CREDIT: HAPPY MADISON PRODUCTIONS
Do yourself a favour and trust our advice; don't watch these movies.

On Feb. 28, hundreds of Hollywood’s best will put on their finest evening wear and gather at the Dolby theatre for a night celebrating the best cinema had to offer in the past year.

But on Feb. 27, adorably dubbed Oscar Eve, another awards ceremony will be gathering, and for a different reason.

The Golden Raspberry Awards, also known as the Razzies, have been making fun of the worst movies produced by Hollywood for the past 36 years. And let’s be honest, there have been some truly awful films produced in that time.

So in order to spare you the pain of watching the five films nominated for Worst Picture, we decided to watch them for you. You’re welcome.

Fantastic Four

What can I say about Fantastic 4 that hasn’t already been dragged through the mud and washed up on the shore of Lake Erie? If the last three fantastic failures were any indication, this franchise should be pried from Fox’s cold dead corporate claws.

The entire 90-minute mishap seems like a trailer for a movie that never happens. Sue Storm has been rewritten to be a shallow and inconsequential by-stander. The plot has a grave gap spanning the discovery of their powers and the Fantastic Four being government contracted super heroes. Worst of all is Dr. Doom; the supreme dictator mad scientist has been reduced to the puppy-dog tag-along with the hots for Sue. His costume has also been reduced to a smoldering titanium atrocity that looks more fitting for Terminator than a Fantastic 4 movie.

All in all, this movie gets four seismic thumbs down.

Fifty Shades of Grey

Is anyone really surprised that a movie based on Twilight fanfiction wasn’t good?

This BDSM/softcore porn film stars Dakota Johnson as Anastasia Steele and Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey. It follows Steele’s introduction into the world of BDSM in the hands of Grey, a millionaire dealing with some serious issues in his past.

But if you remove the BDSM scenes from this film viewers are left with awkward interactions between the two stars, whose animosity towards each other became evident in both their lack of chemistry as well as from press interviews where they not-so-subtly jabbed each other with thinly veiled insults.

There was no way to avoid a Fifty Shades movie; the success of the book was clearly too enticing for producers to turn it down. But with weak source material and bad acting by the lead actors, not to mention the fact that multiple actors accepted and then turned down the lead roles, Fifty Shades was doomed from the start. And yet, even with its 4.1/10 rating on IMDB, the lowest viewer rating out of all five films nominated, Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed are currently in pre-production.

Fun fact: during the airport scene you will see the blurry face of the Interrobang editor in the background.

Jupiter Ascending

Jupiter Ascending held a lot of promise. Not only did it have a cast full of A-list actors including Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum, Sean Bean and Oscar winner Eddie Redmayne, it was also directed by the Wachowskis, most famous for the Matrix series.

This ‘space opera’ stars Mila Kunis as Jupiter Jones, a young woman who worked as a cleaning lady until she discovered that she is actually the next in line to inherit ownership of Earth, and Channing Tatum as a weird man-dog thing. They are thrown into a political battle to save the planet from being destroyed by power-hungry aliens.

The special effects of Jupiter Ascending are spectacular, but it is just not good enough to get past the awful script and even worse acting. But with an IMDB rating of 5.4/10 this movie probably will not take the first prize as Worst Picture, but it definitely deserved the nomination.

Paul Blart Mall Cop 2

Do we really need to tell you that this movie was bad?

Starring frequent Razzie nominee Kevin James, whose acting is so bad he’s actually nominated in multiple categories for more than one movie this year, Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 is a disaster.

Just… don’t. Don’t watch this movie.

Pixels

Someone needs to stop letting Adam Sandler anywhere near Hollywood studios. Pixels is by far the worst movie he’s been attached to, unless you count the straight-to- Netflix release of The Ridiculous 6.

The plotline of this movie is thrown out and rehashed within this 100-minute fustercluck so many times that it’s hard to follow any real story. A misfit team of arcade wizards is elected to lead the charge in protecting humanity from rounds of retro arcade games in this Independence Day for nostalgic preteens and mid-life crisis actors. Sometimes the humans play the good guys, sometimes they play the bad guys, and at one point a cheat code works without any explanation as to how it was entered.

If you try to give this movie any moment of logical reason the $244 million CGI montage becomes stuttering nonsense. Do not see this. Stay far, far away from Pixels.