal with it; you just need to find a constructive way to do it. Now may be the perfect time to address some part of your life that you neglected earlier. There'll come a time where you'll have a chance to improve over this, even if you don't realize it until a while after the fact, things will work out for the best.
As a final note, keep in mind that there are all sorts of fish in the sea, and if you were good enough to catch the last one, there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to get another one just as good, if not better. Breaking up isn't easy, but letting it take over your romantic life is even harder and quite simply not worth it.
Editorial opinions or comments expressed in this online edition of Interrobang newspaper reflect the views of the writer and are not those of the Interrobang or the Fanshawe Student Union. The Interrobang is published weekly by the Fanshawe Student Union at 1001 Fanshawe College Blvd., P.O. Box 7005, London, Ontario, N5Y 5R6 and distributed through the Fanshawe College community. Letters to the editor are welcome. All letters are subject to editing and should be emailed. All letters must be accompanied by contact information. Letters can also be submitted online by clicking here.
Yeah, we've all been dumped, and it sucks. Maybe it was distance, maybe it was stress, maybe it was one fight too many, it could just be that the initial attraction or chemistry has faded. Or it could be that everything was going great one day and then two days later you get a call saying it's over, with no reason why. So you try to ask why, but you're ignored and that just makes you more worried and . . . perhaps I should stop.
Regardless, the breakup blues don't have to last any longer than you're willing to let them and just a few shifts in routine can actually bring about a really nice change.
First of all, I know how tempting it is to listen to sad-bastard rock, angry hip-hop and songs by rich, suicidal skinny guys with dyed hair, but that's probably not such a great idea.
The first thing you should be doing is consulting your friends, most people have at least one person that they can tell anything too - I know it sounds corny, but it's true - these are the people you want closest to you right now. These are the people who are most likely to understand and least likely to judge you for it. The fact that they're on your side doesn't hurt either.
Next item: don't try hiding from society, regardless of how much you want to. Believe it or not, shutting out the world won't make you feel less alone. Get yourself to go out to a party, a bar, or any sort of social event. Honestly, you probably won't have much fun at first, but as soon as you think to yourself, “it's better than being at home” you ought to cheer up (because it's true).
Of course, you are going feel sad and you'll want to be sad. There's no reason to deny that or pretend it isn't there. However, there's a time and place for everything. Setting up that time and place might help, if you find yourself thinking about your former flame at 10:30 in the morning in the middle of class, tell yourself to wait until 7:30 that night before you and your friends get together to hang out. We're creatures of habit, and getting yourself into the habit of thinking about him or her for a short time in a comfortable place might take the edge off.
Alright now that your close friends understand where you're coming from, you're getting out more, and you're not letting the break-up bother you when it isn't supposed to, the trick now is meeting new people.
Yeah, it's got to happen eventually. You don't need to start jumping into beat-up station-wagons with creepy men you met on Myspace, but you need to let it be known that you're out there and ready for new people.
What's important is that you don't let being dumped keep you down. It's easy to look back and think about what went wrong and what should have happened differently, but chances are that all you'll be able to do is speculate, and that'll just lead you deeper down the whirlpool of confusion. Maybe you were just a little too needy, maybe you are a tad on the controlling side, and maybe you should try to listen more. Or maybe when you were told, “it's not you, it's me” it wasn't a joke. These are the best years of our lives, but they can also be the most stressful and some people just can't deal with a relationship, no matter how special. Try learning something from it without holding a grudge, go back to those close friends that you told in the first place, maybe they'll be able to offer some insight over what went wrong.
Now, the dangerous part: the relapse. You want your ex back, it happens, and there are the rare times when your not-quite-significant other has a sudden change of heart and comes back. This a situation where there isn't really a simple answer. You have to consider why they're coming back, is it love or emotional dependence? Why did they break up with you in the first place? Is it going to happen again? Can you still trust this person? Are they going to call you back in two hours and have another 180-attitude switch after getting your hopes up? I'm not bitter, I swear. People change and everyone deserves a second chance, but if you're going to get hurt again it isn't worth it. This one changes with every different situation, though. There's not really a formula here, you just need to keep your wits about you.
Eventually you have to let your own natural defense mechanisms kick in, musicians will write a song, athletes will train harder, academics will study more, if you're funny you'll joke about it, if you're religious your faith will see you through. There are a million ways to deal with it; you just need to find a constructive way to do it. Now may be the perfect time to address some part of your life that you neglected earlier. There'll come a time where you'll have a chance to improve over this, even if you don't realize it until a while after the fact, things will work out for the best.
As a final note, keep in mind that there are all sorts of fish in the sea, and if you were good enough to catch the last one, there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to get another one just as good, if not better. Breaking up isn't easy, but letting it take over your romantic life is even harder and quite simply not worth it.
Editorial opinions or comments expressed in this online edition of Interrobang newspaper reflect the views of the writer and are not those of the Interrobang or the Fanshawe Student Union. The Interrobang is published weekly by the Fanshawe Student Union at 1001 Fanshawe College Blvd., P.O. Box 7005, London, Ontario, N5Y 5R6 and distributed through the Fanshawe College community. Letters to the editor are welcome. All letters are subject to editing and should be emailed. All letters must be accompanied by contact information. Letters can also be submitted online by clicking here.
