After graduation: Move back home or fly the coop? Part 1
You just had an awesome twoweek
vacation from the stresses of
school and the start of the semester
is going smoothly — the last thing
on your mind is post-graduation
living arrangements. It shouldn't
be!
Now is the perfect time to start considering all of your options, giving yourself plenty of time to make any necessary arrangements. The decision to move back in with your parents or to get your own place is a big one, and it can be harder to make than you would think. After the independence and freedoms that come with college living, it can be a real shock to move back into the parental environment. It can be even more stressful in split families. It might have been understandable in high school to bounce between your mom and dad's houses, but as an adult college grad, things are different. It doesn't matter how far you've come living on your own, reverting back to living at home can still stunt personal growth, but it certainly doesn't have to.
College is the first crucial jumping board in our lives. It's when we take the most time to explore, develop and make decisions about who and where we will be for the rest of our lives. There is so much to consider, including plenty of things you may not even think of until it's too late. To start things off, take a thorough look at option number one: moving back home.
Family relationships
They're one of the most important things to consider before moving back home. Take into consideration any obvious problems you have with your parents. What issues cause the most stress in your relationships? Financial, parental disapproval, differing values and/or opinions? Is there anything that needs to be changed in order for you and your parents to be able to survive the living arrangements? Taking the time to really evaluate the problems that have come up in the past is the best way to prevent problems in the future.
Finances
If your parents are expecting financial contribution, hammer out the details well in advance and prepare for the unexpected — what happens if you run into hard financial times (e.g. job loss) or if you can't find a job? If you have had arguments about job hunting in the past, then work out a plan to show your parents in advance. Make a timeline, a goal list — it doesn't matter, as long as you have something to show that you're making an effort to make things work.
Parental disapproval/differing values and opinions
This is virtually inevitable. Parents just don't approve of everything in their children's lives; it's a fact of life. Your parents' opinions about almost anything can be completely opposite of your own. Living with your parents while you're trying to figure out life on your own can feel suffocating. But whether we like to admit it or not, our parents really do tend to give good advice. There isn't much that we're going through or lesson we have to learn that our parents haven't already. They can see us making a mistake before we even realize something could go wrong, and it's never easy to accept the advance warning. That doesn't mean there shouldn't be a limit, though; there's a difference between offering well-meaning advice and pushing personal preferences. Establish boundaries — make sure that your parents know that you appreciate and are willing to listen to any advice or suggestions they have to offer, but that you won't necessarily follow their every word. There really are a lot of lessons that we have to learn on our own eventually. This brings us to the fact that there is also a difference between taking advice about important life issues, and letting your parents run every aspect of your life.
Expectations/ ground rules
Remember that balance is everything. Both you and your parents are going to have a (seemingly) long list of expectations and ground rules, some of which are most likely to contradict each other. This is everybody's chance to show off their maturity and work to agree on compromises if necessary. You need to be prepared to sacrifice complete freedom and regain some accountability. Your parents aren't going to want you sitting on the couch or sleeping in all day after graduation. Be ready for frequent reminders and questions about what's going on in your life and what you're getting accomplished.
Get your priorities in order and let your family know what you need to be able to make things work. Don't be afraid to make it clear what drives you insane and makes it hard to live there, as long as you're mature about it. Let your parents know what you would like to see change and offer suggestions rather than bickering about it.
Long term benefits/downfalls
What can you realistically gain from living at home? Take advantage of the situation and figure out how much money you could save by living at home, and how much of a help that really could be in the long run. Could you work on other life goals while you're saving up?
On the other hand, are there any disadvantages to living at home that could leave you in a sticky situation? For example, if you just cannot get along with one of your parents no matter how hard you try, could the move ruin that relationship? Are the living arrangements suitable and secure; do you have privacy and space; is there a chance you may have to end up sharing space with another returning sibling in the future? Is the location suitable for launching your new career? Are there jobs available in the area?
Make sure you and your family really know what you would be getting into before you move back home. After you have a pretty good idea of what living at home involves, it's time to start taking a look at your other options.
Now is the perfect time to start considering all of your options, giving yourself plenty of time to make any necessary arrangements. The decision to move back in with your parents or to get your own place is a big one, and it can be harder to make than you would think. After the independence and freedoms that come with college living, it can be a real shock to move back into the parental environment. It can be even more stressful in split families. It might have been understandable in high school to bounce between your mom and dad's houses, but as an adult college grad, things are different. It doesn't matter how far you've come living on your own, reverting back to living at home can still stunt personal growth, but it certainly doesn't have to.
College is the first crucial jumping board in our lives. It's when we take the most time to explore, develop and make decisions about who and where we will be for the rest of our lives. There is so much to consider, including plenty of things you may not even think of until it's too late. To start things off, take a thorough look at option number one: moving back home.
Family relationships
They're one of the most important things to consider before moving back home. Take into consideration any obvious problems you have with your parents. What issues cause the most stress in your relationships? Financial, parental disapproval, differing values and/or opinions? Is there anything that needs to be changed in order for you and your parents to be able to survive the living arrangements? Taking the time to really evaluate the problems that have come up in the past is the best way to prevent problems in the future.
Finances
If your parents are expecting financial contribution, hammer out the details well in advance and prepare for the unexpected — what happens if you run into hard financial times (e.g. job loss) or if you can't find a job? If you have had arguments about job hunting in the past, then work out a plan to show your parents in advance. Make a timeline, a goal list — it doesn't matter, as long as you have something to show that you're making an effort to make things work.
Parental disapproval/differing values and opinions
This is virtually inevitable. Parents just don't approve of everything in their children's lives; it's a fact of life. Your parents' opinions about almost anything can be completely opposite of your own. Living with your parents while you're trying to figure out life on your own can feel suffocating. But whether we like to admit it or not, our parents really do tend to give good advice. There isn't much that we're going through or lesson we have to learn that our parents haven't already. They can see us making a mistake before we even realize something could go wrong, and it's never easy to accept the advance warning. That doesn't mean there shouldn't be a limit, though; there's a difference between offering well-meaning advice and pushing personal preferences. Establish boundaries — make sure that your parents know that you appreciate and are willing to listen to any advice or suggestions they have to offer, but that you won't necessarily follow their every word. There really are a lot of lessons that we have to learn on our own eventually. This brings us to the fact that there is also a difference between taking advice about important life issues, and letting your parents run every aspect of your life.
Expectations/ ground rules
Remember that balance is everything. Both you and your parents are going to have a (seemingly) long list of expectations and ground rules, some of which are most likely to contradict each other. This is everybody's chance to show off their maturity and work to agree on compromises if necessary. You need to be prepared to sacrifice complete freedom and regain some accountability. Your parents aren't going to want you sitting on the couch or sleeping in all day after graduation. Be ready for frequent reminders and questions about what's going on in your life and what you're getting accomplished.
Get your priorities in order and let your family know what you need to be able to make things work. Don't be afraid to make it clear what drives you insane and makes it hard to live there, as long as you're mature about it. Let your parents know what you would like to see change and offer suggestions rather than bickering about it.
Long term benefits/downfalls
What can you realistically gain from living at home? Take advantage of the situation and figure out how much money you could save by living at home, and how much of a help that really could be in the long run. Could you work on other life goals while you're saving up?
On the other hand, are there any disadvantages to living at home that could leave you in a sticky situation? For example, if you just cannot get along with one of your parents no matter how hard you try, could the move ruin that relationship? Are the living arrangements suitable and secure; do you have privacy and space; is there a chance you may have to end up sharing space with another returning sibling in the future? Is the location suitable for launching your new career? Are there jobs available in the area?
Make sure you and your family really know what you would be getting into before you move back home. After you have a pretty good idea of what living at home involves, it's time to start taking a look at your other options.
