Arm Fall Off Boy
If his name doesn't give it away, this superhero has the ability to take detach any of his limbs to use as blunt weapons. Arm Fall Off Boy first appeared when he tried out for the Legion of Superheroes and was rightfully rejected by them. I'm sure the perverts out there can go ahead and make the joke about him detaching a certain body part to use as a weapon.

Big Bertha
Bertha is the living American dream. She has the ability to become super-strong and bulletproof by becoming extraordinarily obese and then remove all of her fat by puking. If Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan is reading this, this is a comic book and shouldn't be tried in real life. If I were Big Bertha, I would go on dating sites as my skinny self, and then show up to dates fat to really screw with guys when we met up.

Gin Genie
Being a fan of this character is like being a fan of an Alcoholics Anonymous member. She is quite powerful, but her powers require large quantities of alcohol. Gin Genie has the ability to create tremors equal to her blood-alcohol level. She has the same abilities that any frat boy has when she drinks: the more alcohol in her system, the better she thinks she is and the more destruction she causes.

Eye Scream
Mutant-born Eye Scream has the “amazing” ability to turn into any ice cream flavour he can think of. In his one and only adventure, he tries to take down the X-Men, but is promptly frozen and forgotten. Eye-Scream's best plan of attack in my mind would be wait until one of the X-Men wants ice-cream, turn into that flavor, and then change into a different flavour like garbage or skunk. That'll show them.

Infectious Lass
Infectious Lass is a rejected applicant from the Legion of Super-Heroes. Infectious Lass carries thousands of diseases on her and has the ability to give any disease she chooses to a person. I knew an Infectious Lass back in Tijuana; thank god her infection abilities were only temporary.

Dog Welder
When Dog Welder was told in school, “You can do whatever you want in life,” I think he took it the wrong way. This mysterious and disturbing crime fighter terrifies evildoers by welding dead dogs to them. Dog Welder lives in an alley and sets traps for stray animals. He has a supply of dead dogs and uses them to fight evil by pouncing upon evildoers and welding a dog to their face. I'm not making this up: some person actually thought of this character, made an entire backstory, then drew him. I think I can safely make the assumption that drugs were involved in this process.

Squirrel Girl
A member of the lame Great Lakes Avengers, Squirrel Girl has the ability to, you got it, control squirrels! She and her squirrel companion, Monkey Joe, fight evil like Dr. Doom and Thanos by using her squirrel speed, claws and buckteeth to attack enemies while communicating with other squirrels in the forest to do her bidding. She has an equipment belt that holds nuts to hand out snacks to her squirrel army. It should be noted that she once took down Wolverine once in a hand-to-hand combat. (I think they were running out of story ideas at this point.)

Ant-Man
Ant-Man is one of the most popular terrible superheroes with a movie coming out in 2015. This honour is like being the coolest 27-year-old still in high school. Biochemist Dr. Hank Pym decides to fight crime after discovering a chemical substance that allows him to shrink down to the size of an ant. He has the ability to communicate with insects and can maintain his strength while shrunk down to ant-form. His abilities would be useful if you wanted to convince someone their house was haunted by shrinking down and moving furniture. You know you're a lame superhero when your weaknesses are getting stepped on and getting killed by sunlight through magnifying glasses.

Matter-Eater Lad
Matter-Eater Lad is like that weird kid you knew in elementary school you would dare to eat worms and paste. He has the ability to digest any substance without causing harm to himself. When his home planet found that germs had made all their food inedible, the population evolved the ability to eat all matter as a survival mechanism to overcome the problem. I mean, when you can no longer eat food, you might as well eat bricks and chairs — it's quite the jaw workout. Matter-Eater Lad is a “valuable” member of the Legion of Super-Heroes due to his ability to eat through doors and other obstacles. That must cause some wicked gut-rot.

Pennington Pennypacker
Saved the best for last. Pennington Pennypacker who appeared in the hilariously failed NFL Superpro comic, was just an average certified public accountant until a crazed scientist used a device that gave anyone it was used on superpowers. After the device was used on Pennypacker it apparently gave him the ability to “throw money” at his problems — but it wasn't just any kind of money: it was pennies. He defeated his enemies or small purchases at corner stores by shooting pennies from his wrist. The only way I could see this working is if the pennies carried diseases on them and a bad guy put it in their mouths. In Canada, Pennypacker would be rounded down to the nearest nickel and be out of a job.