Each year, city parents buy up thousands of baby chicks and ducks to give to children as cute, cuddly Easter gifts. And in the days that follow egg hunts and chocolate bunnies, many of the high-maintenance fowl end up being put out by busy families.

In previous years, these unwanted animals would end up wandering the streets, in constant danger of vehicles and large animals, and many of the chicks and ducks did not survive the first weeks of spring.

This year, the city has invested $1 million into a Safe Chicks program to watch over the young birds until they pick up the street smarts to stay alive on their own and integrate into the homeless society.

The program involves several initiatives, including releasing hundreds of grown chickens and ducks into the streets to find the disposed-of babies and teach them the tricks of the street, such as crossing the street, finding meals, and panhandling.

“By releasing the older, more experienced animals into the environment, we are really hoping that there will be some sort of bond formed and the chicks and baby ducks can benefit from the experiences of others,” said Lily Dufferin, program coordinator of Safe Chicks. “We don't want the little guys on the street, but if they have to be there, we're going to try our hardest to take care of them.”

The Safe Chicks program is also relying heavily on poster and awareness campaigns to educate the public about the dangers of releasing the unwanted gifts into the street.

“People don't realize that if these chicks and ducks were taken care of, they could have grown into a great asset to society I know tons of young fowl who have gone on to do tremendously well at egg farms and petting zoos.

“But when neglected and turned out onto the street, there is not telling what trouble they will get into,” Dufferin added.

According to last year's statistics, nearly seven per cent of all traffic accidents were caused by drivers swerving to avoid hitting the animals. Dufferin says that the animals typically run into the street on purpose, just to cause panic.

“Others start hanging with bad crowds like pigeons, and picking up their bad habits, she said.”

Despite the blind enthusiasm from Dufferin, not everyone is excited about the new program.

“I just don't see the need in protecting the little fluffballs,” said Darren Hawkes, owner of a downtown restaurant, “and I sure as hell don't support adding more birds to the mix!”

Hawkes explained that the birds already downtown, namely pigeons, cause many problems for his business because they wait outside the door, scaring patrons as they leave and preventing people from coming. “If the police would let me own a gun again, I'd shoot‘em all,” he added. “Maybe even put'em on the menu.”

Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.