Ask the Sex Doc: Doc says anal is the new oral
Dear Sex Doc;
Whenever my boyfriend and I have intercourse, he asks me if he can put his penis in my “rectum.” I don't really feel comfortable with this request and I am wondering what risks are involved and whether this is normal? Many of my friends are wondering the same thing so please respond.
Anti-Anal Girl from Georgian College
Dear Anti-Anal Girl from Georgian College;
So your “rectum” is off limits. Then you are consistent with about 70 per cent of other heterosexuals out there. But, the other 30 per cent (of which your guy is trying to become a butt club card carrying member) have tried back-door sex at least once.
Bum sex is perfectly ‘normal' if that's what both individuals want to engage in. What isn't normal, is your boyfriend asking to go through the out door every time you have sex.
There are a few reasons your dude wants to try number two. Many people want to experiment sexually with what society classifies as forbidden or taboo.
Experts say that anal is the new oral. That is, a couple of decades back (maybe in your parents sexual heyday), going down on someone was viewed as dirty too.
We know now that oral is about as vanilla as plain toast. Your guy wants to get naughty on your butt so he can join the ranks of the new sexual explorers.
He might also be looking for praise or kudos from his friends cause he's been able to convince you to do something that not all girls agree to. This may also give him a slight feeling of dominance over you, something that some guys like.
Another common reason us sex experts hear guys want to explore the back door is because the rectum is much tighter than the vagina. This is usually BS, especially if you girls practice Kegels like I've been preaching.
But, if you do resemble The Grand Canyon down there, your dude may want to explore another less well-traveled cave.
And Anti-Anal Girl, if you're worried your guy is gay cause he wants to play hide the salami with your arse, you can stop worrying now.
If your guy was gay, he'd probably want to ‘do it' with boy butt. Someone with a little less jiggly upstairs and a little more jiggly downstairs.
There are a number of risks associated with butt sex, which you and your sisters need to be aware of Anti-Anal Girl. And, for the record, most of these risks are also concerns for couples of all sexual orientations.
The rectal lining is extremely delicate and can be easily torn especially if there is an errant flax seed stuck in there. This makes the receptive individual more likely to get infections or irritations.
Whenever a rip or tear occurs in the rectum (or vagina) we need to be concerned about blood-borne pathogens including HIV and the Hepatitis virus. So it is extra important to wrap a willy to protect both partners from these and other STIs.
And for any of you girls out there who are having unprotected anal sex cause you think you won't get pregnant, you'd better think again. Although the likelihood of getting knocked up is small, it can still happen.
No, there is no way that internally sperm can reach an egg through the bum hole. The gastrointestinal system is completely separate from the urogenital system.
However, if a guy doesn't wear a condom (or if the condom breaks), most of the ejaculate will seep out of the anus and could end up near the vaginal opening. If his little spermies are still alive and swimming and if just one can muster enough strength to get to your ovum, you might have a bun in the oven.
Anti-Anal Girl, what concerns me here is that your guy repeatedly asks you for bum sex, even though it sounds like you've made it very clear you ain't goin' down the Hershey highway.
Though he might want to expand his sexual repertoire, you need to be sure about what you do and do not want to try.
It sounds like you're pretty clear that your pooper is exit only. And, that is your personal choice. You own your body. Don't ever be coerced into doing something you are not comfortable with.
And if your partner continues to be a butt hound it might be time to reevaluate your relationship. A loving and caring partner is someone who respects your boundaries and doesn't try to make you do things you are not comfortable with.
If your guy is understanding, he'll back off the back-door stuff. If he doesn't, dump him and find someone who isn't obsessed with your booty hole.
Dr. Brian Parker is a clinical sexologist and sex educator and the co-creator of two sexual intimacy board games “Embrace” and “Pillow Talk.” The games are available on his website, www.foreverpleasure.com which features original erotic art, high-end sensual products and adult sex education.
This column is made possible by the generous support of O'My Natural Lubricants. If you have a sexual question you want answered in the ‘Ask the Sex Doc' column please email drbrian@foreverpleasure.com and watch for his response in this paper.
Whenever my boyfriend and I have intercourse, he asks me if he can put his penis in my “rectum.” I don't really feel comfortable with this request and I am wondering what risks are involved and whether this is normal? Many of my friends are wondering the same thing so please respond.
Anti-Anal Girl from Georgian College
Dear Anti-Anal Girl from Georgian College;
So your “rectum” is off limits. Then you are consistent with about 70 per cent of other heterosexuals out there. But, the other 30 per cent (of which your guy is trying to become a butt club card carrying member) have tried back-door sex at least once.
Bum sex is perfectly ‘normal' if that's what both individuals want to engage in. What isn't normal, is your boyfriend asking to go through the out door every time you have sex.
There are a few reasons your dude wants to try number two. Many people want to experiment sexually with what society classifies as forbidden or taboo.
Experts say that anal is the new oral. That is, a couple of decades back (maybe in your parents sexual heyday), going down on someone was viewed as dirty too.
We know now that oral is about as vanilla as plain toast. Your guy wants to get naughty on your butt so he can join the ranks of the new sexual explorers.
He might also be looking for praise or kudos from his friends cause he's been able to convince you to do something that not all girls agree to. This may also give him a slight feeling of dominance over you, something that some guys like.
Another common reason us sex experts hear guys want to explore the back door is because the rectum is much tighter than the vagina. This is usually BS, especially if you girls practice Kegels like I've been preaching.
But, if you do resemble The Grand Canyon down there, your dude may want to explore another less well-traveled cave.
And Anti-Anal Girl, if you're worried your guy is gay cause he wants to play hide the salami with your arse, you can stop worrying now.
If your guy was gay, he'd probably want to ‘do it' with boy butt. Someone with a little less jiggly upstairs and a little more jiggly downstairs.
There are a number of risks associated with butt sex, which you and your sisters need to be aware of Anti-Anal Girl. And, for the record, most of these risks are also concerns for couples of all sexual orientations.
The rectal lining is extremely delicate and can be easily torn especially if there is an errant flax seed stuck in there. This makes the receptive individual more likely to get infections or irritations.
Whenever a rip or tear occurs in the rectum (or vagina) we need to be concerned about blood-borne pathogens including HIV and the Hepatitis virus. So it is extra important to wrap a willy to protect both partners from these and other STIs.
And for any of you girls out there who are having unprotected anal sex cause you think you won't get pregnant, you'd better think again. Although the likelihood of getting knocked up is small, it can still happen.
No, there is no way that internally sperm can reach an egg through the bum hole. The gastrointestinal system is completely separate from the urogenital system.
However, if a guy doesn't wear a condom (or if the condom breaks), most of the ejaculate will seep out of the anus and could end up near the vaginal opening. If his little spermies are still alive and swimming and if just one can muster enough strength to get to your ovum, you might have a bun in the oven.
Anti-Anal Girl, what concerns me here is that your guy repeatedly asks you for bum sex, even though it sounds like you've made it very clear you ain't goin' down the Hershey highway.
Though he might want to expand his sexual repertoire, you need to be sure about what you do and do not want to try.
It sounds like you're pretty clear that your pooper is exit only. And, that is your personal choice. You own your body. Don't ever be coerced into doing something you are not comfortable with.
And if your partner continues to be a butt hound it might be time to reevaluate your relationship. A loving and caring partner is someone who respects your boundaries and doesn't try to make you do things you are not comfortable with.
If your guy is understanding, he'll back off the back-door stuff. If he doesn't, dump him and find someone who isn't obsessed with your booty hole.
Dr. Brian Parker is a clinical sexologist and sex educator and the co-creator of two sexual intimacy board games “Embrace” and “Pillow Talk.” The games are available on his website, www.foreverpleasure.com which features original erotic art, high-end sensual products and adult sex education.
This column is made possible by the generous support of O'My Natural Lubricants. If you have a sexual question you want answered in the ‘Ask the Sex Doc' column please email drbrian@foreverpleasure.com and watch for his response in this paper.
