WANTED: People with a sense of humour
Ever write a piece that had people
in stitches (hopefully for the
right reasons)? Chances are, you
qualify for the Nearly Robots
Cross-Canada writing contest. But
what, pray tell, is Nearly Robots?
Started by a band of traveling Norwegian dwarves in 1906, Nearly Robots magazine evolved from its wood-cut pornography roots to the Vancouver-based online comedy forum as it exists today (or so the website says). Featuring writers from various Canadian humour magazines such as McGill University's Red Herring, the fledgling website hopes to establish a 'nationwide network' for young Canadian comedy writers in the vein of CollegeHumor and The Harvard Lampoon - it's basically your hoser Cracked.
While home to several web comics like Adventuresome and The Daily Snooze, Nearly Robots is mainly a site full of advice and examinations of pressing everyday issues.
Okay, that's a lie. With some irreverent and, quite frankly, bonkers comedy, the site features lists on topics ranging from comedic rants to solvent huffing-induced hallucinatory predictions for Nearly Robots in the year 2013, and some epistolary comic stylings with their letters-exchange page and (we can only hope) fictional autobiographies on some rather bizarre characters.
I sat down and had a coffee with editor-in-chief David MacLean (read: I sent him an email) to discuss the finer points of comedy:
What was the inspiration for Nearly Robots?
"I worked as the editor-in-chief of McGill's humour magazine while in university, and was basically looking for a way to extend my immaturity well into adulthood. Nearly Robots was born of the idea that Canadians deserve more access to established comedy brands. We wanted to create a publication for Canadian writers that could reach an American and Canadian audience. Although our readership is currently split fairly evenly between Montreal, Toronto and Vancouver, our fourth highest readership is concentrated in New York City."
What do you do to keep your creative juices flowing?
"I keep my juices flowing using an ingenious tool that combines the various strengths of a catheter, four accordions, a goat liver, and five magic beans handed down to me by a mystical shaman named Carl."
What word of advice do you have to those budding writers out there?
"Write constantly: write as much as you can as early as you can. If your fingertips aren't bleeding and the 'E' button on your keyboard hasn't long since worn away, then you are not working hard enough.
"I say this with some knowledge, as I work as a professional writer and have had the opportunity to write for a couple feature films, advertising agencies, and other miscellaneous jobs-about-town. Writing is a hard industry to crack into, and the only way you'll amass a good portfolio is by writing and rewriting random, esoteric garbage to the point that it becomes coherent thought."
What do you have in store for the site's future?
"We plan on adding more columnists, updates and comic strips while forming a military junta that will eventually take over and control Sudbury, Ontario. If this were to occur, the website would be renamed thesudclub.com.
How close to robots are Nearly Robots?
"The Nearly Robots crew is basically all machines at this point. One long, hard look in the eyes of editor Kyle Stevenson makes it absolutely clear that he has been dead inside for years. Our least robotic writer is our resident artist Jordana Globerman, who is as human as they come."
Who would win in a fight between the Hulk and a pack of 20 African Elephants?
"I believe that this subject is adequately covered by Locke in his treatise Hulk v. Elephants: A Study in the Metaphysical Ramifications of Platonic Love, however, I could be wrong. Personally, I'd put my money on the Hulk because he is fictitious and, as such, cannot be killed."
But let's get back to the contest. Submit your entry (up to a 1,000 words) that's funny (or mentions Jeff Goldblum) for: a first-place prize of $350 in cold, hard cash and a very, very nice (I'm sure) Nearly Robots t-shirt made from (mostly) 100 per cent cotton; a second- place cash prize of $50 lukewarm, soft cash, and an equally nice Nearly Robots t-shirt; a thirdplace prize of a Nearly Robots tshirt. And, of course, to let no good article unpublished, the top five articles submitted will be featured on the front page of nearlyrobots.com
Email your entry to nearlyrobots@gmail.com by midnight March 15 to avoid being forever doomed to a life of comedy-writing obscurity.
Started by a band of traveling Norwegian dwarves in 1906, Nearly Robots magazine evolved from its wood-cut pornography roots to the Vancouver-based online comedy forum as it exists today (or so the website says). Featuring writers from various Canadian humour magazines such as McGill University's Red Herring, the fledgling website hopes to establish a 'nationwide network' for young Canadian comedy writers in the vein of CollegeHumor and The Harvard Lampoon - it's basically your hoser Cracked.
While home to several web comics like Adventuresome and The Daily Snooze, Nearly Robots is mainly a site full of advice and examinations of pressing everyday issues.
Okay, that's a lie. With some irreverent and, quite frankly, bonkers comedy, the site features lists on topics ranging from comedic rants to solvent huffing-induced hallucinatory predictions for Nearly Robots in the year 2013, and some epistolary comic stylings with their letters-exchange page and (we can only hope) fictional autobiographies on some rather bizarre characters.
I sat down and had a coffee with editor-in-chief David MacLean (read: I sent him an email) to discuss the finer points of comedy:
What was the inspiration for Nearly Robots?
"I worked as the editor-in-chief of McGill's humour magazine while in university, and was basically looking for a way to extend my immaturity well into adulthood. Nearly Robots was born of the idea that Canadians deserve more access to established comedy brands. We wanted to create a publication for Canadian writers that could reach an American and Canadian audience. Although our readership is currently split fairly evenly between Montreal, Toronto and Vancouver, our fourth highest readership is concentrated in New York City."
What do you do to keep your creative juices flowing?
"I keep my juices flowing using an ingenious tool that combines the various strengths of a catheter, four accordions, a goat liver, and five magic beans handed down to me by a mystical shaman named Carl."
What word of advice do you have to those budding writers out there?
"Write constantly: write as much as you can as early as you can. If your fingertips aren't bleeding and the 'E' button on your keyboard hasn't long since worn away, then you are not working hard enough.
"I say this with some knowledge, as I work as a professional writer and have had the opportunity to write for a couple feature films, advertising agencies, and other miscellaneous jobs-about-town. Writing is a hard industry to crack into, and the only way you'll amass a good portfolio is by writing and rewriting random, esoteric garbage to the point that it becomes coherent thought."
What do you have in store for the site's future?
"We plan on adding more columnists, updates and comic strips while forming a military junta that will eventually take over and control Sudbury, Ontario. If this were to occur, the website would be renamed thesudclub.com.
How close to robots are Nearly Robots?
"The Nearly Robots crew is basically all machines at this point. One long, hard look in the eyes of editor Kyle Stevenson makes it absolutely clear that he has been dead inside for years. Our least robotic writer is our resident artist Jordana Globerman, who is as human as they come."
Who would win in a fight between the Hulk and a pack of 20 African Elephants?
"I believe that this subject is adequately covered by Locke in his treatise Hulk v. Elephants: A Study in the Metaphysical Ramifications of Platonic Love, however, I could be wrong. Personally, I'd put my money on the Hulk because he is fictitious and, as such, cannot be killed."
But let's get back to the contest. Submit your entry (up to a 1,000 words) that's funny (or mentions Jeff Goldblum) for: a first-place prize of $350 in cold, hard cash and a very, very nice (I'm sure) Nearly Robots t-shirt made from (mostly) 100 per cent cotton; a second- place cash prize of $50 lukewarm, soft cash, and an equally nice Nearly Robots t-shirt; a thirdplace prize of a Nearly Robots tshirt. And, of course, to let no good article unpublished, the top five articles submitted will be featured on the front page of nearlyrobots.com
Email your entry to nearlyrobots@gmail.com by midnight March 15 to avoid being forever doomed to a life of comedy-writing obscurity.
