Transgender allies truly cherished

Transgender; today it is everywhere: in the news, in entertainment of all formats, at work, at home and at play. Everyone has an opinion about it even though they know nothing about it. What they know, they have been told second-hand and most often it is incorrect information. Opinions are thus incorrect assumptions based on incorrect or biased information handed down from equally ignorant people. That is a very strong but equally true statement of fact.

Many people have met transgender people and not known it. Many have seen us and laughed at the “man in a dress” or “girl in a suit.” It can't be helped, or can it? Certainly I have felt this myself and yes, it hurts; in fact, it cuts to the core. I have also learned, yes, learned to put such things aside. It isn't always easy but it must be done.

I have had sarcastic comments from people and equally been told how lovely I looked. Well, I don't feel it, but it does feel wonderful to hear such comments. Maybe enough of them and I might actually start to believe it. I have also had people hold doors for me, their knowing that I wasn't born a biological female, and been treated as though I was.

There are many insulting epithets hurled at us and just as many covert ones whispered in a corner. All are hurtful. A very common one and misconception is “He thinks he is female.”

There is a huge difference between “thinking” and knowing, and as a transsexual, I know and have known since my early childhood. No one in their right mind would choose to live like this. Why would anyone choose to be insulted and jeered, possibly assaulted or worse? To think that we choose this, one would have to question the sanity of the person who believes such nonsense.

Fortunately, not everyone does, and in fact, those rejecting the common thought are increasing in numbers. No, they are not all bleeding heart liberals either. They are ordinary people from all walks of life, ethnicity, religions, age and sex. For us, these people are truly cherished because they are willing to say they don't buy into the status quo. They are allies to the transgender population.

An ally doesn't have to be an in-your-face oppositional personality when confronted, nor do they have to be prolific letter writers. What they are, above all, is people, just ordinary people who will not stand for inequality, prejudice, bigotry and hate. I think of them as people with a conscience.

Those allies closest to our community are different again. They are the ones who have seen first-hand the pain of discrimination, and they feel that for themselves. Like other allies, they come from everywhere. I recently posted on Facebook that there is no greater reality check for an ally than to be an observer of people while a transwoman is shopping. That is a true test of their own convictions.

When my daughter was in just that position while I was shopping, she became visibly upset. Later, sitting down with a coffee, she was in tears. My response was that she shouldn't feel sorry for me, but rather feel sorry for those who don't have a support system; who don't have an ally, a friend or confidante. It was at that moment she realized just how difficult it was for us. Not many people can empathize to that degree.

I am lucky in this regard, very lucky. I have a family filled with love and who are willing to try to understand. They don't always, nor all of the time, but they try, and when I need that support it comes without condition. I can't ask for more.

Transwomen are usually very visible. Of course, not all are and I could easily introduce anyone to a number of transwomen that people would never guess were born male. Of course, I would never out someone, but the point is made; you just don't know. I could equally introduce you to cisgender women with very masculine features who have to suffer the same indignities.

The workplace is probably the most difficult place for us. We have to spend a third of our lives with people and interact with them whether we like them or not, or vice versa. This can make for a very stressful environment. For personal reasons, I cannot transition into my true female gender, but there are a few people in my workplace who know I am transgender and they are very supportive of me. The head of my department knows, as do a few others, but generally, people do not. Coming out to them was a difficult, in fact, a very difficult choice I had to make. You see, once the genie is out of the bottle, putting her back in is impossible. If a co-worker were to see me outside of the workplace, I had to know that someone in the workplace would have my back. It has happened.

These people are allies. The question has to be asked, “What does it take to be an ally?”

The answer is simple; empathy. It is the single common thread amongst all allies to the LGBT community, not just the transgender population.

The second thing an ally does is become educated about their friend or acquaintance. They learn about the causes and the prejudices. They learn how to confront those and to grow by questioning their own prejudices. When their own prejudices are set aside, they can call themselves an ally. It doesn't stop there but continues as personal growth until they can confront the prejudices of others. Not everyone can and that is okay. What is important is that they understand.

Attending the Lunch and Learn workshops through the Positive Space Program at Fanshawe College is an excellent way to learn about the LGBT community. These workshops are about an hour long and are a series that are currently offered to staff and faculty several times a year. The addition of future student participation is in discussion.

The workshops present an unbiased but affirming view of LGBT+ that is not to be found anywhere else in London. If you are interested in becoming an ally, they are unquestionably the best place to start your journey and personal growth. Who knows, you might even find a new friend.

Kimberley is an advocate for transgender rights, active in the LGBTTQQI community, and a community advisor to the Positive Space Group with Fanshawe College. She is a co-founder of the London Transgender Coffee Social Club of London Ontario, a member and facilitator of PFLAG among many other organizations that promote human rights locally, provincially, and nationally. She is also the webmistress of www.transgenderlondon.com. She speaks to students, educators and business people about transgender, and the roles people can play in society in combatting the prejudices around LGBT+ people.

Editorial opinions or comments expressed in this online edition of Interrobang newspaper reflect the views of the writer and are not those of the Interrobang or the Fanshawe Student Union. The Interrobang is published weekly by the Fanshawe Student Union at 1001 Fanshawe College Blvd., P.O. Box 7005, London, Ontario, N5Y 5R6 and distributed through the Fanshawe College community. Letters to the editor are welcome. All letters are subject to editing and should be emailed. All letters must be accompanied by contact information. Letters can also be submitted online by clicking here.