Chat With Nat - The trouble with feelings
Dear Nat,
I'm facing a strange dilemma… I don't know if I like someone and it's driving me crazy. I've gone from being best friends with this person for the past two years, to having them as my new snuggle buddy in such a short period of time. (Yes, I said “snuggle buddy” to keep things PG.) We never fail to have a great time together, when we're together, but after he leaves, I'm left with my own racing thoughts. What they really boil down to is whether or not I'll really ever see him as more than just a friend. After all this time of being close friends, it's normal to have a hard time transitioning over, right? Or does it just mean I'll never get over it? Help?
Dazed and Confused
Dear Dazed and Confused,
First things first — in my opinion, it's perfectly normal to have trouble seeing your old-time bestie as a new potential partner. It's like going from wearing one particular T-shirt for two years straight, and then suddenly switching it up to a heavy wool sweater — the outcome is going to feel a bit stuffy, uncomfortable and heated at times. But why does this happen? Well, it's simply because you're breaking your usual routine. You're going from that comfy, carefree T-shirt, to something that can be all-consuming, heavy and needs to be dealt with much more delicately.
To keep the metaphor running, it's good that you're at least trying this one on for size. Change, at first, is going to feel a bit funny, but give it time. There's no need to rush into anything, so take things as they come and digest everything accordingly.
Distinguishing whether or not you're actually developing feelings for him can be a trickier situation. Should you start developing passionate feelings for him after two or three months of casually seeing each other? Or does it take about the same amount of time you were amigos to rule out those friendly feelings for something more? Once again, there's no direct answer since everyone experiences things differently. But, I've come to learn that when you know, you know. As cliché and cheesy as it might sound, your instincts will usually point you in the right direction. Even the most indecisive people know when they know! Trust me.
A good indication when you really like someone is that something as simple as hearing their name puts a giddy smile on your face (emphasis on the word giddy!). If after a while these butterflies still aren't flapping their lovely little wings, then it might be time to re-evaluate. And hey, if it doesn't work out, don't feel bad! Everyone seems to have this preconceived notion that you're a bad person if you can't or don't love someone else equally back. At the end of the day, you can't fool your heart, so don't be foolish and think that you can. Just go with it, have fun, and treat the situation with care.
If you've got a query for Quinlan, shoot her an email at chatwithnat.fsu@gmail.com. All published questions will be entered into monthly random draws to win a $10 FSU coupon for Oasis and Out Back Shack.
I'm facing a strange dilemma… I don't know if I like someone and it's driving me crazy. I've gone from being best friends with this person for the past two years, to having them as my new snuggle buddy in such a short period of time. (Yes, I said “snuggle buddy” to keep things PG.) We never fail to have a great time together, when we're together, but after he leaves, I'm left with my own racing thoughts. What they really boil down to is whether or not I'll really ever see him as more than just a friend. After all this time of being close friends, it's normal to have a hard time transitioning over, right? Or does it just mean I'll never get over it? Help?
Dazed and Confused
Dear Dazed and Confused,
First things first — in my opinion, it's perfectly normal to have trouble seeing your old-time bestie as a new potential partner. It's like going from wearing one particular T-shirt for two years straight, and then suddenly switching it up to a heavy wool sweater — the outcome is going to feel a bit stuffy, uncomfortable and heated at times. But why does this happen? Well, it's simply because you're breaking your usual routine. You're going from that comfy, carefree T-shirt, to something that can be all-consuming, heavy and needs to be dealt with much more delicately.
To keep the metaphor running, it's good that you're at least trying this one on for size. Change, at first, is going to feel a bit funny, but give it time. There's no need to rush into anything, so take things as they come and digest everything accordingly.
Distinguishing whether or not you're actually developing feelings for him can be a trickier situation. Should you start developing passionate feelings for him after two or three months of casually seeing each other? Or does it take about the same amount of time you were amigos to rule out those friendly feelings for something more? Once again, there's no direct answer since everyone experiences things differently. But, I've come to learn that when you know, you know. As cliché and cheesy as it might sound, your instincts will usually point you in the right direction. Even the most indecisive people know when they know! Trust me.
A good indication when you really like someone is that something as simple as hearing their name puts a giddy smile on your face (emphasis on the word giddy!). If after a while these butterflies still aren't flapping their lovely little wings, then it might be time to re-evaluate. And hey, if it doesn't work out, don't feel bad! Everyone seems to have this preconceived notion that you're a bad person if you can't or don't love someone else equally back. At the end of the day, you can't fool your heart, so don't be foolish and think that you can. Just go with it, have fun, and treat the situation with care.
If you've got a query for Quinlan, shoot her an email at chatwithnat.fsu@gmail.com. All published questions will be entered into monthly random draws to win a $10 FSU coupon for Oasis and Out Back Shack.
