Cesar Romero played The Joker in the infamous Batman television show with a moustache that was covered by make-up.

"Love is a winding mountainous road. Do you have an extra unicycle and handlebar mustache I can borrow?"
- Jarod Kintz, 99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Is there anything more majestic than moustache poetry? Perhaps only moustache movies. Facial hair has played a prominent role in some of the most important motion pictures of all time. Hulk Hogan, Tom Selleck, Burt Reynolds — the list of Hollywood's moustachesporting A-listers is an impressive one. So it was only a matter of time before somebody, for example me, founded the Academy of Moustache Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. And now it is time for the first annual Stachies!

Best Performance by a Moustachioed Male
... and the winner is, Robert Downey, Jr. in Chaplin
Long before he starred in Iron Man, Robert Downey, Jr. took on the role of one of the most beloved movie stars of all time, Charlie Chaplin, in a 1992 biopic simply titled Chaplin. Downey received much critical praise for his turn as the silent film star, including an Academy Award nomination. However, he was not successful in popularizing Chaplin's signature toothbrush moustache. The moustache, shaved at both sides with about an inch of hair in the middle just above the lip was also sported by another star of the times, Oliver Hardy of Laurel and Hardy fame. Why anyone would not want to resemble these adored silver screen legends is beyond my comprehension. It was this failure that lead to Downey's substance abuse problems in the early 2000s. But now, 20 years later, redemption is yours, Robert!

Best Performance by a Moustachioed Female
... and the winner is, Salma Hayek in Frida
Mexican beauty Salma Hayek is known for sexy roles in films such as From Dusk Till Dawn and Desperado. Well, much like the aforementioned Robert Downey, Jr., Hayek also played a historical figure in a critically acclaimed film that earned her an Academy Award nomination. In the 2002 film Frida, Hayek took on the role of Mexican painter Frida Kahlo. Much like the Mexican painter who recently did my bathroom, Frida sported a unibrow and a moustache. Hayek showed her dedication to her craft when she began shaving her face in an attempt to grow her bristles thicker and darker. Not only did it lend authenticity to the film, but it also landed Hayek a side job on the carnival circuit, where rubes pay two bits a gander to stare at the bearded lady.

Moustache Special Achievement Award
... and the winner is, Cesar Romero in Batman
There have been many actors who have had the gall to don a fake moustache, so a non-moustachioed actor playing a moustachioed man is no great feat. But the other way around, well, that's quite extraordinary. When Cesar Romero took on the role of The Joker in the 1966 film Batman, he refused to shave off his moustache. The creative team showed similar resolve, and refused to just simply allow The Joker to be a villain with facial hair. So they simply covered it up with face paint, not only in this film, but in the three seasons of the associated television series. As much praise as Heath Ledger and Jack Nicholson have received for their turns as The Joker, Romero is the one and only true Joker, in my opinion. For his refusal to bow down to the man by shaving, and for his ability to play a non-moustachioed individual, without the benefits of any James Cameron CGI effects, Cesar Romero has truly earned this honour.